[toasty-cowboy]

March has some fucking nerve showing it’s face around here again

[aksldhfgaajdshgaslg-deactivated]

Me, a clueless cowboy:

Yeehuh?

[birffed]

tumblr updates are like someone coming into your house and moving all of your furniture 2 inches to the left while you’re gone

[periodic-desk]

instagram updates are like when meth heads broke into a meth storage looking for meth but failed miserably

[periodic-desk]

why would u go for the onceler when there’s literally the lorax?

[periodic-desk]

my cat took a shit on the carpet and i fuckign sat on it and spent 30 minutes looking for the shit @god what the fuck did i do

[illbeartheburdenofyourhatred]

men kiss eachother

[angelicguy]

jerk a man off and he’ll cum just once. teach a man to beat his own meat and he’ll cum for the rest of his life

[angelicguy]

portly italian mother hitting me with a wooden spoon for this post

[periodic-desk]

mixed vege companies need to ratio their vege properly im tired of getting 90% carrot jf i wnt carrot i woud buy a whole one in fact I would grow one myself! im so mad

[goldcrescent]

be soft

but be ready

[kaijuno]

- Theodore Roosevelt

[obviousplant]

Not for good girl

[periodic-desk]

gay people having sex: im in spain but the pain is silent

[logarto]

the phrase “whoa mama mia cunt” ended the credibility of every italian online literally no way to argue against or come back from that

[logarto]

[rcktpwr]

whole foods employee catches me stealing valuable artichoke water and tries to apprehend me but i quickly jump through one of his gauges and escape

[firegfarchive-deactivated202106]

when men wear black turtlenecks. ok whore

[periodic-desk]

Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets (2002)

00:40:10

[periodic-desk]

I keep singing Amber Lynn by Mayday Parade but only the Amber Lynn part so now I sound like a broken record trying to summon Amber Lynn and my sister fucking hates Mayday Parade lol