humanbludgers:
O most beloved mother of my flesh and fountain to my spirit,
I wouldn’t discount dying just yet. The more you write me, the more appealling the prospect seems. What, exactly, in my last letter implied that I want to continue this correspondence? I’ll be sure to correct it in future.
That said, I’d like it known that you have indirectly called yours truly ‘exceptionally clever.’ I have it in your handwriting, with your authentic signature. Let it hereby be decreed that I request to be buried with it.
I rather meant how all your spawn have scurried to the ends of the earth like hell was at their heels, which it was. I’m glad to hear John, Paul, and Ringo are returning the favour. (George kept Little George.)
Your profoundly affectionate offspring,
P. S. Ladies’ version Knickerugs? Sound too much like a wig for down under?
P. P. S. How do you power your vibrator(s), then, Mum?
Dear Mum,
Fred decided not to tell me you’d written. Found the things in his pocket while I was doing laundry. At least the pants on the floor are clean pants, all right?
W&W highly discoura
Who the fuck is using Puffs as vibrators? I just want to talk.
Love,
Brightest Star, who is my sun;
You are exceptionally clever, dear. Even through all our arguments I wouldn’t dare say otherwise. You wouldn’t be able to get as much of a reaction out of me if you were anything less than absolutly brilliant.
Try not to let it inflate your ego darling.
As far as my children scattering to the winds, I’d rather be it because of me rather than something that actually is trying to kill them. I’m very lucky that no one died, and I can still exchange such charming correspondence with my sweet angelic babies.
Maybe I’ll frame all your letters, wouldn’t that be an interesting choice.
I still plan on visiting, carpants or knickerugs aside.
With sweet regard,
Your Mother.
P.S. Knickerugs seems vaguely German. Exotic imports are all the rage, I’d see if there was a way to capitalize on it if there is truly no way to dissuade you. Though it may prudent to have unique name for the drapes, so the curtains, can in fact, match the carpet.
P.P.S. I just got a letter from George and would rather not answer your question as he found my last reply in your pocket.
Dear George,
It’s great to finally hear from you dear, I was attempting to set up a civil visit and ended up sidetracked, though I am glad to hear from both you and your brother.
My comments about the puffs were in response to something your brother wrote me, and I’d be more than happy to bring over the letter for your review. I’d normally ask you to watch your language, but unfortunately in this case i think it’s unusually warranted.
Not that I’m happy, mind you, but I suppose it’s something I’ll have to accept for the time being.
With most things, I suggest having a talk with your brother.
If there is a good day for me to visit, please let me know. I want to bring over your favorite treats. For both you, and Fred, as much as he’s attempting to leach the color from my hair.
With love, your mother,
Molly.

















