days when you see up through a tube
altered perception dust on a screen is some layered petal
prim raunchy vulgar i walk in meat
grim roses echoes of shadowy gothic sometimes
im an echo of what i thought could be
you see the shadow beyond her like bone fragments of a spiderweb
it walked from silk, big and bumbling when unwrapped from thread
silver like an avocaado, confused like marshmallows in a plastic bag
i eat through a tube and have a difficult time with that
words that hash sentences and emotional reactions
in the way they bend cusps of meaning
brand a cusp for forgotten time
and the only thing there ever was and could never be put in a box
when utopias unquiet
when that unquiet seeps because it shed a rainbow in its own solemn face
something gay weaving in concrete
talk about things like theyre opposed to other cups of meaning
when i was nothing but pasta in the eyes.
i tried to be silky but poison creeps out of me now
words are actual spaghetti on my tongue and you cant build trust from a vacuum or on good vibes alone
i have trouble creating structure in my words for self care to inhabit
i have trouble building houses through the possibility of vulnerability
vague feathers fall around and theyre soft yet i cant say what i want
my solemn tongue sits burning and i cant say
and more time passes and it gets worse like venom i need to spit now it rots
and im a skeleton of curses, or a woven mat for a single orb with legs
its a spider and she feels some way
she wont say
itd be too specific
to place a box around meaning could mean
to tie down any concrete
notion
and when we writhe in the sea
any unreal thing can take form
i was a mermaid and now i sit in the cusp
androgynous ambidextrous polyphonic simplicity
i would like to drink milk and see the sun rise
roses are too complex to ask me what i want
i inherit a meme of silver chokers
and am shocked when the lump emerges to be an egg
cause beyond the sky are cracked layers of earth
doing nothing but holding space for minute forms of life
life that spreads in mats
liffe that fruits when the soil chemistry changes
concrete yet responsive
i dont know what i am
something like this perhaps
i think of myself as a mat when its hard to articulate needs
i would be a mat and a good mat
but being a mat is one of those things
that strong people say
mats are codependent and have low self esteem
like me
i have bad self esteem
and try to be codependent but block myself from talking
i wish i would meet someone who gets it
i wish i could put words together
i wish i wasnt so scared
i wish i wasnt scared id just get shot down & laughed at
so i sit in the cold again still always itd feel like
out where there are tubes
tunnels
land forms
existing life
plants
low beings
and i feel flat
