fat.

Sasha |18↑| 163 cm | cw: 59 kg | ugw: 42kg |

[tropicalfield-deactivated202602]

ed-things nobody talks about

(some things I experienced when my ed was really bad when I was 16-17. It’s not all fun and it’s not like the cute thinspo-posts you see here everyday)

hiding food in your pockets, shoes, socks… while eating with others

forgetting that you were hiding the food in these places (oh the smell)

friends, family … finding the food you were hiding

trowing away the food someone you loved gave you

making people cry and constantly worry about you

being upset when people give you the bigger portion (do they think you eat that much????)

being upset when people give you the smaller portion (do they think you are fat and that you should eat less????)

drinking to much water before a doctors weight in so you feel like you are peeing your pants

the pain after the laxatives kick in

being afraid to put chapstick on (because you know, it’s made out of fat lol)

not going out with frieds, because there is food everywhere (you will regret it later, because everyone went clubbing and now that you are healthy they are not into that anymore, aka missing out your youth)

freezing when people around you wear a bikini

not being able to get pregnant, although you recovered

heartproblems, although recovered

struggling with hormone-production, although you recovered

having bad teeth, although you recovered

having problems with your bones, although you recovered

having problems with your nails and hair, although recovered

the need to take medication your whole life because of a few years of having an ed

loosing your sexdrive

being afraid to fall asleep and never wake up again

not being able to stop, even if you want to

Edit: I didn’t want to make you guys feel bad about using chapsticks. I thought it was obvious that, unless your eat your chapstick, you don’t consume calories by using it. Calories need to enter your mouth, not just sit on your lip. Your skin just absorbs the moisture, you can’t gain weight by putting calories on your skin. Me thinking that was a thing and so many of you now thinking that’s a thing should make you think about how absurd this illness is. You are here to live and experience this earth. You are not on this planet to worry about calories absorbing your body through your skin.

[peachiivocado]

About a year and a half or so since I last relapsed, I feel like I might get worse again

[onlyonekenobi]

the two genders are “i no longer wish to be perceived” and “i have to be the most fuckable person at the grocery store”

[peachiivocado]

I'm back and fatter and uglier than ever and I hate it thanks

[peachiivocado]

Just got my first job and Im excited for not sitting down for hours and restricting and losing more weight

[coralmoneyslimeperson]

Ever hate that your parents buy loads of food and leave it round the house because you know that when it's there you have the temptation to binge. Then you realise that in reality it's not your parents fault for your binge but your own coz you have no self control or determination. Same...

[overitoutofit]

we are ignoring my actual current weight until it’s back to what my bio says my current weight is thank you that is all

[gay7tired]

The fact that I'm 17 and I'm meant to be like the girls in the coming of age movies but instead I'm crying because I ate a gummy bear is both hilarious and tragic to me.

[strangehorse]

"But I can't have an eating disorder BECAUSE..."

“I eat too much!” There is no maximum calorie limit for eating disorders. An eating disorder is not about what you eat, but how you eat- your feelings/thoughts about your body and your intake.

“I’m not underweight!” The majority of people who develop an eating disorder will never become underweight. The only disorder that is diagnosed based partially on weight is anorexia- and for that, if you’re an average weight but meet every other criteria, you’ll still be diagnosed with ‘atypical anorexia nervosa’. It doesn’t mean you aren’t sick or that you don’t need help.

“I don’t meet the anorexia/bulimia guidelines!” OSFED (formerly known as EDNOS) is not a ‘failed’ eating disorder. It is every bit as serious as anorexia or bulimia. It is also the most commonly diagnosed eating disorder, meaning more people have this than anorexia or bulimia.

“I don’t make myself sick!” Vomiting is only one form of purging. You can have bulimia, anorexia or OSFED/ARFID and not make yourself sick.

“I still eat!” So does everybody else. You can’t photosynthesise, after all. Even people with eating disorders eat.

“I feel like a fake/ a fraud!” So does basically every single other eating disordered person. This is a really, really, really, really common feeling. You might feel guilty for ‘misleading’ other people into believing the problem is more serious than it is, or feel like you’re overblowing things. That’s totally normal and it is not true. You are not a fake or a fraud.

“I eat things that no real anorexic would eat!” I have known eating disordered patients with these safe foods: chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola I have known eating disordered patients with these fear foods: : chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola Safe/fear foods are not based on logic or reason. They are individualised. There are even people who don’t have any fear foods- they’ll eat anything, they’ll just feel crappy and purge it/ restrict afterwards. All of the experiences described here are those of a person with an eating disorder.

“I’ve never been inpatient!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been tube fed!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been near death!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“My blood work/ blood pressure is fine! Eating disorders affect different bodies in different ways. Some people find their blood work suffers; others find their blood pressure or pulse dips; others find that, whilst they’re suffering hugely mentally, their bodies hold up well. This is not a measure of how ‘sick’ you are. All of these things- weight, bp, pulse etc- are just symptoms of the sickness. The sickness is in your head.

“I don’t feel sick enough.” You never will. Sorry. “I’m not sick enough!” is one of the most common ED thoughts there is; please don’t listen to it. It is a lie. Do not compare your misery to someone else’s; nobody with stage I cancer says ‘yeah, but that person is a stage III, so I’m not really that bad and I won’t get any treatment yet’.

“I still get my period!” ‘Period loss’ has been removed from the DSM as necessary for a diagnosis of anorexia, and no other eating disorder requires it. It was viewed as a flawed measure of illness, and so it has been removed. Whether or not you get your period is not an indication of how ill you are.

“But I binge eat without throwing up” Binge eating disorder is a newly added eating disorder in the DSM, where people eat large amounts of food in an ‘out of control’ manner but then do not compensate inappropriately for it. It is very much a real eating disorder.

“I don’t calorie count/ weigh myself!” I know many people with eating disorders- including anorexia- who have never calorie counted, or who don’t own a pair of scales. It’s not required for diagnosis.

“I think about food all the time!” This is a symptom of an eating disorder. Malnutrition causes the brain to focus 100% of its attention on food- finding it, getting it, eating it. Daydreaming or fantasizing about food does not mean you are not sick; quite the opposite, in fact.

“But I enjoy eating!” Most people do. Eating is enjoyable. Even in the depths of my restriction, the food I ate brought me great pleasure. It’s linked to the previous point, to a certain extent. Enjoying food does not mean you don’t have an ED.

“But this is just how I am!” Eating disorders often start in early childhood, and it can be hard to break out of a pattern that well-entrenched. It’s not impossible, though. Chronic eating disorders can be harder to beat, but they can be beaten.

–

(part of Mental Health Awareness week)

For more information on eating disorders and what to do if you think you have one, visit

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.webiteback.com

http://www.something-fishy.org

NHS- overcoming eating disorders

www.joyproject.org

[peachiivocado]

Crying bc ill never be the skinny teen i wanted to be as a kid

[bloodyknuckies]

me, completely disregarding my food rules and eating the whole kitchen right after exercising

[spiralupandout]

your eating disorder’s severity is not determined by weight because eating disorders are not weight disorders they’re behavioral disorders thanks for coming to my ted talk

[rosesnstarlight]

me 5 years ago: omg there’s no way i could eVeR have an eating disorder, i love food WAY too much to ever starve myself lmao!!

me now:

[certasluas]

[peachiivocado]

Tfw you cant tell if youre able to enjoy cookies or if just binging

[realmhont]

“If you’re anorexic, why have i seen you eat? You’re a normal weight too.”  Reblog if this made you cringe.

[tomatoblob]

The worst thing about this eating disorder is that I don’t have patience. I know I can do this. But not seeing my weight drop every time I choose to skip a meal or restrict is really frustrating. Having to wait weeks or months to see results is driving me insane.