All about Zen
You need a professional Zen garden to meditate Zen: https://www.amazon.com/ICNBUYS-Japanese-Censers-Pushing-Diameter/dp/B01II9PHI4

tannertan36
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Janaina Medeiros
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
DEAR READER

titsay
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Mike Driver
Monterey Bay Aquarium
taylor price
Peter Solarz

No title available

if i look back, i am lost

Kaledo Art

oozey mess

pixel skylines
d e v o n

Discoholic 🪩

seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada

seen from Türkiye

seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Poland

seen from United States

seen from United States
@paw125
All about Zen
You need a professional Zen garden to meditate Zen: https://www.amazon.com/ICNBUYS-Japanese-Censers-Pushing-Diameter/dp/B01II9PHI4
Self care challenge! Come and practise!
Professional Zen garden to help your self care on https://www.amazon.com/ICNBUYS-Japanese-Censers-Pushing-Diameter/dp/B01II9PHI4
I miss you. I don’t even know where to begin with this. I’ve been thinking lately if our cruise together was a good thing or not because of how close it brought us. I was excited because i was getting to bond with you, to grow closer, and strengthen or friendship, but our friendship seemed to be more. 4 nights with you....i would say they were some of my best, if not the best nights i have had in years. from our pillow talks, to cuddles. the massages and the affections you showed towards me. the comfort i felt knowing you were beside while i slept. I felt safe, and it clearly showed in the way I was able to sleep. although you snore when you sleep, I found it comforting. when you laid your head on my check, your arms wrapped around me, and my hand massaging the back of your neck, or scratching the back of your head...in that moment i wanted time to stop, i wanted to protect you like you do to me. i wanted to comfort you the way i feel comfort when i’m with you. i’ve never gotten this close to anyone the way i got close to you, and the way i allowed you to get close to me....i miss those moments, i miss those nights when i couldn’t sleep, i’d lie there talking to you, bugging you, or massaging you. i miss the way we would lay side by side, facing each other, and looking at each other. playing with your hair, or giving you another neck massage, or head scratch...then slowly, falling asleep.made me realize what i’ve been missing all this time....now i crave it
i feel extra special knowing that he’s never bought a dozen roses for anyone, except me....not even his exs gotten one, and a box of see’s dark chocolate....i didn’t know how he felt until last night. he told me had fallen hard for me, that he loved me.....but he felt i didn’t feel the same. I wanted to reciprocate those feelings he had for me, but i didn’t i tried forcing myself to have those feelings, but I just couldn’t. he didn’t want me to have to force it, and he knows that there are some things i need to work through right now....and only i can help myself. it’s the best thing for the both of us, and we are going to be friends. i appreciate him for having the courage to bring something up that i just couldn’t get myself to do because I didn’t want to hurt him. i was happy when he told me that he wasn’t going to just abandon me, and that he is here for me. he’s not going to give up on me as a person, or as friend ever.it makes me sad that i just can’t be that person who can give him what he wants. but, i am grateful to have gained a friendship out of this......i just hope that he will be ok with me still around. I guess i had that much of an effect on him that had him in tears as he was getting things off his chest...i know how hard it must have been to pour his hear out to me, and tell me how he felt about all this....but he doesn’t have any regrets either, he doesn’t hate me, or anything...so that makes me feel a little better. i just feel a bit bad that my feelings couldn’t be reciprocated. I think my best friend would be relieved as he wasn’t fond of him, just as he wasn’t fond my best friend.....i think i would have been in the middle haha....but i think they both would have tried to get along, and like each other for my sake.
http://iglovequotes.net/
i’m so excited, and looking forward to sunday because i finally get to hang out with him again. I haven’t seen him in almost three months because he was busy with working full time, and also studying to retake his GMAT, then literally a day after his exam he was off to China for 2 whole weeks. I didn’t get to talk to him much, but i missed his presence more than anything. i like hanging out with him because makes me feel taken care of, and i like his protectiveness. he’s basically the only person I can depend on these days, and i missed him a lot when we stopped hanging out for a bit. so.....super excited to see him, and catch up with him this sunday. Lunch will be good!
hurry up and come home! i’m getting impatient waiting for your return so that we can hang out again. i’m needing your company right now, and two months without hanging out with you is too long! i miss being in your company because i feel taken care of, and i miss how you’re protective of me. it’s nice knowing how much you care.....even though i joke about how mean you are, and how you care a little when i know you secretly care a lot about me because i see it in your actions. I’m just sorry i can’t give you what you want from me even though i want it as much as you...but i can’t because you’re the only one who hasn’t hurt me, and i don’t want anything to change that because i want you in my life for as long as i can have you. i’ll always be more than a friend to you, but less than...yea haha. you’re my forever friend, my one and only, best friend. come home now!
i think i am going to go for a jog friday.....ok, i am going to make an attempt at jogging. only reason i am doing so is because it’s the quickest way to build endurance....or stamina so that i can redeem myself hiking at cucamonga peak haha. that was sad, and unacceptable. then again, it wasn’t for beginners anyway, so wasn’t all my fault. but yea, i am probably go to jog friday.
oh where oh where is my one and only....did you leave to China already?!
i have the hiccups randomly and i can’t get ride of it!
I used to listen to music often. every night i’d have tea and music time, it was my escape, and as i found myself in love right you, suddenly the lyrics all made sense, i understood it, it was as if i could have written it for you. i don’t listen to much music anymore. i went for a long time not being able to listen to the radio, or any song for that matter as it would remind me of you. it was all the songs you’d sent me, the songs you’ve put in a playlist for me. your mixtape for me....it was torture. i’m actually laying in my room with my headphone on, volume on blast, and getting lost in the music, everything just drowns and it just me, and the music. i forgot how i needed this, and why music was my safe place. it never lets you down, it;s always there.....and of course i only listen to oldies....back when music was actually good
around midnight on monday night, i needed to talk to my bestie about something because i wanted his opinion. i told him a week ago that i’d let him focus on his studies because he’s retaking his gmat at the end of the month. so a week goes by of us not talking. i message him saying “i need you! this is an emergency” he response back asking what happened, and asking if it was a real or fake emergency. i really needed to talk to him, acted on my emotions without much thought as how much how worried he might be as he’s often taken care of me, and protecting me when we do things together, and when we’re not, he shows his concerns, and tells me to be careful. i should have known, and thought about what i was doing. after i told him it wasn’t a medical emergency, and i apologize saying i should have said i needed to talk to him instead. he responds back with “i’m going to sleep” and sends me a goodnight sticker emoji. i felt like he was mad at me for doing that....for making him worry a bit. the next morning, i texted him asking if he was mad, and told him that i really did needed to talk to him about something, but said never mind as it takes up too much of his time, and that i’ll figure it out. he responded back saying that he was mad, but disappointed that it wasn’t an emergency, like the sheep who cries wolf. i was so sad reading this, and telling him that it wasn’t what i was doing. i hated that he was disappointed. it was so much worse than him being bad. i’d rather him be mad than disappointed at me. i felt so bad, and so sad that i really did disappoint him. i asked him to please not be disappointed, he responded saying that it was over now, and asked if things were ok now, then sends me a picture telling me he got a new phone haha. i was having such a hard time, and not being able to talk to him because i wanted him to study...i missed talking to him, and because we haven’t hung out in almost two months, I was missing our time together. he tells me that after the exam he will hang out, i laughed and said that he’s going to china after, and he after that too because he had already told me to wait till sometime october when he gets back. i thought i was going to have to wait till then, but it looks like i get to hang out with him sooner.
i don’t know how i got so lucky to have met him. i love how he secretly cares about me, and it shows in his actions. i never have to question if he care or not because i know he does. it was clearly evident on our day of hiking. i felt so taken care of, and safe. he’s the only person i can depend on these days. he asked if i missed him because i was talking about missing people.....as a hint kind of haha. then again tuesday as we were talking.....i know’s i’ve been having a tough time emotionally, that’s why he said after his exam we will do something. reminds me of the time he took me out, and we had a whole day od hiking, going to the park, and letting me run around catching frisbe like a puppy, because i needed that, then feeding me at the end of our day. he’s so attentive, and caring, so protective that i feel safe, and makes for an amazing best friend. I could not have asked for a better best friend. i hope i don’t ever disappoint him again. disappointing people who care about you does not feel good.
http://iglovequotes.net/
the runner
I could never fully express how i felt when I ran from Mitchell. What i felt, my relationship with him was something i could never fully find the correct words to express it. it’s one of those where you have to experience it to understand what i am talking about. Then i came across this, and it’s exactly everything i’ve been trying to say. the exact way i felt, and was feeling. i can still remember us siting in front of each other as we ate....and just staring into his eyes like i was staring into my own. it was as if we were the only two existing. no space, or time existed.
“A RUNNERS STORY...by un-known authorI
am a Runner. I ran from the connection. It literally took me 6 months to even see that I was the one who was running. What you have to understand about the Runner is they are in absolute agony, and they are being pulled by the energy of the connection, which is absolutely maddening.I felt my own pain, but I also felt my Twin Soul‘s pain. It was a feeling of panic. I would wake up with it, and it was the most awful feeling. The only way I can describe it is waking up from a sound, peaceful sleep and in a matter of seconds, you feel extreme anxiety and this ungodly feeling of loss. Your heart is actually hot and it pounds; your chest is sweating. It’s the sensation of a nightmare where you’re being chased, only you’re awake. That’s how I would wake up every morning.Combined with feeling his pain and emotions, I was also feeling this incredible pull towards him. Everything in my body was telling me that I need to be with this man. But, something was telling me inside that I was not ready. Something was telling me I needed to really look hard at myself and my issues and fix myself, so what happened with my Twin Soul would never happen again.I knew that even if he called me and told me how much he missed and loved me, I would still be a mess. There would never be a happily ever after until I did the work on myself. So I ran. And by running, I dove further into myself (if that makes sense) to fix what was broken inside me.I stopped going out with my friends and became a hermit. I worked and came home, and that’s it. I was in an emotional coma. I was dealing with the loss of my Twin Soul, the strong energies that were pulling me to him, his pain, my own pain, and to top it all off, I was going through a spiritual awakening. I was a mess. I also knew this was my time to fix all my issues. I knew I had to run and be myself to do it. I love my Twin Soul so much that I didn’t want him to have to deal with me until I had fixed myself. So I disappeared. I took myself off Facebook, and I became a ghost. I honestly didn’t even know I was running from him.In the meantime, I saw signs every day telling me that this connection to him was the real deal. I felt chased by the Universe. I kept thinking “Please leave me alone! I’m just trying to get over him, and you’re making this really hard!” In my head, I thought he was the one who had run out on me. That’s how crazy these connections can make you. The energy is so strong that you feel like you’re going insane. That’s why they call it “Runner’s Insanity.”It wasn’t until April/May, when I had the realization that I was the one who had run, and I was the one who was still running. I saw everything clearly and I thought about our fight and the way things had played out. And I realized that I couldn’t deal with the intensity of the connection anymore, so I said “If you want me gone, I’m gone.” I saw it as me giving him an out because I thought that’s what he wanted, but he didn’t. He ended up taking the out because he thought I wanted it. We mirrored each other’s fears. I’m sure by forcing his hand to end it, I broke his heart. I hurt him, but I hurt myself, too, in unfathomable ways. Even as spiritually awakened as I was, I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. I couldn’t see that I was the one who had ended it. I couldn’t see that I was running.As She wrote in her article, Why is my Twin Soul Running from me?, runners leave the relationship out of fear. They are scared to death. They are frightened of the intense love they feel for their Twin Soul. They are so terrified that this feeling of love is one-sided that they high-tail it out of the relationship as fast as their sneakers can take them! – But where does this fear come from? The fear comes from deep-seated issues that have plagued this person for not only all of this lifetime, but previous lifetimes. This is what is meant by “karma.” Karma is soul memory. In our past lives, we experience many things that will teach us lessons. These lessons can come in the form of losing the loves of our lives, being abandoned, betrayal by somebody we love, or even somebody killing us, and the soul never forgets. The pain of all those things resonates within us, until we do the work to clear and heal the karma and the issues, once and for all, which is exactly what Twin Soul connections do.But nothing about the process is easy. It’s incredibly painful. It truly is a blessing, but it will feel like a curse sometimes. It’s the Universe’s way of fixing us. With extreme pain, comes change and transformation. During these separations, only until you have seen the darkness will you see the sun. It is something that we must accept as we move through this spiritual journey. By meeting the Twin Soul, a mirror is held up in front of the Runner’s eyes, and they can see everything that is wrong with them. All those issues of self-love, abandonment, codependency, etc., come to the surface. Suddenly, this person sees their issues, issues that they’ve avoided for possibly lifetimes, and it’s terrifying, so they run, run, run. They don’t even know what they’re running from. They just know they need to get out. And by getting out, they leave their Twin Soul behind.Many of you may blame your Runners for walking out on you, starting new relationships, and rejecting one of the most Divine unions a person can ever be blessed to have, but you have to realize that this is all part of their journey to find themselves. They cannot be with you until they do that. Some people aren’t as spiritually enlightened, so it’s going to take them longer to find their way back to you. Some people will try to distract themselves any way they can (relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc.) so they don’t have to face their issues, but trust me, they don’t have a choice. They can put it off, but it will happen. You can’t fight the Universe.When I ran from my Twin Soul, I loved him more than I loved myself, because I didn’t know how to love myself, which was one of my issues. True love must come from within before you can give it to another person. You have to love yourself first, or a relationship will never work between you two. There is no way around it either: Once the energies between Twin Souls become unbalanced, you separate, and the Universe forces you to balance the energies, whether you like it or not. The only way to come back together is for each of you to work on yourself separately. Only through inner love and happiness will a reconnection take place.In the meantime, you have to accept that they are on a personal journey, and you can’t blame them or feel that they’ve abandoned you. They haven’t. It all goes deeper than it seems. What you see on the surface is a person who has left you because they don’t care about you, but if you look into the spiritual side, you will see they have left because they love you so much that they have to become stronger just so they can handle the fire storm of love and emotions they truly feel. They have to be able to look at you aka their “Mirror”, and like what they see. Some of them aren’t ready to do that. Some of them haven’t found the love within themselves yet. And some of them have a deep soul knowing that they’re not ready to be with you. It’s okay. Let them find themselves. And if that involves having other relationships, you must accept it is a part of their journey, as difficult as that may be.No pushing on your part will ever make them come back. They will come back when it’s time. The only thing you can do is do the inner work, find peace amidst the chaos, and balance amidst the pain and pull of the connection, and love yourself. Loving yourself is the key to surviving this Divine connection. Without love in your heart, you will only experience pain. And ultimately, the pain will keep you from reconnecting. ......Love will bring you back.”
late night thoughts
I should be sleeping since I have a long day tomorrow....but still enjoying my tea
this weekend has been such an emotional weekend for me. friday night....it was literally one of those nights where i felt so alone because i felt like there was no one i could talk to, or wanted to talk about what what bothering me. the only person i wanted to talk to i no longer could as he has shut me out of his life, giving me the silent treatment....and i don’t blame him. i hurt him by abandoning him, or at least pushed him away anyway. what was bothering me was not having him by my side. it was one of those nights where i needed to talk to someone. so, i messaged Jonathan (3.5 months of no contact with him) we only started talking again about 2 weeks ago. it’s still so easy talking to him.
anyway. i messaged him, told him i wasn’t even sure if could talk to him about this...but he responded pretty quick, asked me what was wrong.....i honesty didn’t know how to put into words....i struggled to find words. i asked him something, but he said he wasn’t sure he could answer because i’m sure he’s never done something like that. so i just said “ok...never mind” i let it go. i see “...” which means he was typing something. then disappears as i was typing something....but deleted it. it went on for awhile, and clearly both of us were wanting to say something....but kept deleting it. finally i just typed out that it’s frustrating not being able to find the words....he just said that whatever it is, he hopes i’ll be able to or something. so i asked if he was going to sleep, and tells me that he’s just relaxing in bed. still feeling sad i responded “oh...!” haha he laughs and asked if i was surprised by that. i wasn’t sure what he mean by that so i asked what he meant and basically just said because of my exclamation point, and how that indicates surprised. i told him how i was remember about how he used to say my “ohh...ok....” or “oh ok...” sounded so sad (sometimes it’s me being sad) so i had to put the exclamation point at the end to make it sound not sad” he laughs and said worked. didn’t sound sad at all. i kept using ellipses and so he noticed and said “still using those ellipses i see ....” haha it’s just me still thinking....the conversation still going. i asked him if i ever told him about my abandonment issues. and i went on to explain what was going on,why i push everyone away, or was afraid to get close to people. i didn’t want to be that peson anymore. told him how i have finally healed that part of me, how free i feel now. he said it was good that i was working on it, and asked if that’s what i’ve been thinking about. i simply just said that and among others, then i asked if he remembers that one email i wrote him about how i love that he’s an honest person, and how i was emotionally unavailable when we were first getting to know each other (i wrote an email because it was late one night, and i was upset over something. i wrote an email so that i wasn’t bothering him with a text as it might wake him) anyway, said he remembers. well, i said the question kind of had something to do with someone i pushed away, and tonight i was feeling hurt because of it. then i told him how i started thinking about i did with him and the way i was with him and how it made me sad for the person i was. those few months of us not talking....i started working on myself to heal from my past because i had to. i hurt Mitchell because of that. anyway, told him how i realized i was selfish for only thinking about myself, and what i wanted....anyway, the mood became lighter when asked him what he did with all my pictures, and if he deleted them all. he laughs and asked if i was curious which i was. so i responded “you did huh? oh well” to my surprise he tells me he still has them. then says that it sounds like i’ve been doing a lot of self reflection over the past few months. of course i have! i’m changing! once step at a time. i’m touched, and glad he still keeps my pictures because i couldn’t deletes his pictures myself. he went on to say again that he really do still have them. i made a type and had to correct myself. he laughs and says some things never change though. i said th’a some people like my typos. it gives me character, he laughs again and says “that’s true” he’s always did like my typos, and thought they made me charming.
the more i talked to him, the more i started to miss him. i had to tell him i was calling it a night because the more i talk to him, the more i miss him. i miss him. i agreed to be friends, but my feelings are coming back. now i feel stuck. a part of me is always going to be in love with Mitchell, but my feelings are growing again for Jonathan.....i think i need space away from everyone. why am i in this mess?! i felt so comforted talking to Jonathan, i forgot how open, and honest he was, how sweet, and easy it was to talk to him. it’s hard finding that these days....i’m not afraid to say how i feel because of him always telling me to just say what i feel, and be straightforward. his honesty, and openness helps me to be the same. i really do miss him. i am thankful that he’s still in my life.
Ease your soul here
Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst.
Yara Bashraheel (via psych-facts)
http://iglovequotes.net/