Chef Penny @pennykitchen-blog - Tumblr Blog

Banana Pop

You know what I like? I like variety, dammit. You can do whatever you want to this banana. Dip it, roll it, wrap it, drizzle it, eat it, share it, stick it, freeze it, use it, lose it, toss it, take it, love it, own it, work it, halve it, shove it, bite it, save it for later- although you won't wanna, because this is everything you've ever wanted. This is a half 'naner with chocolate, coconut, cinnamon, walnuts, macadamia nuts, course sea salt and brown sugar. It'll make you walk funny, guaranteed.

Serves 1: if you're fat. 4, if you're lame and only eat one serving.

4 wooden skewers

2 bananas

Toppings!

* melted chocolate is always a good start, it acts as an adhesive for the rest of the shit you pile on .... ideas:

choc

white choc

caramel

course sea salt

course sugar

brown sugar

coconut

nuts

tiny choc chips

expresso powder

cinnamon

cayenne( if you're into that sorta thing)

dried fruits

lemon/orage zest

lavender/dried rose petals( whot tha fock! i know= fancy pants)

1. Lay out toppings of choice in separate dishes. Melt chocolate in double boiler, halve your 'nana, stick it with a skewer, dip in melted choc and go for it!

2. Lay decorated 'nanas on parchment line sheet pan, and stick it in the fridge ( or freezer) for ten minutes.

NOTES:

* if you would like to layer, already decorated pop, with more chocolate drizzles, remove from fridge, or freezer, once hardened and drizzle more warmed chocolate and put back in fridge. It's purdy when you do it like that.

* easy on the things like cinnamon- just a pinch will do it for ya.

#vegetarian #good for a crowd #dessert

Cauliflower Gruyere Pie

Boo! sorry, it's been a while...

I served this at a dinner party a while ago, and then again at another dinner party, aaand then again at the Penny. It sucks ( when you aren't putting this in your face.) This savory tart pairs really well with 6 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of champagne, a quart of gin, sambuca, a shot of damiana liquor, and a joint...i'm just sayin'. i mean guessin.'

Note: You need the ring of a springform pan to accomplish this freestanding ( boner of a ) crust.

guest boners.

boner.

next morning boner.

Serves a family, alternative or no...

for savory crust:

1 1/4 cups apf, plus more for rolling( on E)

1/2 t sea salt

1/2 t sugar

pinch o' nutmeg

pinch o' cayenne

3/4 stick of butter, very cold and cubed.

2 T olive oil

some ice water

1. In a food processor add dry ingredients, and butter, while 'pulsing' add in ice water about a T at a time until texture becomes like wet sand. Don't over pulse this shit.

2. Lay out plastic wrap, dump out the dough and lightly form a disk, cover tightly with plastic wrap and put your disk o' dough in the fridge for about half an hour.

For filling:

1 head of cauliflower

2 yellow onions

olive oil

1 box of cream cheese, room temperature.

1/4 c heavy cream, room temperature.

2 eggs, room temperature.

2 T grated parmesan

about 1/2 cup grated gruyere cheese, plus more for topping.

1 t of hot sauce

1 t sea salt

pinch o' nutmeg

several grinds of white pepper

2 T dijon mustard

some melted butter

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Roughly chop cauliflower into bite size and coat lightly with olive oil and a bit of sea salt. Roast in oven until golden, about 20 minutes. Set aside.

3. Slice onions and sautee over low heat with a drizzle of olive oil and a bit of salt. Let carmelize. Do not agitate too often, let the color build to a deep caramel color. This should take about half hour. Set aside.

4. In a bowl, whisk together room temp cream cheese, cream, eggs, parm, gruyere, hot sauce, salt, nutmeg and pep. Set aside.

5. Place springform ring on parchment lined sheet pan. Take dough from fridge, unwrap and roll out in a circle-ish shape on floured surface, keep sprinkling flour over dough to prevent sticking, about 1/4" thick. Lay crust into springform ring.

6. Time to fill- spread mustard, add onions.

7. Mix roasted cauliflower in the with the cream cheese mixture. Pour in crust and fold over edges to form your rustic savory pie. Brush melted butter over crust and bake for 40 minutes, or until filling is slightly set and crust is golden. Sprinkle with more gruyere and bake another 5 minutes.

8. Remove from oven, let cool about 10 minutes, remove ring and serve. - I also like to top with some greens,- arugula dresses with a little lemon juice.

#Cauliflower Gruyere Pie #Vegetarian Entree #Good for a crowd

Shoyu Honey and Sesame Cucumber Salad

Cucumber salad is a little summery for this time of year, but this will be the final hurrah....I just can't let the warmth go yet....I want summer vegetables still....I wanna do it one more time.....with you.....please....I won't ever bother you again if we can just have one last night together.... what's that you say? --oh sure, sure! yeah, totally, yeah, I will invite a friend...what? - oh, you mean the british one, with the killer rack that dresses up as a different version of Brittany Spears every halloween?- yeah, yes, I'll get her on board. - no bald caps, okay, yeah, got it. Thank you for letting me have ya one more time before it gets cold out there. G'bye summer...and it's not that you were the best I've had, but it was just so damn HOT.

This goodbye summer dish is simple. Unlike you. I bet you're complex...and british. call me.

...Bc I know a lot of chicks that don't hate that...

Serves 4-6

2-3 medium sized cucs.

1/2 small red onion, sliced thinly.

1/2 orange, squeezed for juice.

3 T shoyu

1 T honey

1 T sesame oil

1 t mirin

1 T sesame seeds, white and/or black.

sea salt.

1. Roughly chop cucs, sprinkle with about 1 t salt and let water drain. You can do this in a colander in the sink, or if you would like the slice the cucs thinly( a more traditional cucumber salad) you can lay them on a sheet pan, cover with parchment and set another sheet stray on top for weight. Let sit, salted, for thirty minutes or so, squeeze excess water. Place cucs and onion in a large bowl.

2. Mix the liquid ingredients together, coat the cucumbers and onions thoroughly, taste test, adjust seasoning if you wish, add sesame seeds, plate and serve a bitch.

* for a vegan, use maple syrup or agave to replace the honey

* for a gf type, make sure that the shoyu is gluten free

#vegan option #gluten free option #good for a crowd

Walnut and Tarragon Stuffed Mushrooms

Ever wake up with your shoes on, mystery bruises, someone else's cell phone in your bra or with one foot in the pizza? - You MUST be fun! You deserve to know how to make these!

I stuff little guys( whhhaaaaat?) for dinner parties, ORRR you can stuff and serve an entire portobello as a vegetarian entree. Or just stuff whatever you want- with permission of course.

Try shrooms. these ones.

Serves 4:

4 large portobellos

1 shallot, minced.

1 pint of baby bellos, with stems, roughly chopped

1/4 cup of mayo

1/2 cup parmesan, grated or whatever you want.

1/2 cup of bread crumb

1/2 cup walnuts

small bunch of tarragon, roughly chopped.

olive oil

sea salt

1. Preheat oven to 350. Clean and stem portobellos, chop stems and add to the baby bellos. On parchment lined tray line up shrooms, cappy side up, coat with olive oil and pinch of sea salt, roast for 10 minutes.

2. Stove top, in large heavy bottomed skillet, over medium heat, add a drizzle of olive oil and your shallots, saute for a few minutes and add your chopped shrooms, adding more oil if needed. Saute for 10 minutes, remove from heat and add the rest of the ingredients, mix, season to taste.

3. Fill your large portobellos with plenty of filling. Throw 'em back in the oven and bake for 10 more minutes. Top with extra parm and tarragon if you so desire.

* Make this GF with GF breadcrumbs

#Vegetarian Entree #gluten free options

Really Slutty Icebox Cake

If there is a reason you are not, or can not, have sex- then you can make this, and eat this, and you will be ok... but easy does it my friends, this cake is but a makeshift dam for the flood that is your desire to bang bang bang. Use in a state of emergency- Like Perfume. When you are out of vodka.

I wiki'd icebox cake so, here: The back-of-the-box recipe on Nabisco Famous Chocolate Wafers indicates that the wafers are stacked to form a log with whipped cream cementing them together, and then the log is laid on its side. A second log is formed and the two are set side-by-side and more whipped cream covers the exterior. The cake is then left overnight in the refrigerator (or "icebox"). The wafers absorb moisture from the whipped cream and the whole can be served in slices. The dessert is usually served by cutting it into slices at a 45-degree angle, so bands of chocolate and cream are visible across each slice. The traditional wafers are the Nabisco Famous Chocolate Wafers, but they can be hard to find so other cookies are often substituted......WHICH I DID! I USED OREOS AND GRAHAM CRACKERS MOTHER FUCKERS!! I KNOW! DO ME! WOOO! - This is partially what makes this icebox cake sluttier than your grandma(s' version of the icebox cake.) This is the done up, best tranny on your block, of icebox cakes-all the bells and whistles; the heels, the lipstick, the jewels, the extra long hair extentions, the falsies, and the falsies, even a mother fucking toe ring. UH, YEAH, WHAT.

Here are my insides....

Serves like 10 or something.

2 pints heavy cream

1 tsp of vanilla

2 T maple syrup

2 T cup confectioner's sugar

1 pinch of salt

1. Using a hand, or standing, mixer, whip the cream until very soft peak begins to form, add the rest of the ingredients and whip until firm peak forms, set aside.

3 pints of berries, same or different, WHATEVER. ( slice if necessary.)

1 package of oreos

1 package of graham crackers

1. On a large plate, spread a thick layer of whip, then top with grahams and more whip and berries. The idea is to make sure that the grahams are touching some whip so they will get soft as the cake chills.

2. Continue by adding more whip to the berries, adding a layer of oreos, more whip, berries etc. ( you can add chocolate sauce to each layer as well....if you never want to have sex again...)

3. Stack it high and cover the outside with the remaining whip. You can tidy up the edges and top of the cake by making it even and smooth with an off set spatula/

4. Decorate and put in the fridge for at least three hours. Then you can eat it with your face.

my berries.

i'm hot for berries.

#dessert #Good for a crowd

Sweet Cream Cheese, Berry and Sorrel Pastry

I went home with this on the first date.

-And we are still together.

Serves 8-10

1 puff pastry sheet

1 container cream cheese

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup confectioners sugar

1 t vanilla extract

1 cup mixed berries

tiny bunch of sorrel

1/2 t vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Roll out thawed pastry on parchment lined sheet pan and bake until very golden and puffed, about 15 minutes. -If under baked than it will deflate( nooooo. never good...;)

2. Mix together cream cheese, honey, sugar and vanilla.

3. Once pastry has cooled than spread cheese mixture and top with berries and sorrel, serve.

Sorrel looks like hearts!

#dessert #Good for a crowd

Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding with STUFF

I am a freak for bread pudding. My legs are behind my head just thinking about it.

What constitutes someone as a legit freak are the accessories they obtain, right?- RIGHT. You can say you are a freak all you want but you show me the whip and gag then I actually believe you...and run...faster.... toward you. Sike. Well, maybe....I don't know yet. Aaaaanyways, the more accoutrements, the freakier, yeah? So the additions to this, already DOM of a bread pudding recipe, really puts it on the map. The map showing you the way to freaky town. Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding should be served with fresh whip, pisatchio ice cream, blueberries and some napkins- to wipe off your seat. Possibly a cigarette, and a nice robe.

Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding: serve 6

3/4 c chocoalte chips, or whatever, chocolate bars etc. I like using milk and dark together.

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup heavy cream

1 T butter, plus more for coating the pan.

1 t vanilla extract

1 t almond extract, optional.

1 pinch sea salt

2 eggs

4 cups of cubed croissant

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

2. In double boiler, or in a large, heat safe bowl over a pot of simmering water, place chips, sugar and heavy cream in- let warm up, the ships with get a little shiny looking and melty, then you may stir. Remove from heat before all is melted, the residual heat and stirring will help melt the chocolate the rest of the way.

3. Add your extracts and a tiny pinch of salt and stir.

4. Crack eggs in a separate bowl, working quickly, whisk a bit of warm chocolate in to temper the eggs, then add it all back into the chocolate and stir until incorporated.

5. Place your croissant cubes in a big ass bowl. Dump all that amazing chocolate over your body. I mean the bread cubes.

6. Mix together with your hands, because it is great!

7. Pour mixture into butters dish and bake for 45 minutes.

Serve with, whip, bluebs', and pistach. ice cream.

#dessert #Good for a crowd

Buddha Bowl

The reason why fetishes are bizarre is three fold-

1. What the hell is wrong with you, that shit is crazy, 2. Sometimes you make ME feel crazy too bc I sort of get it, 3. The most bat shit, wacko, fetish hounds are nearly undetectable at first glance- you don’t know who’s into what!

So, fetishes- The spectrum is wide, and the variety unmatched. People can get into anything and everything. Blows my mind. -And different things do it for different people. Not one fetish suits all.

If you have multiple fetishes, or "interests," introduce one at a time, don’t hit’ em with crazy all at once. You don’t wanna scare people. Ya gotta ease ‘em into your fetish game. I guess I don’t really mind most of the non- threatening ones either. ( I would say, "NEVER!"- but hey, don’t be an asshole, give it a shot, right?!) As a dater myself, I encourage most to stick to fairly generic first moves, as well as pretty tame conversation on the first couple outings - Like, if we walk by a feather on the ground, try not to call it a “tickle stick.” -Or maybe share your interest in bellybuttons a couple dates in... give it time is all.

Now, there are a few exceptions, without really getting into it too much, this Buddha Bowl includes every fetish I have, and I am gonna give it to ya all at once …. Don’t think about that too hard, just hang from that meat hook and go with it.

Buddha Bowl: serves 6

2 cups of white basmati rice

4 cups of vegetable stock, or chicken stock if you ain't a vegetarian.

olive oil

sea salt

1. In a heavy bottomed pot, over medium heat, drizzle in about a tablespoon of olive oil, add your rice and 'toast'- meaning, saute until the dried rice begins to smell nutty and toasty. Takes about 4-5 minutes.

2. Add stock and pinch of salt and bring to a boil and immediatley down to a simmer. Keep covered and let cook for 30 minutes. When little steam holes form, remove pot from heat and let sit, covered, for another 10-15 minutes.

Veggies/beans/ meat/nuts/spices:

You can use whatever vegetables, beans or meats that you want! Everything goes! In this version, I used:

Pinto beans

Black beans

yellow onion

red pepper

yellow pepper

tempeh

cilantro

scallions

pine nuts

chinese 5 spice

BUT- I encourage your to branch out and really go cray- cray! ... parsnips, lamb, roasted cherry tomatoes, shitakes, sage, ginger, garlic cloves, walnuts, black eyed peas, garam masala you name it - throw it all in.

For two cups of rice, I would add 1 cup of beans, 1 and 1/2 cup of veg. and 1/2 cup nuts, 1 cup of meat (optional, doy)

1. Chop veggies into like sizes, saute in heavy bottomed skillet, saute over medium high heat for 5 minutes, add a big pinch of salt and chinese 5 spice. Add beans and fresh herbs last.

2. Take your rice and fluff, you may drizzle with more oil while fluffing if you'd like, add your veg mix and season to taste. Top with extra fresh herbs if ya got 'em.

#vegetarian #Good for a crowd #gluten free #vegan

Strawberry & Spiced Shortcakes with Honey Whip

If I knew this was roofied, I'd still eat it.

-and hope it would call the next day.

Biscuits: makes about a dozen

1 cup apf

1/2 T baking powder

1 tsp sugar

1/2 t salt

1 pinch of each: ground cinnamon, ginger, chinese 5 spice.

4 T butter, chilled, cubed.

1/4 + 2 T chilled heavy cream

2 T melted butter, set aside.

mix together and set aside.

1 tsp sugar

1 tsp brown sugar

pinch of salt

pinch of cinnamon

preheat oven to 350 degrees

1. In a big ol' bowl mix together flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. Cut butter into mixture until it begins to looks like cornmeal.

2. Make a well in the center of this mixture and add the chilled cream slowly, knead the dough with your fingers until just incorporated.

3. On floured surface roll out dough to desired thickness( I'd go with an inch- in THIS situation,) and with a floured biscuit cutter( or a floured rim of a glass,) cut out biscuits and line them on a parchment lined sheet pan.

4. Give each biscuit a little dent in the center with your thumb, brush on melted butter and sprinkle cinna-sug-salty mixture.

5. Bake for 10-12 minutes, until golden brown.

Strawbs:

2 pints of strawbs

1 T lemon juice

1 T sugar or maple syrup

1 t balsamic vinegar

1 t vanilla or almond extract

1. Stem and slice ( or don"t ) strawberries and place them in a bowl, add the rest of the ingredients and toss together.

set aside.

Honey Whip:

1 pint heavy cream

2 T honey

1. With hand held or standing mixer, whip heavy cream until soft peak forms, add honey and continue to whip until stiff peak forms.

Chill until ready to use and abuse.

*Assemble! Split your biscuits and top with strawberries and whip, than give it back it's hat. i love you.

#Dessert #Good for a crowd

"Vegetarian Dinner"

(Cabbage patch Dad's worst nightmare.)

Workin' on a cookbook, ya into it?

Photo by Amelia Hayashi Michaud

Broccoli Salad

Have you ever made the “list?"

Meaning.... the list of attributes your ideal/perfect significant other holds; your soul mate. The one who is supposedly out there and just like, existing, while you dick around doing whatever it is you are doing now-and then one day, when the time is right, or whatever, they reveal themselves to you...- C'mon, you’ve made a list, or at least thought about it...

Well, fellow 7th grade attendees of that sleepover in 1997, my house (the blue one in Amissville, VA) when we started the “list,” yall got snowed in and we paper mache'd our boobs, drank that bottle of grand marnier (who knew that shit tasted so good,) flushed Gretchen’s head in the toilet, smoked ciggs without inhaling, memorized all the words to "Spider Web" by No Doubt, egged that girls house, dressed incognito and chased the cows on a four wheeler, threw up Peach Shnapps while running in that field, borrowed the car and ran it into the ditch, broke my ankle playing cops and robbers (also in a ditch,) played dream phone, peed in a cup, put it in the freezer, roller skated in the house, skinny dipped in the neighbors pool…- so that’s more than just the one sleepover, sure, but the constant of all the sleepovers throughout the years is the “list,” that, and Alanis Morisette's album, " Jagged Little Pill."

The list has evolved of course, tastes change as you grow up, priorities shift, but I gotta say, this dish has come pretty close to EVERTHING I WANT in another, um, item. Proceed....

The LIST ( the original)

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Jonathan Brandis (4/13/76-11/12/03, long live the Ladybugs)

Devon Sawa ( can’t remember who that is.)

Mike Vitar ( from the Sandlot. Oh, it’s still on.)

The LIST ( current)

Versatile

Awesome one on one

Great with crowds

Easy

Spicy

Satisfying

Complex

Colorful

Good for you

Can and will grow a beard (Ideally. I'll have to work on this recipe…)

Serves 6-8:

4 heads of broccoli

3-4 small red radish, grated.

1 carrot, grated.

1 red onion, finely chopped.

1 lemon, juiced.

1/4 cup lemonaise, or mayo.( Use vegan substituted if you are vegan!)

1/2 cup crushed almonds or walnuts

1/4 cup of dried currants, raisins or cranberries.

2 T dijon

1 T sriracha

2 t honey or maple syrup

1 T nama shoyu, or soy sauce. ( Use gluten free if you gluten free!)

1/2 t cumino

sea salt

fresh cracked pepper

olive oil

1. Break down broccoli florets and stems into manageable pieces to pulse in your food processor. Do not over process, you want texture, not mush.

2. In a large bowl add the rest of the ingredients, taste and season, drizzling olive oil while you stir to evenly coat all your items as you go. Serve chilled or room temperature. Or just marry it, that's what I'm gonna do.

#Good for a crowd #side dish #gluten free #vegetarian #vegetarian side dish

Chocolate Covered Cherries

This is easy. Just like you. And just like me.

Warn the ones you love about the pits.

One bag of bing or rainier cherries

1 bag of dark chocolate.

In a double boiler, or in a glass bowl over a pot of shallow, simmering water, melt your chocolate.

Dip each cherry in the goodness and settle on a parchment lined tray. Let chill in the fridge for several minutes. Serve. Freak out.

Tips:

For the rainier ( the yellow and bright red variety) try white chocolate. Yowza, you be fancy!

#Dessert #Gluten Free #Good for a crowd

Summer Slaw

I'm not naked, but this cabbage just about is! Yesterday I walked by two ol' ladies eating steak and mashed potatoes outside for lunch- which is crazy bc it is hot as balls out there. I can not think of anything I would have wanted less in that exact moment- except for maybe sitting in a hot tub while eating steak and mashed potatoes... with those two ol' ladies... topless... them. Sure, I could def pound some steak and mashy tatoes all damn day, usually, but this must have been temporary insanity -due to heat stroke ladies, HEAT stroke!! Also, I am NOT a fan of Sunbrellas on 5th ave during lunch hour, who started this being ok in public aside from when you are in a musical?

Cabbage is all seasonal n' shit right now. This is a lightly dressed, as opposed to mayo drenched, slaw with a vinegar and mustard based sauce, good for scorching weather - and is great with any grilled item or on a BBQ sammie...

"There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man."

Serves 6:

1 small head of green cabbage

1 small head of red cabbage

3 T red wine vinegar

1 T whole grain mustard

1 T shoyu, or soy sauce

1 T maple syrup or honey

1 t sriracha, or whatever hot sauce ya likey

1 T sesame seeds, mixed white and black, or one or the other, WHAT HAVE YOU!

olive oil

sea salt

freshly ground black or white pepper.

1. Slice cabbage into 'ribbons', removing and discarding the thicker parts of the spine as necessary. Put in very large bowl/

2. Mix the rest of the ingredients together in a small bowl, accept the seeds, oil, salt and pepper. Whisk together and stream in olive oil as you whisk, about a 4 count, use your judgment. Dress the slaw with this mixture, taste and season. Do not be scared of salt! Add seeds. Dunzo!

#Summer Slaw #Side Dish #Vegetarian #Vegan #Gluten Free #Good for a Crowd #Cabbage

Maple Bacon Apple Pie a la Virginia!

Sponge, Dishwalla, The Offspring, Soundgarden ticket giveaway, driving, hiking, my brother's girlfriend still buys CDs, you got it, I was in VA this weekend to visit the whole fam damily. I loooooooove Virgina ( whoop, hold up, back it up, read it again...yesssssss!) My bro turned 28 on Saturday and my prezzie to him was to cook for a party at my dad's cottage. Get ready ya'll. That pie's got bacon in it! Keep your pants on hipsters, and your moustaches trimmed, and your girlfriends with boyish figures, and your music. You can keep all of your music. Me likey da 90s, which is probably your kryptonite. You know you want it, but it will kill the hipster in you, I understand. Here, have some pie. IT HAS BACON IN IT!

My Bro and OUR girlfriend. Yes. I know it's strange. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

Bacon Maple Apple Pie: serves all of you.

Crust:

1/2 package of bacon.

1. Rough chop bacon and crisp up in a large heavy bottomed skillet, reserve the rendered fat in small glass container and place in fridge until solid. You want 2 or more tablespoons worth, you will be cutting this into the crust along with the butter. Reserve the bacon itself as well, set it aside until you get to the filling. Also, reserve the pan, do not wash, you will be cooking the apples in the residual fat.

1 1/2 cups All Purpose Flour, plus more for dusting.

1 t sugar

1 pinch cinnamon

1 pinch sea salt

1 stick of butter, cubed and very cold

the chilled bacon fat.

1/3 cup ice water, you won’t use it all…

1 egg beaten, set aside.

**Double this recipe up, one for bottom crust, and one for top crust. Wrap and chill them separately.

1.Preheat oven to 375 degrees

2. For crust, place dry ingredients in to a food processor and dot with butter and little scoops of the fat, pulse while streaming in ice water one tablespoon at a time. Dough is done when it looks like wet sand and slightly pulls aways from the sides. Wrap tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Leave the egg wash, set aside.

While the crust is chilling do the Filling!: womp womp!

7-8 apples, I like a combo of granny smith and pink ladies

juice of one lemon, ( my bro is allergic to citrus, so 1t of apple cider vinegar will suffice.)

1/2 cup maple syrup

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 pinch each of: salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves.

small handful of the crisped bacon, crumbled.

1 T flour, 1 T sugar and big pinch of cinnamon, mixed together set aside.

1. Peel, core and slice apples. Place is large bowl and squeeze lemon juice over it, so they will not oxidize. Add the rest of the ingredients and coat well. Add filling to the same heavy bottomed skillet that you prepared the bacon in, add the crisped bacon crumbles and saute for a few minutes, just enough to get them warm, you want them to have a little bit of a crunch left after baking but this gets the process goin'

2. Roll out one crust and lay in pie pan, trim edges and dock the crust, meaning make little holes all over with the prongs of a fork so it doesn't bubble. Bake off until just firm and color begins to change, about 10-12 minutes. Let cool and sprinkle flour, cinnamon and sugar mixture over the bottom, this will absorb the extra liquid from your filling. Add filling.

3. Roll out second crust and lay over the filling, trim and crimp edges as you would like. Brush with the egg wash and make a few slits in the top with a sharp knife.

Pre egg wash and slits.

After! And ready for the oven. About 40 minutes. If the pie starts to brown more rapidly in some areas , use foil to trouble shoot, shape over sections that are gettin' too gold too fast. ** I made some Jamison Whipped cream- experiment with what YOUR family might want to get drunk with! Today!

My birth mother. Thanks for taking pics and reading this far down mom. You are the cat's meow!

More!

Lettuce Wrap dinner Chez Tyler and Sarah's new place- the recipe is on this here bloggy, look it up nutbars!

Hey 6:30 am. We played baseball with cardboard piping, wiffle balls and left handed baseball mitts. It just feels right.

Mary's Rock.

Where you sit when you wait for pie to bake.

FRANK! FRANK! the best feline in the nation belongs to Sccchara- he has kitty aids. Really. He can't go outside.

WHOT THA FOOOOCK!

#Bacon Maple Apple Pie #Virginia #Pie #Dessert

Farm Porn Part(y) deux!

Dinner time! After a day of feeding sheep, gathering eggs from the hens, picking berries, making friends with baby goats, rolling in lavender bushes, and riding unicorns made of glitter, it was time to eat again! Mixed herb pesto pasta, salad and green apple dressing, honey-bacon kale, and clams with dill and onion flowers. I'm pretty sure this is what Neytiri and Jake Sully ate after they finished "hugging" before Eywa in Avatar.

Get on this...or like, plug it in, like the Na'vi.

Oel ngati kameie.

Mixed Herb Pesto Pasta: serves 4-6

Parsley

Dill

Basil

Sorrel

Cilantro

Mint

WHATEVER! tarragon, lemon balm, chervil etc. spinach too!- you want to fill your standard food processor up about 1/3 of the way, loosely packed. I know, this is VERY specific.

3 cloves of garlic.

1/2 cup pine nuts. I also loooove using pecans or walnuts.

2 t maple syrup or honey.

juice of half a lemon.

1/2 cup olive oil

1/4 cup parmesan

big ol' pinch sea salt

freshly ground black pepper

1. Fill that food processor with a variety of herbs and add all of the ingredients except for the olive oil and parmesan.

2. Process ingredients while streaming in oil. You may adjust the amount of oil you use if you would like your pesto thinner or thicker.

3. Add parm. last or stir in my hand.

4. Taste and adjust seasoning. Serve over pasta, on a crostini, with eggs, or simply, from the palm of one's hand- it's always good.

pretty greens!

Next! The Salad dressing!

Green Apple Dressing: yields about 1/2 cup

Half of a green apple, roughly chopped.

Juice of one juicy lime. So maybe two.

splash of red wine vinegar

2 sprigs of cilantro, with stems.

1/2 t honey

1/4 cup olive oil.

chili flake.

Big pinch sea salt

Freshly ground black pepper.

1. Add all ingredients to blender, stream in olive oil as you blend. Season to taste. You may sub a jalapeno for the chili flake if you have it on hand...

Nexto...

Kale with Bacon: serves 4

5 strips of bacon, roughly chopped.

Two large bunches of the most fresh kale in the WORLD. Or, whatever is convenient for you. I like to take the spine out, roll up the leaves and slice thinly into ribbons.

1 t maple syrup

1 t dijon mustard

sea salt

1. In a large skillet, over medium-high heat, cooke back until crisp, remove from pan and leave the fat.

2. Add in your kale and saute until tender, if it is fresh it will take 30 seconds! If it is not, give it a couple minutes.

3. Add in honey and mustard.

4. Add bacon and season to taste. Serve!

The happiest clams out there....other than mine. (wonk!)

Happy Clams: serves 4

olive oil

2 T butter

1 t bacon fat( optional)

1 small onion, diced.

2 cloves garlic, minced.

1/3 cup white wine, delicious.

1 cup stock, whatever, chicken or veg. would be good.

1 t dijon mustard

juice of half lemon.

2 lb clams ( that's a lotta ladies- Wonk again!!)

big handful of fresh dill, roughly chopped

Sea salt

Pepper

* add whatever other veggies you want in the saute in the beginning, red peppers, celery, fennel etc.

1. In a pot or deep dish skillet, heat two counts of olive oil, butter and bacon fat, if ya choosed it, over medium high heat, saute onions, garlic and a pinch of salt until fragrant and a little bit browned.

2. Add wine and let reduce by half. Add stock, let simmer for 10 minutes. Taste, season.

3. Add clams, and cover with lid. Reduce heat to medium and let the clams steam open, 7-10 minutes.

4. Remove lid and stir up a bit, if they are all open than you are ready to add your fresh dill and pepper. Serve!

Now for the onion flowers!- if you find these wonders, you can batter and deep fry them or just coat with a little bit of olive oil and a pinch of salt and roast for a few minutes. The have a really delicate broccoli sort of essence about them, they remind me of what perhaps a deep french kiss from jesus would taste like. Probably pretty great, right? RIGHT?!

It was a great trip- Thank you Hart! Until next time....

AAAAAAAnd, I love your CAT! Gimme!

#Gluten Free Options #Green Apple Dressing #Happy Clams #Hart's Farm #Mixed Herb Pesto Pasta #Vegetarian Options #Honey Bacon Kale

XXXtra! Farm Porn. Part UNO!

YALL READY FOR THIS? DUH NUH NUH...!

SOOOOO, I went to visit our FOOD last weekend! Usually the produce and such comes to US at the Penny but I actually got to go visit where all this shitty food comes from! ( THAT'S A JOKE, A JOKE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!) Hart Perry is the provider of Penington's seasonal veg/egg/animal protein . Get ready for some overwhelmingly stoopid awesome picture taking on my part, and some recipes a la Chef Penny, off sight in the sticks, fairly to moderately drunk for most of the time,( OFF OF FRESH FREAKING AIR!) booyeah grandma. PS, I wrangled that chicken! Then she gave me her eggs to make me stop.

This is one of the lunch items I made from ingredients from the farm (and from my host's fridge...)

This is my friend Mal, the purdiest damn farmgurl you'd ever dun meet. Fresh sweet peas, three kinds of lettuce, herbs and eggs.

ME, You and everyone we know.

Farm man boys, hubba hubba and hubba.

I "HART" FRITATTAS! : serves 4-6

9 ( FARMFREAKINGFRESH) eggs

1/4 cup sour cream

3 small summer onions, roughly chopped.

handful of mixed herbs, collectively, basil, sorrel, cilantro, dill, parsley, sage, roughly chopped.

5 slices of fresh mozzarella

sea salt and lots of fresh black pepper

olive oil

scallions for garnish.

and some fucking love man, put some LOVE in this shit!

1. Heat skillet and drizzle in some olive oil, carmelize your onions, add a pinch of salt.

2. Mix together eggs, sour, pig pinch o' salt, pepper and herbs. Pour mixture over onions and cover with lid. Keep flame low. Keep fritatta covers for about 10 minutes.