A Girl and Her Butler

One girl's journey to become perfect and marry a cute demon.

[perfectprincesschallenge]

“You are an embodiment of my feelings and my deepest truth, my secret dreams and fears.”

“You’re going into the garbage.”

I not sure this is how art therapy is supposed to go.

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“This is fine.”

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“You know, sweet young thing, there’s easier work out there than internet scamming. And it’s more fun, too.”

*whimper*

“Oh gosh what’s that over there it’s a guard-”

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“Those coffee beans remind you of something, chef? Because I can tell you cook with a lot of beans.”

“I mean I can smell it.”

“Woo! More like Chef Fart-ran, amirite?”

“That - I would never overuse beans in a dish! I’m a professional!”

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Hey! I bought you a chocolate bun thing and a coffee. Why so glum, chum?

“Because I just electrocuted myself?”

Yeah, but now that guy knows you’re hard. He’s not gonna mess with a girl who electrocutes herself to get out of a conversation. You’re wily, like an electric ee”l, or the noble platypus.

“I guess. I-”

Oh shoot!

“What?”

Nothing, just eat your chocolate bread. And don’t look up. Maybe never look up again.

Eep.

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“You know, guy, maybe you were right about me. I should take your selfless offer seriously!”

“Exactly, my dear.”

“Let’s shake on it.” *giggle*

“Ah!”

“Are you all right?”

“I-i-i-i-i- I’m f-f-f-fine!”

“It must be all this static! From the weather! Excuse me!”

I didn’t even know handbuzzers could backfire. Huh!

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“Okay, bud, what’s your offer? Hurry up, I got emails to send.”

“My dear girl, it’s obvious you need a stabilizing influence. If you would consider an offer of matrimony-”

“Ugh!”

“Ugh! I’m never going to feel clean again!”

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“Excuse me, young lady! That computer is for paying customers only! But perhaps we could strike a bargain. . .”

what level of mischief lets you set someone on fire with your mind?

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“Dear Sir/Madam, I am in urgent need of your aid. My coffers are overflowing but I require the aid of a a stalwart compatriot to realize-”

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Olive! There’s no eating in the library! You put that pear back in your inventory right now!

I can’t believe I’ve raised this kind of monster.

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“Hey, Wendy!”

“Yes?”

“I’m having a house party tonight, wanna come?”

“Oh, sure! It’s a little last minute, but that sounds-”

“Pranked! I don’t even have a house, dummy.”

“Oh. Okay? You . . . got me?”

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Okay, little match girl, I get it. You know you own a coat, right?

“It doesn’t even have full sleeves.”

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What are you doing?

“I’m looking for shelter because I’m in my pajamas in the middle of a blizzard, Dad.”

Yeah, I guess it would mess up the challenge if you froze to death.

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“This sure gives a new meaning to frosted cereal. Ha. Ha. Ha.”

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“Behold the horrors and gross temptations of my slightly bared midriff! Boo!”

“I don’t find this very amusing, young lady. How do you ever hope to find a husband-”

“Ew.”

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“I don’t see why a young girl would insist on dressing so immodestly!”

“If it bothers you so much than quit staring! Jeez!”

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Who’s that thing tuned to, again?”

“Me. I’m doing this because you made me eat food that literally set my mouth on fire.”

Oh. Cool.