The Christmas Promise || Self-Para
Christmas. The one day of the year that Pearce could feel the two phases of his life competing for attention. On the one hand, he could feel the niggling beginnings of depression over the holidays, brought on by the realisation that he was another year older, that he was fortunate while others werenāt, that his family were so far away and couldnāt care less about him. But on the other, he realised how truly blessed he was ā particularly when he woke up beside Col and saw everything that was his life now embodied and reflected in that one person. It should have terrified him; it should have made him scared at being co-dependent and reliant, but instead it filled him with happiness. Col and Pearce had been through too much together for him to ever be scared of where they could head, and in that realisation was liberty. Outside, the winds were howling and it was bitterly cold, and Pearce wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders as he turned over and saw Col sleeping, her bare shoulders peeking out. Shuffling over across the bed, he pulled the blanket up over her skin and watching as the movement stirred her.
Pearce didnāt want to wake her, so he laid completely still for a while until she went back to sleep, her breathing deep and rhythmic and her nose twitching like it always did. Only then did he brace against the cold and leave the bed, slipping off the mattress smoothly and pulling on a sweater as he padded to the kitchen. His apartment was cast in greys and blues due to the weather, but the Christmas tree that stood tall and proud in his lounge room was a bright distraction. It acted as a shield, and as Pearce boiled the kettle and stood with his arms wrapped around his chest waiting, he studied the modest pile of gifts which had been stacked around the treeās lower branches. They didnāt have a lot of money, and the fact that they were currently renting two separate apartments was a strain on both of them, but they had pulled together a fair haul this year, and Pearce couldnāt wait to see Colās face on some of the gifts heād bought for her.
The kettle clicked off, and Pearce poured himself a cup of coffee to drink while he set about making Col breakfast. He was silent as he worked on the waffles and bacon, thinking about how little food he actually made in his lifetime ā it was always Col in the kitchen, which seemed a little unfair to him but she never complained. Pearce was a hopeless cook, heād be the first to admit it, but at least he could pull together a decent breakfast ā Col deserved that much. Pearce laid out a tray with cutlery and a plate of waffles, syrup, bacon and a cup of coffee, made strong, just the way Col liked it. The only bitter moment for the breakfast was the small pills he shook out of several bottles and placed on the plate beside her food ā meds, the kind that Col couldnāt afford to skip.
After finishing his own coffee, Pearce grabbed the tray of steaming food and walked to the bedroom, nudging open the door with his foot and seeing that Col was still sleeping. He placed the tray on a flat portion of the bed and climbed back in beside her, gently shaking her awake ā she was a fairly normal sleeper and didnāt take much to rouse.
āMerry Christmas, baby,ā he said, watching as her face slowly animated ā her eyes opened and the tentative innocence that had settled on her during the night disappeared under the weight of knowledge and information and thoughts. She was, of course, more beautiful awake than asleep, and Pearce leant forward and kissed her gently, smiling when she reciprocated. āBreakfast?ā
The tray was pulled into Colās lap as she sat up, and Pearce duly received Colās complaints that he shouldnāt have, which he suspected was code for āno, really, you shouldnāt have ā I donāt know if this is edible.ā Nonetheless, he watched on with amusement as she ate the food heād made her and sipping the hot coffee, not once flinching as it probably burnt her tongue. Pearce was lying back down in bed, feeling particularly satisfied with his work already: Col had been given the best start to her Christmas morning, and therefore nothing else could go wrong. Pearce planned to put that theory to the test.
Once Col had finished eating and the tray had been pushed and kicked to the bottom of the bed where it wouldnāt be knocked, Col settled back against Pearce in the bed, and he pulled the covers up over her so that they could both fend off the chill from outside. It was a perfect world there in his apartment and bed ā it was a microscopic snapshot of the perfect Christmas, the kind that you spend with the person you love the most in the world, and Pearce wouldnāt have traded it in for anything. But something weighed on his mind ā something that felt heavy and cumbersome, and he wanted to get it off his mind, but the thought that he might ruin the day was a strong deterrent. Under the blanket, Pearce found Colās hand and held it fast, and he knew that she was looking at him in concern, worried that something was wrong when all it was, was a matter of phrasing.
āIāve been doing a lot of thinking lately,ā he began, trying to keep his heart a regular pace as it raced beneath Colās head, which rested on his chest. āParticularly after what happenedā¦. with-, you know, before,ā he said, not wanting to bring up the unpleasant memories of the kidnapping, no matter how persistently they probably clung to Colās mind. āIt kind of put everything into perspective, you know? I suddenly realised how important some things are, and how unimportant others are, too. Andā¦ I donāt know, I just-, I feel like now, more than ever, we are important, you know? You and me and our life together and our future and where weāre going.ā Pearce knew he was rambling on, but he also knew that Col was always more patient with him than he deserved. He took a steadying breath and continued. āWeāve always talked around or about or hinted at- at marriage and Iām not saying I want that now, but Iām saying that I want us to do that when the time is right. I want both of us to be there and to have the means to afford it and weāre both ready, so-ā¦ā Pearce squeezed her hand once before reaching over to the bedside table. āThis is my promise to you on that ā that we will have our future together, but when weāre ready and the time is right.ā
His stomach was a jumble of nerves and butterflies and happiness as he reached down around Col and opened the box he held, revealing a ring. It wasnāt the most stunning of rings in the sense of diamonds or colour; it wasnāt boastful or flashy or pretentious. It was a ring that Pearce felt was sincere in its purpose, and it had an old-style charm about it that he liked. Silver all-over, the ring had a small diamond in the centre and shouldered by smaller clusters of diamonds on other side; it was a promise ring that Pearce felt that Col would like, because he saw Col in the ring. He pulled it from the box and, with a slightly trembling hand, placed it on Colās left hand, watching as the band slid straight on her finger. Pearce wanted to deny the rush that that small action gave him, as though he were actually proposing and that Col had just said yes ā that she would be his forever. But it was not that time, not yet, and he had to content himself with the thought heād made a promise to Col, and for the time being, it would be enough.
Col rolled over in his arms and he could see the unshed tears in her eyes, and Pearce wondered what she felt. Did she sense the longing that he felt? Did she too imagine what it would be like to finally be married? Or did she just think it was a sweet gesture? Pearce squashed his self doubt away as he told himself that Col appreciated it for what it was - that this meant that they would have their forever some day. Pearce cupped Colās face and kissed her, but he couldnāt stop the smile that carved itself permanently onto his face. He felt like the luckiest man alive ā and he knew that that was a permanent feeling when with Col. With his arms around Col and the promise held between them, Pearce kissed Col once more. āI love you so much, you know that right?ā he asked, already knowing what her answer would be.
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