eccentric mundanes

complicated ambivert

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I miss this space.

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Online check?

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Thank You, Lord for another year! 🫶🏻

Thankful for Your provision and I’m praying for the courage to take a huge leap in my aspirations this year.

All praise belongs to You. 🙏🏼

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May we all have a Merry Christmas and may the Lord grant all that our hearts desire! 🎄

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It’s been a while since I had our home all to myself and I only get alone time seldomly in a year as I want to go out as much for me not to make my mind wander and be melancholic again.

Lolo and the Kid really tugged my heart as I am family-oriented. JK Labajo was really good and he has range! Already applauded his performance in Senior High as the cool kid but this was a different take from him.

It also reminded me of my dream to be an actor as it’s a heavy drama while I found myself weeping and wiping off my tears. I just told my ex, I wanted to be a theatre actor which is true but I never told anyone that I really wanted to be an onscreen actor as my confident is shot. I’m thinking it’s already too late maybe bc I just entered my 30s but still prolly a lil bit hopeful as they say, we have different timelines.

Under Parallel Skies delivered a different kind of pain. The good moments and the giggles from those little and mundane things you shared with your loved ones are the same fuel to keep you going and the same fire that will consume you.

This is prolly Janella’s most kanal role and I love it as she really fully embraced the Filipino accent even ‘tho she has a western one when talking in English. Metawin was surprisingly good especially when they goofed out. It seems like he understood Filipino humor and is acting like one too.

The lines that struck me the most were:

“Good things never last.”

— it’s true. It’s hard to own happiness when you know the world is gonna snatch it from you, and replace it with misery.

"Good things may come to an end, but new good things will arise from endings.”

— and this rings true as well. I’ve had many doors opened for me when I broke up with someone last year. It’s like a rebirth of my self — it was liberating.

“24 hours. 23 hours of day and night. 30 minutes of sunrise and 30 minutes of sunset. But sunrise and sunset are the most beautiful time of the day.”

“Sometimes these little transitions, these little changes may only be a small fraction in your life. But these little fractions can define the meaning of life.”

— i never wept like this for a long time. It’s true that it only takes so little to turn your world upside down. And what’s scary is that little time you pivot, can set the tone for your entire life.

I’ve been nursing this loneliness for 12 years now. I don’t know how to get out of it because I always succumb to it. But I am hopeful that one day, I will be happy.

That for once, i’ll choose to be happy.

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Hello, Tumblr!

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A start of a new era. 🎂 All I want is to be more carefree and consistently happy. 🙏

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This year broke me down in ways I cannot imagine.

I got out of a toxic and emotionally draining relationship and as a giver in the relationship, it hurts more that your efforts are for a naught. I may get over the person for months or even a year or years but the wound would be something I’d probably carry for the rest of my life.

I also cut off friends because of trust issues and I'd like to keep it that way. I normally have a strong exterior but those few who really know me know how much I care for the people I love that I would be willing to go for lengths just for them.

I spent the latter half of the year, focusing on my self. I didn’t realize how much time I lost for myself because I was too busy taking care of others. I appreciate the time I have all to myself just now.

And I swear to myself, that all those lost years — I’m gonna bring back and devote to myself alone for the next year and I will start being selfish again and rebuild my walls up.

I can’t wait for this year to end and start anew. I hope the Lord grants us peace, contentment and happiness in the coming years.

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I’m drowning in sadness.

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I’m back here again. And I think I’ll be writing more often. Simply because I am sad. Well, I think sad is an understatement.

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29 on the 29th. Thank You, Lord for another year! 🙏

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Cheers to new beginning!

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Thank you, 2022!

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Had an 11-day adventure to Dubai and Egypt last October. Follow me on Tiktok and click on the “Travels” tab to see more deets about our trip! ❤️

http://tiktok.com/@rianrucio

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I’m not getting the same energy. It’s hard when you do a pulse check with your joint heartbeat with the one you love. Yours throb so hard and his/hers faints. You can feel it even if supposedly, you’re attached to the hip. And if his/her pulse dies, so is yours.

Sometimes, I ask, why can’t we be the same person we were before entering a commitment? Why parts of us shared to lovers can’t seem to go back to normal, back when your love is not yet awakened? Sometimes, I wonder, if I’m getting my parts back or if we interchanged it or if we get it in mixture, albeit having ours meshed with it, why is it unfamiliar anymore?

Sometimes, you hold your candelit love in the palm of your hands — all with a firm grip but you can also feel it can slip away in any moment. You let it shine and guide your pathway, but sometimes, you touch it too hard, entrusting it’s not gonna consume you. But fire is passionate that it consumes anything it holds.

We should be the ones controlling the flame, together. My fire didn’t seem to ignite your love for me.

And your fire, with its icy burn —

Consumed me.

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I’m spiraling.

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Always remember that even if you have a complete family, a partner or a best friend, only you can understand what you’re going through and it is tough to accept the fact that you only have yourself to console and comfort the feelings you will never be pacified of. It’s exhausting and you’d just let it be part of you.