MELANCOLÍA
@yfxjaebum
no, no, no
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something caused him to be restless.
it was the open window. the breeze was bothering him. that was it.
he got up from the corner of his bed and put Waiting for Godot facedown to bookmark his page. the red lights had finally left but the siren was evident in his mind. jaebum clearly remembered selfishly wanting to hear and see those terrorizing lights for his own sake.
back when soojung called out his name in fear, back when he knew the secret that ruined them both. he remembered standing still when one of his "older brothers” threw a chair to the wall just to get a metal leg.
cheong ryeong was never a very — subtle group.
what is there to say? he was their favorite rag-doll initiate, his gaze was hereditary — couldn’t help it. but it was too much for them, apparently. he never knew his place, they said. he’d have to learn his lesson while she watched. beating a dog that doesn’t quite understand what he had done wrong, but he was obedient nonetheless.
he finally got to feel the impact of metal to porcelain before she cradled him, obediently following instructions as he told her how to stitch through skin. she later thanked him because she lost her fear of blood because of him.
if he learned anything at all, it was that there was no such thing as comfort at this school. his moment of ease had always been the flight back home. Philadelphia was nothing to sneeze at, but it surely wasn’t this place. the violent seas that were in motion even at rest, it all happened in a matter of months when he thought he’d simply be able to trudge through three years to become a nameless stock broker.
he thought it’d be easy to keep a window closed on his past, he really did.
r e s t l e s s ; the famed dog was anxious at the memory of wanting to pay an emergency fee out of pocket. thankfully, he could walk away from the window and sit down to return to his book.
VLADIMIR It hurts? ESTRAGON (angrily) Hurts! He wants to know if it hurts! VLADIMIR (angrily) No one ever suffers but you. I don't count. I'd like to hear what you'd say if you had what I have. ESTRAGON It hurts? VLADIMIR (angrily) Hurts! He wants to know if it hurts! ESTRAGON (pointing) You might button it all the same. VLADIMIR (stooping) True. (He buttons his fly.) Never neglect the little things of life.
(1.24-30)
jaebum highlighted this section hesitantly, assuming that it would be important.
interruption was inevitable, quite frankly — he had gotten used to it by now. the soft rap on his door made him put the highlighter behind his ear as he got up while still reading.
he paused.
the timid knock turned into intrusive pounding, causing jaebum to furrow his brows. he didn’t bother to put on a shirt or to save his page as he tossed the book on his bed and dismiss the highlighter that had fallen halfway to the door.
jaebum is a professional when it comes to opening doors.
tears only verified jaebum’s interpretation of jiyong’s expression. trembling shoulders and fists for hands, this was beyond repair. the last time he saw jiyong was painful, but it wasn’t nearly as nerve-wrecking as this scene. his hands immediately reached out instinctively, one went to cradle the back of his head and the other around his waist. as if to say, ‘ you could lean back, and i would still support hold you’. his grip was tight enough to ensure that he, too, was scared.
he had no idea why jiyong was trembling on his doorstep, cold and wet. jaebum wanted to let go for a moment, to grab a towel and to warm him with a blanket but he couldn’t budge nor could he speak. if anything, he simply heard the painful sound of a cry and the embodiment of fear in his arms. jiyong was scared, that much he understood.
that much, he understood.
