Paul Ryan Gosling @paulryangosling-blog - Tumblr Blog

If ladies would just try harder to find husbands, they’d be able to actually afford ladies health products.

You and me in an iron lung? Breathtaking.

A promise from the moral wing of the Republican Party

And what's Obama done to stop it? Exactly.

We even have a few black Jew women in a very special folder.

Listen up, sweetheart...

Hey girl, people that text the word "Give" to the Obama campaign at 62262, thereby donating $10 to his re-election efforts, make we want to vomit. Whatever you do today, don't do that. DO NOT DO THAT!

Let me clarify: Whatever you might have going on today, DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO TYPE THE LETTERS "GIVE" TO 62262.

I know as a woman, you don't have the capacity to fully understand how technology works, but if you TEXT THE WORD "GIVE" (no quotes) TO 62262, it will give $10 to Barack Obama and his re-election efforts. And as my lover, you don't want to do that.

You may now return to filing your nails.

You are totally going in my binder.

We'll put that promise in our big lady binder.

His smile is just so white, how can it not vote Republican?

It's an evil place and must be heavily controlled.

Democrats only wish they had someone this disheveled and old and white.

And fact-checkers are communists.

You're good at the things ladies do.

Just lay back and tell your ovaries to take five.

Equal pay for women would hurt women more.

Dear Paul Ryan Gosling,

What's the best song to "make whoopie" to?

Sincerely,

In The Mood

HEY GIRL: When I'm making love to a fine thing like yourself, I usually find myself humming "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." I find it helps to prolongs the experience, if you know what I mean and I think that you do. The only downside is now I can't go to a Brewers game without excusing myself to a bathroom stall for about three-and-a-half minutes after the seventh inning stretch.

Medicare cuts!

Dear Paul Ryan Gosling,

Does rape cause pregnancy?

Sincerely,

Need Answer Quick

HEY GIRL: No, the love of a man for a woman, as demonstrated by the insertion of his erect penis into her soft, supple vagina while kissing her lips and humming "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" causes pregnancy.

Dear Paul Ryan Gosling,

Would you rather wake up next to a dozen adorable kittens or a sick, coughing spouse?

Sincerely,

John McCain

HEY GIRL: I'm fairly certain you're not the real John McCain. If you are, answer this question that only the real John McCain would know the answer to: What was the name of the prostitute at that opium den in Madagascar who was feeding us lemon cake off of her ass?

If you have a question for Paul Ryan Gosling, submit it here. Satisfaction not guaranteed.

Next up: Invisible Biden!

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