When I was, I've been and every time I'm Gregory.
I felt Gregory for the first time when my strength failed. Things started becoming unbearable.
They believed in me, they said I was perfect in every way. I knew that was not what I wanted for me: 'cause I loved imperfections and I had a lot.
When I failed for real, I felt like the worst human being on Earth. I felt not worth it from every point of view and those who told me I was perfect, laughed about my tears. "It will be okay", they said.
I was not okay at all but I did not tell anything to anyone. I spent my days crying, feeling pleasure in drowning in my own tears: pain had become my drug and I loved calling my demons up to my eyes.
But I was the strong, the happy one. The girl who could not be defeated. And everyone loved talking to me "because you are the most peaceful girl in this world".
I was dying. I felt like there was nothing for me outside, that all those qualities they had ascribed to me were pure and senseless lies. Fighting my own war was removing my energy from body and mind.
The worst thing was that pain made me feel alive. The one I loved told me: "Go your own way, I'm not made for people like you." and laughed about my shy attitude with friends, abandoning the kindness I had appreciated that much.
I've never forgotten him, I'm still here waiting for him to change. I'm still stupid and too optimist.
I've never loved anyone else in my life, I've never loved anymore. Love is not for me, I'm not good for this world.
And I look like the most peaceful girl in this world.
I feel better now. Gregory lives in me, he has booked a perpetual room in me and I love living with Greg.
But Gregory doesn't want to be seen by anyone, even after all this time. The reason why I write here is that nobody I know has to meet my beloved flat mate.
