🍑ha, dick🍑

lil hopeless romantic w a superiority complex

[electrictype]

my DNA test results came back positive. i definitely have DNA.

[himejoshikomaeda]

quit bragging

[tlirsgender]

Me: I love bees :) they’re very important for the ecosystem and they’re cute and make honey

A bee: buzz

Me, shaking and crying: please don’t hurt me

[welcometoaurorashell]

This is exactly me

[megurashkarchived]

i am so gentle and kind hearted

[megurashkarchived]

and stupid

[love]

[pokemonofficial]

*walks into kitchen at 2 am*

…wow okay.. i need to be quiet…

TRIPS OVER CHAIR, BREAKS LEG, CATCHES HOUSE ON FIRE

[pantomimepenguin-blog]

who brushes their teeth in the kitchen?

[pokemonofficial]

what

[help-mywife]

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

[z-nogyrop]

those “monkey brain/human brain” posts except the monkey brain is presented as the rational one

[z-nogyrop]

monkey brain: extra body hair provides warmth and producing it but then cutting it off wastes valuable nutrients

human brain: hehe leg smooth

[localdoubt-deactivated20221128]

*looking at a tiger*

monkey brain: that animal right there is a dangerous predator adapted for stalking, chasing, and quickly dispatching of creatures like us. we should find high ground to get away from it before it sees us

human brain: hehe kitty wana pet

[localdoubt-deactivated20221128]

monkey brain: the ocean is the last place we want to be right now. we’re not built to swim and we’ll likely drown within five minutes. and let’s not even get into what might want to kill us once we get into open water

human brain: wheee swimmy

[snorlaxatives]

i can’t believe there are people that are still in high school like… it’s literally 2018 how have you not grown up yet damn

[theeidiot79-deactivated20180115]

Are you perhaps some sort of idiot?

[snorlaxatives]

[audidas-deactivated20140818]

7 million people in the earth. 0 messages in my Inbox

[oate]

7 million

[biphoenix]

in the earth

[tehrisa]

free them

[voirdiredear-deactivated2019083]

[surreal--memes]

THICK FORK THICK FORK THICK FORK

[kurapiki]

In this world it’s yeet or be yeeted

[itglamours]

[pleatedjeans]

[bigcloudsuit]

when she succ you in the bus

she a succubus 

[weloveshortvideos]

[nourrice]

sometimes you gotta: thank god that’s finished! and move on girl

[gaterade]

I’m the random punctuation