I decided I’m leaving the fandom entirely across all platforms because I am exhausted of being misunderstood, attacked, accused, and getting my feelings hurt by children, and maybe I am too grown to like this BS, even though it was never in my control. I’m mentally checked out from this mean-ass fandom that hates me no matter how much I try to be good. I’m so over trying to please ppl who will never be satisfied, and who somehow simultaneously don’t care if I live or die. The internet is so fucking weird and mean and I’m too sensitive for it, which I’ve always acknowledged, so I’m just stepping back. I’m still gonna write and draw personally, but I’m done w having my every move monitored here. I’ve realized I genuinely cannot handle the attention. On here, too many people expect me to serve as a role model when I’m a very mentally ill young adult. I am not a role model. I never asked go be placed on any kind of pedestal. I just drew pretty pictures and you all expected it from me. I feel as if I’m not allowed to exhibit mental illness symptoms on my personal blogs or even have a bad day, othwrwise I’m problematic and need to be punished. This is something that consumes me entirely, I cannot handle being shamed for it each time it happens. It’s happened three summers in a row. Hate trains, smear campaigns, three summers in a row. Me expressing my opinions on my own blog without main tagging it was not a me issue. It never was. I’m fed up. You all treat me like I’m horrible and I’m done w it. Villainize me all you want even though you don’t know me, I genuinely don’t care. I’m done w/ main tag callout posts and being framed for hate asks I never sent & death threats instead of private communication. And I know you all treat me like this because of my BPD and autism; everyone says I’m making excuses and I’m so immature for my age but I’m not, I’m just explaining that I’m actually intellectually disabled and therefore have lower emotional maturity levels. But that doesn’t matter, does it? Here’s what you wanna hear: I’m just fucked in the head, it had nothing to do with fandom. You could have just blocked me or dm’d me, do anything but try and run me off the internet or get me to kill myself, but this is what I’m doing instead since you all lack critical thinking skills and interpersonal communication skills as well. I’m gonna miss posting, but I just can’t handle the hate anymore. There are too many who want me gone or worse, and it’s too much for me. I’ve just been working and sleeping because I don’t have time for anything else so it was about time I left anyway, but I haven’t been speaking to anyone since I’m in a fucked state rn. So thanks to all the people who actually asked me if I was fine (4 people lol), ask me for my new socials and I’ll get it to you. I’m not saying thank you to anyone else and you can make fun of me all you want for being dramatic or crashing out, I don’t care, I’m not listening anymore, just know it led to shit I didn’t want & this was entirely avoidable. I hope you can all be kinder to each other in the future. If this is the next generation though I really have no hope for the world
also richjer 5ever and always.
