At one-of-my-closest-friends’ birthday party a mutual friend once told me a comedian I thought was the bee’s knees had cheated on his wife. I was about fourteen, had just been to see him live and was swelling with pride. She did it to get a reaction out of me; knowing that I thought this guy was fabulous and that I very much had a belief in ‘old fashioned values’ as it was the way I’d grown up. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. How could I still enjoy his comedy if I knew this to be true? I remember pausing for this to sink in (I’m certain my face must have fallen because there was an extremely satisfied look on hers), saying ‘yep’ and nodding sincerely- trying so hard to act like this wasn’t news to me- and plastering the grin back on my face to continue with my story.
It only occurred to me later that I could still enjoy his comedy because a) I didn’t know this information to be true and b) even if it was it did not mean his performances were in any way less entertaining or that I was supporting his decisions by continuing to watch or listen to his comedy.
Despite this my admiration for him faded away and I am prompted to think of this little bit of information every time I hear of him.
And now this ‘little bit of information’ has come to light about Alex Day- a guy I have bought merchandise from, watched most (if not all) of his videos and danced to in the shower. I popped the champagne with him when he got his book contract, used his TED talk as not only inspiration for my English coursework but my lifetime of ambitions, and cried with happiness when I found out how he got back together with Carrie because it was just so sweet. This is a man I have watched eagerly for the past few years; letting him tell me about his life and in a way let him into mine.
So, of course, my immediate reaction was the all to familiar kick-in-the-stomach feeling. ‘How could I have let this happen to me again? I trusted another man to let me idolise him and buy into his world and he’s let me down- let all of us down!’
Having let that little rational voice pop back into my head, I realise this is not the reaction that is suitable or even helpful to the situation.
Taking that voice’s ‘a)s’ and ‘b)s’: do we know this to be true? Yes- I think we can be fairly certain from Alex’s comments that at least some of the allegations are part-way to the truth. Of course, certainty of all cannot be assumed (this is the Internet, isn’t it?!) and, although I am certainly not saying that these people were not brave by coming forward as I wish I had been, so many people have so many opportunities to make their statements we have to be selective in which to believe to prevent total ruination of his life (such that false allegations could cause).
And: are we supporting his decisions by continuing to buy into his work? This is harder to answer because, after-all, as he is telling us about his life and inviting us into it (as is the nature of blogging), continued following could be seen as support for what has been done. It means we all feel invited to have an opinion on the topic, just as I do, and it does lead to some questions (just as Alex himself has raised in the past) about how we treat YouTubers almost to the point of worshipping and idolising- whom are only people prone to mistakes and regrets just as the rest of us are.
I, for one, am going to continue to subscribe to Alex’s channel and follow his blog. I will not be buying his book as I originally was going to and, I fear, my interest will probably dwindle away.
I’d like to add, however, my support for Carrie still stands. As a human being who has made mistakes in the past that she happily shares with us and is not to blame in this situation, who politely looks after us with her advice and inspirational stories, she has my upmost admiration. I’m sorry to hear her happily ever after was not to be and am thrilled at the news of her nephew.
I’m taking this as an opportunity to reevaluate how I view people whom I have never met and yet still seem to raise to the expectations of squeaky-clean martyrs. My feelings of being let down in this situation are my fault only. Trust should be earnt.
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