PerpetualKid.com

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YAS, QUEEN! TIME TO STIR UP SOME DRAMA Messes are not your cup of tea, you say? Oh, dear. You'll simply love to loathe our completely uncivilized Just Tea-sing Fake Spill Sight Gag, the ultimate tea étiquette faux pas! Savor the moment, before the reali-tea of the prank seeps in! Features an actual teabag and spoon sitting in a pretend pool of tea Fit and proper silver teaspoon measures approximately 6 inches long Handmade in the USA! This hilarious 80's style decor brings a whole new meaning to the 80's catch phrase 'gag me with a spoon!" Proudly rest this unslightly mess in plain view, year round! Made in the United States of America. For decorative purposes only. Non-edible. The style or pattern of the spoon may vary. Gently clean using a damp cloth. Since this item is handcrafted, the color, size, and shape may vary slightly from the photos. For those not born with a silver spoon in their mouths, our Just Tea-sing Fake Spill Sight Gag is a fun and unique housewarming gift! #prank #gag #spoon #tea #cuppa #fake https://www.instagram.com/p/CNKiRzlDE2-/?igshid=vp5zgj1i08ct

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5318008 SUMS UP WHAT WE LEARNED IN MATH CLASS Our delightfully immature Boobies Calculator Greeting Card will bring back a rush of nostalgia and giggles. In a land before the time suck known as the internet, simpler pleasures prevailed. Discovering you could spell boobies on your calculator by typing 5318008 and flipping it upside down, was one of the greatest revelations of all time. Front: What I learnt in maths Inside: Blank for your personal message Design: llustration of a calculator turned upside down to reveal the secret message of 7 simple numbers. - your introduction into numerology and sex all in one Hand-drawn design digitally colored and printed Made in the UK Handmade and illustrated by Goodwick, UK artist Frankie Nicholas. Printed on quality cardstock with a kraft envelope made from recycled paper. A fun gift and way to connect with childhood friends and contemporaries. Our Boobies Calculator Greeting Card accurately sums up what we learnt in maths, too. #boobies #boobs #freetheboobies #calculatorfun #mathclass https://www.instagram.com/p/CMzmTFKBCW4/?igshid=zp8e7dg6uqcs

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ABSOLUTELY RIBBITING Our delightful Plant Animal Tree Frog Ornament is the cutest accessory for your office or houseplants. Style your plants with the Tree Frog, formed from etched brass in a shiny gold finish. Simply fold the frog's hands over a branch, twig or stem to attach your plant pet to its new companion. Measures approx. 6 inches x 2 inches. #treefrog #treefrogsofinstagram #plantdecorations #plantlife #plantsplantsplants #frog https://www.instagram.com/p/CMxJqMaBJiy/?igshid=1e7j6isapi056

[perpetualkid]

FEED ME, SEYMOUR! Don't leaf your plants in the murderous hands of a friend or a relative while you are away on that dream trip! Our IV Plant Life Support system will drip feed everything your plant needs for the duration of your vacation. Peace of mind - it's the 'root' of all happiness. Designed to look like a miniature medical IV drip bag, it is suitable for small house plants, and will keep your plant automatically watered for up to 7 days! Easy to assemble! Includes "Directions for Use" directly on the H20 bag: Fill the bag with water & connect the flow regulator. Hang the bag on the hook provided and push the arrow dripper into the soil. Set the flow regulator dial to "Open" until the water begins to flow. Set the flow regulator dial to '20'. IMPORTANT If the flow of water has noticeably stopped, increase the regulator to '50'. It's a hilarious gift for the registered plant murder in your group, as well as for nurses, doctors, and other essential medical workers! Each Plant Life Support contains x1 350ml IV bag, x1 metal peg, x1 valve, x1 dripper. Packaging made from 100% recycled paper. Simple assembly. Our IV Plant Life Support Drip is your plants life line. #lifesupport #plantlife #ivdrip #plantsofinstagram #plants https://www.instagram.com/p/CMmmM4ThByN/?igshid=1e3lrstmp2agu

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THESE INSULTS ARE LIT! Literary buffs will thoroughly enjoy the barbed tongue insults highlighted in our Shakespearean Profanities Cards! They're literally hilarious. The Bard did not simply cuss. No, no, no. That would be too basic. Arguably the greatest poet of all time, Shakespeare's witty and colorful insults have stood the test of time. Featuring 100 William Shakespeare insults, complete with a burn rating, each card also cites the source of the profanity listed on the card, This makes these cards insulting, hilarious, and educational! Just check out some of these sick burns: He has not so much brain as ear-wax More of your conversation would infect my brain Thou hateful wither'd hag Thou lump of foul deformity Thou bitch-wolf's son A fun gift for those who find modern day insults are just not adequate enough. These 100 cards will expand your vocabulary and teach you some of the best insults from Shakespearean times. Includes 100 cards with old school insults. Comes in a teal and pink paper box. Measures approximately 5.9 inches long x 3.5 inches wide x 1.4 inches deep. We swear, our Shakespearean Profanities Cards will get some laughs! #shakespeare #shakespeareaninsults #insults #profanity #bard #shakespearean https://www.instagram.com/p/CMkjeDqBBNf/?igshid=xu5m65ju88nm

[perpetualkid]

NOT JUST A MOTHERS DAY CARD! Our insightful I Get it Now Mother's Day Card gets down to the heart of the matter. But what exactly is it that you get now? Sleepless nights? Eyerolls? Hot flashes? Splitting headaches? The Lois/Stewie mom, moooomm, mommy, mom, mom, bit on Family Guy? Perhaps you finally understand all of the sacrifices your mama made for you and what a pain in the butt you were for all of those years? Or maybe, you just finally understand just what it's like to have a piece of your heart walking around on 2 legs and bumping into walls, or staying out all night. Front of Card: Dear Mom, I get it now. Inside: Blank with plenty of space to elaborate, by way of a personal message. Flowery design features purple blossoms, green foliage, and blue hearts Printed on 100% recycled heavy-weight natural cardstock, and paired with a matching purple, recycled envelope. Eco-friendly! Handmade in the USA! Made in Charlotte, North Carolina, USA. Constructed from 100% recycled, 100lb natural cardstock. Folded card measures 5 inches wide x 7 inches tall, includes purple recycled envelope, and is packaged in a clear protective sleeve. Our I Get it Now Mother's Day Card is a thoughtful way to celebrate mom's day. #dearmom #mothersday #momlife #momsofinstagram #wow #igetitnow https://www.instagram.com/p/CMkPZDDsrBt/?igshid=18n5jitchbciy

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Happy St Patrick’s Day!

[perpetualkid]

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TIMES ARE TOUGH... BUT DANG, THIS IS SOME GOOD WEED! Happy to take the edge off this last trip around the sun, our Rough Year! Just Grateful Weed is Legal Card will leave the past in a billowy cloud of some dank ass smoke. Front: Holy crap... it's been a rough year! I'm just grateful that weed is legal! Inside: Blank for your personal message The design features a vintage photo of an embattled let’s-get-down-to-business girl looking rough, tough, and ready to rumble in a frilly white dress, with a cigg hanging from her mouth. Printed on premium creme colored goodness 4 color offset printed with soy based inks Accompanied by copper metallic envelope Made in the USA! Card measures approximately 4.25 inches wide x 5.5 inches tall. Offensive and Delightful is a woman-owned company run by artist and designer Olga Krigman. Our Rough Year... Grateful Weed is Legal Card is the silver lining on the poofs of smoke. #legalize #weed #weedlife #420 #2021 #smokeweedeveryday https://www.instagram.com/p/CMe0J7ghuV7/?igshid=umjvf0xbbkd7

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I’VE GOT BUNS, HUN. Offering nothing butt the truth (the soft, floofy, fluffy truth) our hare-larious Cottontail Easter Bunny Greeting Card states an ear-refutable fact. It also backs it up with an un-bun-lievable piece of evidence. Front of Card: Proof that the Easter bunny does exist. [fluffy bunny tail aka a cotton ball] Happy Easter. Inside: Blank so you can write a message to that some bun special. Made in the United States of America! A totally cute 3-D card to compliment your Easter basket! A fun greeting to hop in the mail, to let some bunny know that you're thinking about them this Easter! Handmade in Rhinelander, Wisconsin, USA. Designed + printed in a small paper studio and constructed with quality, acid-free paper sourced from sustainably managed forests. Size A2 folded card with matching envelope, measures 4.25 inches wide x 5.5 inches tall. Blank inside. We believe our Cottontail Easter Bunny Greeting Card proves that the truth is out there. #easterbunny #easter #happyeaster #cottontail #designsprinkles https://www.instagram.com/p/CMSjylphVpE/?igshid=xs1sw5s2gjbv

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IT’S TEA TIME, SO BOTTOM’S UP! Our Duck Duck Drink Tea Infuser is a charming tea infuser that floats in your cup — bobbing and brewing loose tea leaves to perfection. When you're stressed out and feel like telling the world to go duck itself, and wishing you had flown south for the winter (or summer!) its time to release this quacken! Just fill this little ducky with some loose chamomile tea leaves and try to keep a straight face while their is a duck butt in your face. You'll be chilled the duck out before you know it. A fun "what the duck??" gift that's guaranteed to quack up tea and duck lovers alike! Made from BPA-free HIPS plastic and stainless steel mesh, it’s packed in a clear gift box. Hand wash only. Our Duck Duck Drink Teas Infuser was designed by Fred Studio. https://www.instagram.com/p/CMP1WH7h5zA/?igshid=rlm704bajhxu

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POWER TO THE PEEP-LE! Hippity-hoppity, Easter's on its way, which means ones thing... Peeps are back! Our deliciously fun Peeps Pop-up Easter Card will put a smile on the face of your favorite peeps this Easter, or any day. Whatever the occasion, you’re sure to sweeten up their day with this punny, fun and interactive card. Front: "To one of my favorite peeps.” Inside: Blank so you can write a personal message Interactive 3D iconic sugar-coated marshmallow Easter candy This adorable pop-up card hips flat, so no extra postage fee required! Simply peel back this yellow chick's belly (aka honeycomb sphere) and press down to adhere Handmade in the USA! This adorable greeting is a fun addition to a Peep-packed Easter basket, or as a solo greeting to friends and family, as a way to peep in touch! Bright pink background, with yellow peep. Includes one single card packaged in a protective cellophane sleeve. Printed on sustainable sourced 14PT card stock, and includes kraft envelope made from wood pulp. Measures approximately 5.5 inches tall x 4.25 inches wide. Offset-printed. Our To One Of My Favorite Peeps Pop-up Easter Card is proudly made in the United States of America. #easter #peeps #chick #easter2021 #easterbunny #greetingcards https://www.instagram.com/p/CMPeW8wMu_3/?igshid=1fa807hx02h2t

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PAWSITIVELY PURRFECT PAIRS Looking for a great way to start feline great everyday? Enjoy breakfast with your kitty fur baby with our adorable I Love My Cat Mug & Bowl Set. Cat dish says I Heart/Tolerate My Human and the coffee mug says I Heart My (asshole) Cat. Includes a 16-ounce mug for you and a 16-ounce cat food bowl for them! We know you and your cat are a dynamic duo, so don’t hold back. Our ameowzing I Love My Cat Howligans Mug & Bowl Set is pawsitively purrfect! The all-ceramic set is packed in a full color, giftable box. Design by Fred Studio. #cat #catsofinstagram #asshole #catfood #kitty #love #lovecats #justarrived #new #ameowzing #purrfect https://www.instagram.com/p/CMM9dUlBIyR/?igshid=1w180lkmwqoyd

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PENS GUARANTEED TO LEAVE AN IMPRESSION You know those pens that end up in your pocket or purse promoting Joe’s Garage or Nancy’s House of Insurance? Well some sick minds have taken it one step too far with this subversive collection of immortal advertising keepsakes. Includes 8 memorable styles. 50% new phrases; 100% new pens. #pensofinstagram #penisland #fred #borrowmypen https://www.instagram.com/p/CMLSUA_hSGj/?igshid=by3aoygv7fok

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I DON'T THINK YOU'RE READY FOR THIS JELLY 'Cause our Hot Piece of Tail Easter Card is too bootylicious for ya, babe. This playful card will send your special some bun into a rabbit hole of flirty comebacks. Perfectly setting the tone for ya two to hop right in the sack and start going at it like rabbits! Front of Card: Happy Easter to One Hot Piece of Tail! Inside: Blank with space to write a flirty message to your hun with righteous buns Handmade in the USA! This shamelessly fun design features the voluptuous backside of a cute chubby little bunny with a pink fluffy tail. It’s the perfect gift or Easter Basket topper for your some bunny special! Here's hoping this card help you get a little bit of tail this Easter! Made in Charlotte, North Carolina, USA. Constructed from 100% recycled, 100# natural cardstock. Folded card with green recycled envelope, measures 5 inches wide x 7 inches tall. Packaged in a clear protective sleeve. Our cheeky Hot Piece of Tail Easter Card is designed and produced by a woman-owned company. #easter #pieceoftail #bunny #eastercard #greetingcard #celebrate https://www.instagram.com/p/CMKdnEuBbw5/?igshid=6zdwk2izna2b

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YOU'RE NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN Our celebratory And Now You Tell Me That You're Having A Baby Card is the perfect card for your friend that just announced that they're expecting. Especially if they love 80's pop icons like George Michael! Front of the card features an illustration of pop star George Michael that says, "And now you tell me that you're having a baby" Inside is blank for personal message. INSIDE: blank for a personal message Doo Doo Doo Sturdy recycled card stock. Recycled kraft brown envelope Size A2 folded card measures 4.25 inches x 5.5 inches. Blank inside. The And Now You Tell Me That You're Having A Baby Card is printed on high quality, recycled card stock and accompanied by 100% recycled kraft brown envelope. #everythingshewants #georgemichael #wham #pregnant #newbaby #babybump #expecting #knockedup https://www.instagram.com/p/CMKP1-ghQde/?igshid=1c8npeg777do4

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OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE! Our obnoxiously fun Happy Birthday You Old F*ck Card features that little asshole Billy shouting his birthday message so you can hear it on the other side of the hill you just climbed over! Or maybe, he’s just trying to make sure you an hear him at all, since you’re too proud to use a Miracle Ear. Front: Happy Birthday You Old Fuck! Inside: Blank for your personal message Wearing a striped-sweater tucked into his jeans, this kid is looking for a further ass-beating by unleashing an Old Yeller type of holler to alert your friends, townsfolk, and livestock to you being an old fuck. Printed on premium creme colored paper, coupled with a shimmery copper metallic envelope It's eco-friendly bitches! Locally 4-color offset printed with soy based inks Fun, irreverent, retro-design Made in the USA! Brightly colored in pink and orange. Card measures approximately 4.25 inches wide x 5.5 inches tall. Made in the United States by a woman-owned company. This card was created by artist, designer, and owner Olga Krigman. Our Happy Birthday You Old F*ck Card is a fun way to kid around with your aging contemporaries, and fellow old farts. #happybirthday #oldfuck #geezer #happybday #callingout #birthdaycard https://www.instagram.com/p/CMCy0yJBtR3/?igshid=kr6tn2k4h7ff

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100 WAYS TO BE A MORE RESPONSIBLE GROWN UP Do you find "adulting" difficult and consider yourself a bit of a mess? You're in luck! The dreadfully funny advice provided in our How to Adult Card Pack will help you clean up your act, and get to acting like a real adult in no time! Each card designates the number of adult points associated with the adulting tasks. Examples below: Money Troubles - Ask your family, friends, or the government for cash handouts. This is helpful if you've spent the last of your cash on a new outfit for the extravagant holiday. Adult points: 4 Complaints - Make sure you flip out at anyone who pisses you off. No one believes in good karma anymore. Throw a tantrum, scream at customer service employees, anything you can think of to finally get some attention! Adults points: 4 The Blame Game - Blame society and everyone else for your problems. Make sure everyone is aware of thow unfair your life is an do nothing to change it. Adult points: 5 Set of 100 sarcastic bad life advice "adulting" cards. Packaged in colorful paper box. Measures approximately 6 inches long x 3.5 inches wide x 1.4 inches deep. Our How to Adult Cards is the perfect gift for college grads! https://www.instagram.com/p/CMAGtvWsXBA/?igshid=1cmc9ywpdl2qk