my monthly villain arc

hormonal cryptid blogging from the luteal plane

[periodicallyferal]

One time I forgot to take my Effexor for not one, but TWO days in a row, & I can say with absolute confidence that I will never be doing that shit again.

I wasn’t even in a PMDD episode at the time, but I may as well have been with how emotionally unstable I was. I genuinely almost checked myself into the psych ward.

I have historically been TERRIBLE about remembering to take my meds, but apparently nothing builds a consistent medication routine quite like the knowledge that if you forget for 48 hours your brain will personally drag you to hell.

So I guess the Effexor withdrawal keeps me accountable now.

That’s... something.

[periodicallyferal]

I feel like there’s a kind of trauma that comes from living with PMDD that nobody really talks about.

Even when i’m fine, i'm still looking over my shoulder.

The second I wake up in a bad mood, feel irritated for no reason, start crying too easily, or just feel a little off, my brain immediately goes:

Fuck. Not again.

& maybe it's just a bad day. Maybe i’m just tired or stressed or hungry or overwhelmed or whatever. But PMDD has taught me that one weird mood can turn into two weeks of feeling horrifically emotionally unstable.

So now I’m constantly checking myself. Is this normal? Is this PMDD? What cycle day am I on? Am I about to spiral? How bad is it gonna get this time?

& even during the good part of the month, there’s still this feeling of knowing it’s coming back. Like I can enjoy feeling okay, but not too much, because I know it won't last.

There’s the dread before & the exhaustion after. The guilt. The anxiety. The constantly having to figure out whether my emotions are actually mine or if my hormones are fucking with me again.

It leaves me in this constant state of bracing for the next crash, like my nervous system can never fully rest.

[thequeenofthewinter]

What PMDD Feels Like to Me

It’s a time bomb waiting to go off. You know it’s here; it’s coming. It’s just around the corner but when? Oh, you’re suddenly sad for no reason? You had a bad thought about yourself? Well, we can’t let that go, so now you’re more tilted than a pinball table. The things you liked to do? You hate them, and you hate the things you make. You never want to make anything again. Why does anyone want to talk to you? Everybody hates you. Why bother getting out of bed?

This happens every month.

Wallow in agony over nothing. Because this is nothing right? Why can’t you just be normal like everyone else? Maybe you’re faking it. Maybe you’re just weak. Maybe this is your fault.

This happens every month.

You lay in bed. You cry. Why are you crying again? It will be over soon, right? You just have to endure until the red tides roll in, and then it’s just the physical pain. You can take that, can’t you? Yes, yes, you can take that if only you can get off of the emotional yo-yo picking you up and putting you down. Picking you up and putting you down. Picking you up and putting you down.

This happens every month.

Shouldn’t you expect this? Why are you letting this happen to yourself? Why can’t you just be happy? Careful, your mental illness is showing, and if you share too much of that, no one will want to talk to you. But didn’t we already establish that no one likes you anyway?

This happens every month.

It ends, and suddenly the clouds clear. The sun is out, and all of this is like it had never happened. Like a switch is flipped, everything is suddenly beautiful and bright again. You are fine. Everything is fine.

This happens every month.

[super-lazer-piss]

People with normal hormone systems: My period started 😔

People with PMDD: MY PERIOD STARTED

[hermitcoat-deactivated20260321]

Having PMDD is like being a werewolf. I go insane for a while every month but its ok

[periodicallyferal]

Tonight I took a nap, woke up, ate dinner, & decided I could handle doing the dishes.

I could not.

I started crying bc I was overwhelmed by the general concept of being alive. Took a break. Had a small breakdown. Got comforted. Regulated a little.

Tried the dishes again.

Started crying AGAIN because the water was too hot & burned me.

Yes. Hot water.

That was the final boss.

Nothing was actually wrong, by the way.

Partner supportive.

I was fed.

No crisis.

Life objectively fine.

My nervous system just has zero buffer & my hormones chose violence.

I still finished the dishes because leaving them would’ve been a visual trigger & apparently my brain would rather experience emotional devastation than look at a messy sink.

Anyway fuck this stupid hormone disorder.

[periodicallyferal]

nothing says luteal phase like standing outside at 33° in a bathrobe screaming at your locked car bc your pickled sausage from the gas station is still inside. 🙄