Peridot Explains Jokes

Greetings, humans. I am Peridot, member of The Crystal Gems. In an attempt at inter-species diplomacy, and for educational purposes, I have created a blog in which I will explain any jokes that you do not understand. However, I am still learning, so there will be some jokes that I do not understand. You may also ask other kinds of questions. For example, I have been researching 'music', as well as other strange forms of expression that humans use.

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We meet again, Humans.

Greetings. As you may have noticed I have been absent for a considerable duration of time. The reason for this is that I have been busy saving your lives, as well as countless other life forms that reside on this planet. The earth is in a relatively stable condition and we can all rest easy for now. 

 Now that I am not labouring away in a desperate attempt to stop the world from falling apart, I have a remarkable amount of spare time on my touch stumps. Because of this, I have decided to pay some more attention to my Blog. As a reminder, I am here to explain and analyse any 'jokes' that catch my interest or that you submit to me. 

 Signed, your Humble Saviour and resident Humour Expert, Peridot.

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how do i get to know a lot about jokes like you do?

To start, you will need a decent supply of relevant ‘books’. Humans enjoy wasting their time so much that they have created tomes of in-depth analysis on exactly how to waste time. This, of course, includes jokes. And now I waste my time, researching this analysis and relaying it to you humans. 

‘Joke books’ are a good place to start, but they offer little explanation on the mechanics behind the jokes. Most of them simply list examples of jokes in alphabetical order. For more detail on how jokes function, you could go to a ‘library’. However, my teammates have ‘gently advised’ me to keep my distance from humans, so I had to ask for information from the small sphere of intelligence held by the few gems/humans/other sentient life-forms that I have encountered so far on this planet. Unfortunately, most humans have an intuitive understanding of humour as opposed to a theoretical one, so I had to analyse a lot of patterns myself through trial and error. 

Another useful resource is ‘Steven’s phone’, a primitive earth version of the technological communication systems I used on homeworld. It seems that the Dad has put a restriction on the information that we can access on that device. I was still able to access some relevant ‘urls’, however, and I imagine that you would be able to find much more on the subject than I could.

The most important thing you will need is a desire to learn about things that you do not understand. This desire will carry you through your research until you start to understand enough about jokes that you can reliably use them to good effect in practical, everyday situations.

I have not quite mastered this skill yet.

Signed, Peridot.

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This blog is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, please, educate all us hapless humans on the art of whimsy, Peridot. Your a gem! : 3

Thank you. 

I am glad that you used that expression, actually, as I have since discovered that describing me as a ‘Gem’ is a joke as well. The word ‘Gem’ is used to describe my species, but it is also an expression used to describe somebody who is precious or has an attribute that you appreciate. This is why Amethyst has referred to me as a ‘real gem’, using the word ‘real’ to convey the magnitude of the description, as opposed to authenticity of my status as a gem. 

Also, I cannot yet detect (or fully understand) sarcasm. I am going to assume that you are using hyperbole in order to compliment me as opposed to insulting me, in which case: Wow, Thanks! 

In case you are being sarcastic, I have been informed by Steven that there are some humans that do not understand humour and that it would be useful for them to be taught by someone who also finds difficulty with it, as I could identify the problems that they are having because I have those problems as well, whereas somebody to whom humour comes naturally would be unable to explain the complexities of it to somebody else. He also said that explaining it would help me to understand it as well. 

Again, I appreciate that you were able to derive some enjoyment from my blog. That was part of my intent in creating it.

Also, could you explain the meaning behind your use of a colon followed by the number 3?

Signed, Peridot.

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An Addendum

I have just been informed by a reliable source that there is a hidden layer to the joke that I explained in this post: http://peridot-explains-jokes.tumblr.com/post/139364108947/hello-humans

In addition to being an anti-joke, it is also a joke based on the confusion that figurative language creates. Apparently, going to ‘the other side’ is also a euphemism for dying, as well as literally meaning that the chicken has crossed to the other side of the road. This implies that the chicken has crossed the road for the express purpose of being crushed beneath some sort of vehicle that is driving on the road. This is funny because humans appear to have a great capacity for unnecessary cruelty. It is also funny because there is a joke within a joke that is a joke because it is not a joke?

Signed, Peridot.

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Hello, Humans

To initiate this blog, I will make a ‘post’ explaining the following joke:

“Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.”

Whilst the fact that a chicken is a silly animal is one amusing element of this joke, there is more to it than that. This joke is a paradox. It is an anti-joke, and by proxy it is also a joke. You see, the joke relies on prior knowledge of the conventions of other jokes, and subverts your expectations of those jokes by not being a joke, thereby becoming a joke. 

I do not entirely understand this myself, but I am sure I am making progress.

Another example of an anti-joke that I created (that I think is objectively hilarious, considering Amethyst’s reaction) would be: 

“What do you call two clods, walking around like they’re one clod? Garnet.”

At the start of the joke, or the ‘set up’ as it is apparently called, you are lead to believe that I am going to create a silly name for the clods in question. But I have deceived you! Where there would normally be what is called a ‘punch line’ in most other jokes of this construction, I have just factually stated the Gem’s name. By refusing to finish the creation of my joke, I have created a joke.

Humour is a tedious, yet fascinating pursuit.

Signed, Peridot.