It’s been so long since I’ve written in here. Just a year, but in tumblr terms, that’s way too long. I never felt the need to write in here again mainly because tumblr has been such an emotional place for me to write, and the memories associated with this place made me downright sad. So I stopped. I lived a whole year or so being happy, a lot has happened, and things were great. Or that’s what I thought. I started to realize I was not okay, and that I needed help or at least an outlet to let out these thoughts, these demons I’ve been battling for the longest time. So here I am, trying to figure out why my head is always wrapped up in something it shouldn’t.
A lot has happened these past two years. Looking back my old tumblr posts, I was so incredibly smitten with my girlfriend. She also helped me get through tough times, as my life was constantly spiraling out of control. Well, we are engaged! We are planning on tying the knot in January 2017 in SF - her home, my home, and the best city in the world. We’ve been engaged since last December, and I’m excited to be married to my partner in crime. My friends and family have been telling me that she and I simply just makes sense together, and I strongly feel that way too. It’s safe to say that she and I are still madly in love, and we conquer everything together. I have to say, being truly invested in someone, the time, energy, caring, and all that, is hard work. Loving someone is the easiest part of a relationship. I never knew what this kind of love meant, until I met her. I wouldn’t life to go on any other way.
Here I am, rambling about my perfect love life, and rubbing it in. In other news, my father is home again, and I guess the thought of losing my mother forever freaked him out. He even called me outside to ask about my opinion about if she wanting a divorce is reasonable. He’s been a better husband, and I know he’s trying to the best of his ability. Mom tells me how he doesn’t get grumpy and yell at her when things don’t go his way, and the reactions to stories of his six month old granddaughter make him super happy. He’s not one to let his pride down or smile when me and my fiance walk through the door, but I’m glad he’s in a better state of mind and heart now. He’s working hard, trying to make ends meet for his family, as he has been all his life. As for me, I learned that life is too short to hold grudges. I was upset at him for a lot things, some which haunt me till this day, but I let go of all the anger. My family’s house has never been more quiet, and my heart doesn’t pound of anguish and fear every time I visit my mom at night.
I finally did it. I completed college with a decent standing GPA and I’m currently waiting in the mail for my expensive certificate. I never thought I could, or more like what class did I miss now? I also found a decent job in Downtown LA in the finance department. It’s something I never thought I would ever do, but it turns out I’m a lot more capable than I thought. Things have been looking up, and I do grown up things now, like pay bills and be responsible for important things at home. Oh yeah, my fiance and I also got a dog. His name is Papi, and he is a monster when he could be. He has severe separation anxiety and I’ve been trying to train him more thoroughly now. He was a stray, and a rescue when different caretakers tried to take care of him. Our friend trained him for a few months, and I’m glad because the result of that was him being more social. I’m happy he’s in the hands of us, because he’s made me feel better at night when nothing else could. I love that guy.
We were able to get him because my fiance and I moved out of the city twice now. So much has happened. I miss living in busy LA. I didn’t appreciate the connivence of places and work until we moved 30 miles then 20 miles out. Every new city has its own perks but I’m looking forward to moving back to LA later this year. It’s not appealing though because rent for apartments has extremely increased since we lived there. It’s crazy, but we’ll see what happens. I also miss seeing my mom so often.
I can probably talk forever on tumblr. The main reason I’m back here is because I need an outlet. I need to vent, I need to write the haunting memories, the dreams, the memories that just won’t stop replying in my head everyday. These are what I call confessions, because I keep to myself and maybe writing it all out will help me get rid of them. Some I may have shared, but mostly these are something I’ve never said out loud. I’ll be writing these in different orders that happened throughout my life, or all sorts of things. I’ll write what happened yesterday, seven years ago, three years ago, or even when I was a child. I just need to let it out guys. If there’s anything I learned as an adult is to just say it. Don’t hold back something that could have been great. You only have one life, and what you say or do could be highly impacted, and could change the world. So here I go, on this journey with you. I want to change my life. I want to better my life. I want to be a better me.
pixelskylines
jbbartram-illu
titsay
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germansingergirl
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