play on.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

This is why we’re getting married with a nine-tiered wedding cake. BECAUSE YOU GET ME.

I agree, actually. Like, being put in a class together was basically fate’s way of throwing us a bone, being like, “Remember when you guys were super awesome rock gods back in the seventies? Here’s your new life!” or something like that. I’m going to stick with the seventies rock gos theory though, because I’m really digging this mental image of me with Farrah Fawcett hair that I’ve got going on in my head right now. For a second I thought you’d said that I’d elbowed you too many times for you to consider it adorable, and I was almost offended because I’ve totally only done that once.

Okay, thrice. BUT STILL.

…it does look like there’s some competition for you swooping in at any moment, so you might just have to see if I’ll do.

Maybe we should make it ten tier. I feel like we’d both positively weep over the idea of a chocolate lava cake sitting atop that majestic edible artwork.

I’m still stuck on the idea of me as a rock god, to be honest. Eyeliner, leather... I don’t know if I’d be able to pull that off. You on the other hand? You could slip into any scenario and no one would question it. Me? I don’t know. I exude food dorkism. You can elbow me with your ridiculously long limbs all you want, Teddy. Kopi, on the other hand? No.

Damn. I even lose the ones I bribe with lemon meringue. I suppose the future Porter-McIntosh household will have an incredible kitchen.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

…I actually couldn’t keep up? BUT I think we should just agree to owe each other pasta and hugs. That seems like the best route to take. That way we’re both guaranteed pasta and snuggles. It’s the best way to be.

YOU’RE SO CUTE THAT WAS JUST RIDICULOUS LEVELS OF CHARMING, MR. PLATYPUS. I’d let you come by to see me even if you didn’t have multiple pets. You could bring the same dog in for the same annual checkup every two weeks and I’d still give them the annual checkup. I never had to get braces, thank goodness, but I do make sure to go in for my check-ups. And that’s painful enough, honestly. I LOVE HER ELBOWS JUST FINE. Be nice.

You’re just that big of a catch, Per. I’ll get a blueprint drafted up and handed over to you asap. Violette’s sweet, but she might have to be left behind in the dust once you see what I have to offer.

I can’t imagine anything better than pasta and snuggles for all eternity, quite honestly.

I mean it. I think in any universe we are destined to be best friends. So even if you were a vet, I’d never leave you alone. Look at you being adorable. I don’t think Kopi would forgive me though. She may love you. But I don’t think she’d like a check up every two weeks. You didn’t? You very lucky so and so. They’ve elbowed me far too many times to find it adorable at all.

Pretty sure Vi may leave me soon, though. I’m not quite her type. So maybe this competition is futile.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

You know, I’d like to think that the world would just accept us and our friendship for just how epic it truly is. BUT, I’ll pay you in pasta and hugs whenever you want. Promise.

THEY ARE. I used to want to be a vet when I was a kid, but eventually I realized that with all the happy pets you get to make feel better, there’s a lot of pets that you… don’t. They’re absolutely worse than a dentist, because I’d much rather have my teeth being poked and prodded at than I would any pain happening to an animal. Okay, okay, obviously allergies won’t be grateful for such a thing, but breathing in fur will always be a price I’m willing to pay.

A THREE-TIERED CAKE? Please. Please. I can top that.

Let me know when she comes at you with a nine-tiered cake, bucko.

As long as you approve, then I’m all yours. Wait, I thought I owed you pasta and hugs. We may need to swap off between pasta and hugging.

If you had become a vet, I think I’d travel wherever you ended up with my ridiculous numbers of pets (because the more pets the more chance to see you). I’m not too upset with dentists. I was blessed with good dental genetics, so they’re always complimentary. Thankfully. No cavities. I may have to experience this, then. Kopi is far too unaware of how sharp her elbows are to have her laying on me.

Who thought I’d ever have two women fighting over my hand in marriage? I need a detailed plan of each of the tiers plus the decoration and the dowling used before I can decide.

sagemottas-blog

I can imagine how that might come off as sinister, but whatever works for you. I will definitely have to try that the next time I have to clean my microwave. I’m glad to hear that you do. I’ve always found that being busy is the only way to live a fulfilled live, at least for my own standards.

#post: reply #reply: sage #c: sage

It’s only sinister if you’re an onion. Makes it smell amazing too, which is even better. If I had the attention span and vocabulary, I’d probably write one of those 100 ways to use lemons in your kitchen books. But then again, no one would read it, so I’ll just keep it to myself. I couldn’t agree with you more. How is your art therapy coming along? And classes? And anything else you’re doing? I’m honestly intrigued.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

WHO WOULD DARE NEGLECT YOUR CUDDLING TALENTS? You obviously haven’t been cuddling the right people (i.e. me) because the right people (i.e. me) would never turn down that kind of offer. You owe me big time, but I’ll fill you in on an appropriate payment plan once I find one that I deem fit.

I’d spend my Saturday morning at a vet clinic just so I could test this theory out myself, but vets are one of the few things I can’t always focus on the bright side with, so I might have to pass on that one. But I’d be more than happy to squeeze in a Kopi cuddle session if she wanted one. Cats are amazing, Perry. Maybe sometimes they run away when you just want to love them, but then they fall asleep on your face when you least expect it, and it makes up for everything in between.

Look no further, Percival. It’s me. Your future wife and resident dream girl.

The rest of the human race. I don’t want our friendship to become too overwhelming though, because I would quite happily see you 24/7 but some people don’t quite approve of those levels of neediness. As long as the payment plan is either hugs or pasta dishes, I’m sure I can comply.

I would never ask you to do that. Veterinary clinics are just as terrifying for people as they are for animals. I have a theory they’re worse than dentists. She always wants one. You know, you say that like breathing in fur is a good thing, but I’m not quite sure...

Let me alert my parents now. Although you’ll have to become sister wives with Violette. I already promised her a quickie wedding with a three tiered cake.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

CUDDLE ALL THE HELL OUT OF ME. I expect to be nothing but heaven-sent by the time all is said and done. I’m still pretty sure I won you in this whole thing because I saved your croquembouche to crashing to the floor in an untimely demise when no one else would. You’re still welcome, by the way. It was DELISH.

IF KOPI CAN HANDLE ME SMELLING LIKE CATS, KOPI CAN HANDLE YOU SMELLING LIKE CATS. She’ll be so happy you’re home she won’t even be able to focus on any other part of it, trust me. And they would ever scratch you. oR BITE YOU. THEY ARE MAJESTIC, CIVILIZED CREATURES. And they love Perry, okay? I got them little Perry the Platypus toys and everything, they’re all set. A FOOD TRUCK MASCOT? You just want me to, like, marry you on the spot. You just DO.

I adore you quite terribly, Mr. McIntosh.

I most certainly will. My cuddling talents have been neglected lately. You won me? I’d have put in a complaint to whatever competition you won me from because I’ve been a terribly slacking prize in that case! In all seriousness, though? I owe you big time for saving my masterpiece.

Kopi just adores you to every level that exists, Teddy. You could turn up smelling like a vet and she’d still want to cuddle you. Let’s hope so. She’s a sensitive soul when it comes to me. I must have picked the world’s most needy spaniel. Your love for your cats never fails to surprise me. It’s adorable. You did? Do they love mini me? Well, I mean, my mother did always want me to marry a tall blonde so...

And I adore you quite tremendously, Miss Porter.

#post: answered #answered: beth #c: beth #puckerbeth

Did you miss me? :D

Of course I missed you. The diner hasn’t been the same.

sagemottas-blog

I actually enjoy it– it’s very therapeutic, to be honest. I’m definitely a fan of lemon juice, especially in salad dressing. You’re always busy, aren’t you. Well, trust me when I tell you that no news is good news.

#post: reply #reply: sage #c: sage

Yeah? Maybe I’ll have to try it sometime. There’s only so much therapeutic knife sharpening a guy can do before it’s slightly creepy and damaging. It’s great for cleaning, that’s why I suggested it. Especially microwaves. I mean, I have some down time? But I’m mostly busy, yeah. It’s fulfilling. I suppose you’re right in that regard.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

You actually are very, very serious nearly 99% of the time, I have to admit. SO, I will gladly take the cuddle session and I wouldn’t want anyone to be your culinary soulmate besides me, so BLESS FOR THAT. Nothing about you is useless. WHY MUST YOU WOUND ME THIS WAY?

Paramore levels of the only exception, I’m guessing. But if you were, like, there, they would come near you, and approach you, and probably even fall asleep on your face. Now, I ask you, Perry the Platypus, is there a greater compliment than that? No. No, there’s not. Learn it, live it, love it. What I’m getting from this is that I should have gotten you a beta fish for your birthday. I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T.

…as if you have to ask.

Better shape up for Chopped and Cupcake Wars too, while you’re at it.

Exactly. There’s no questioning what I mean. If I say I’m going to cuddle the hell out of you? You better believe I’m going to cuddle the hell out of you. I could have chosen anyone in our classes, Ted. But you were the only one who got me. I do better with showing my affections physically. There’s nothing wrong with that!

I don’t know if Kopi is going to like me coming home smelling of cats, but I’m sure it’ll make her either avoid me or cling to me more. We’ll have to see. As long as I don’t get scratched or bitten, I’ll give them some attention. If they want it. I don’t know. I can never tell if a cat wants attention or not. You didn’t have to get me anything. But, if food hygiene standards allow, maybe we can have a food truck beta mascot?

I’ll sharpen up my knife skills and my baking skills just for you, my dear.

#post: answered #answered: beth #c: beth #puckerbeth

Boop~

There’s my favourite little waitress!

I’ll throw the race if it means you’ll feel better. …Though I suppose I shouldn’t have told you that. Sort of defeats the purpose.

Please don’t. I refuse to win anything I haven’t earned. My pride won’t allow it.

It will definitely help. Not to worry. When I’m done with you, you’ll be only slightly mal-coordinated, and only a bit foolish. Cue I’ll Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan.

Hey, if it means I win our next race, then count me in weekly. I could use a good ego boost around here.

I’m absolutely positive that you’ll become good with time. No one starts out good at anything, and if they do they’re simply a freak of nature. But I’m very excited to see you there.

I have a little experience of self defense, I guess, so that’ll potentially help out. Oh please, I’m a mal-coordinated fool. But, if any of my friends are starting out, I’m going to be there to support them. No matter how embarrassing that may turn out for me.

A bit of good news for the week…I have a job! This new job is in addition to my tutoring, so if you’re one of my tutees please don’t fret. I’m now a Krav Maga instructor at Krav Maga Force, so if anyone wants to attend my new beginner class please let me know! I’m admittedly a bit anxious, and it would be nice to see some friendly faces. Krav Maga is great for fitness and self defense, and I truly believe that everyone should be able to defend themselves.

You can sign me right up! Although, I don’t think I’ll be any good at it, I’ll be a smiling face to calm you down at least. And why not further you improving my fitness?

spiderjackie-blog

So we’re opposites. Of course. Oh, I enjoy food. I watch a lot of Buzzfeed Food. Although I’m sure you have something to say about that.

#post: reply #reply: jackie #c: jackie

Opposites attract, though, right? So we’re destined to get along to some capacity. Just think; I’m not going to eat all of your ice cream share in my life time, so that’s a start. Hey, I’m not judging. They’re a creative entity in their own right and I respect that they inspire people to stop eating premade junk food. To a degree anyway. I never agree with anyone who uses boxed cake mix or ready made cookie dough.

TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...

YOU BETTER BE SERIOUS BECAUSE MY ARMS ARE EXTENDED AND I AM FULLY AND COMPLETELY READY FOR A SNUGGLE SESH, MR. MAC.

Cats do not hate you. I mean, my cats adore you, and while I know that Briar and Rosie don’t speak for the whole feline population or anything, they’re the most important in my book. And they would totally snuggle up on you if you wanted them to. SO THERE. CONSIDER YOURSELF DEBUNKED. I have the worst luck with fish, though. My parents kept replacing my goldfish thinking I wouldn’t notice, bUT I DID.

You’ve got a food truck partner now, though. You & Me. Teddy Bear & Platypus Enterprises.

Teddy, when have I ever not been serious about showering you with all my love? You’re my culinary soulmate, so I have to share my appreciation in some way. And we both know I’m useless vocally.

I mean, your cats are probably the only exception. But even still, they don’t choose to spend their time in my company. They much prefer you. I’ve been the victim of one too many cat attacks in my life, so I really can’t say I’m a cat person at all. Wish I was. My parents just wouldn’t let me have fish. Point blank refused. New York wasn’t the place for pets in their mind, even though a tank could be tiny.

You’re going to drag me onto Cake Boss one of these days, aren’t you?