One Handed Parent

Observe more, do less.

[philipmott1]

I know it feels important. I know it feels like we need to direct so much of their behavior. But the harder we push without their permission, the harder they’ll push back. We need to constantly ask ourselves, “Is what I’m fighting for worth risking a little bit of the trust we have together?” Usually the answer will be no. But not always. https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Bz14Agn7d/?igshid=1lwqeed04pfuj

[philipmott1]

I call my daughter “sweetheart.” She’s 4. 

 But what if she doesn’t want to be called that? 

 So I asked her. 

I didn’t ask a blog or a magazine or another dad. 

 She gets to decide what I call her. 

 FTR: I’m now calling her by her first name. 

[radicalanarchism]

“It is clearly absurd to limit the term ‘education’ to a person’s formal schooling.”

— Murray Rothbard

[philipmott1]

So much agreed!

[philipmott1]

I’ll caption this with my favorite quote from Magda Gerber: “Falling and getting back up is the best preparation for life.” We never know quite how long something will take but when they own the process from start to finish there is an extra pride from within that says, “I can and I will.” https://www.instagram.com/p/B7CfRq6Ac_3/?igshid=ppcibku5ul8r

[philipmott1]

I’m amazed how many parents struggle with sleep routines. 

Children are human beings. They will eventually feel the effects of their lack of sleep.

The thought of rewarding a child for getting in bed is absurd. Sleep *is* the reward!

[wildwestcoaster]

If you ever wonder why teachers are always exhausted, it’s because we’re kept up at night worrying about other people’s children.

[philipmott1]

It’s exhausting, even though I think teachers worry too much. When I learned how to watch a child learn instead of directing a child to learn my anxiety dropped a ton.

[philipmott1]

Listen to the Children

#listentothechildren

I've never regret doing this. Listening is not a contract or an obligation to act. It's just listening.

Put your "listening cap" on if that helps you.

[philipmott1]

The Only Sale I Care About

‪People talk a lot about closing deals. But I only have 3 in my mind. ‬

‪The buyer? My kids‬

‪Yes, I see our relationship as a sale. ‬

‪Because no one can make them buy.‬

‪They have to look at me every day and think, “yeah, I choose you dad.”‬

‪Right?‬

[philipmott1]

Some kids sing and some build with blocks. ‬ ‪ Building relationships with them is about recognizing value in what they value. ‬ This came to mind when I was hearing my daughter singing this morning. But her brother doesn't sing. It can be tempting to value one form of expression or curiosity more than another. *Especially* when it comes to less acceptable forms of curiosity like video games, movies, socializing, etc. I encourage parents to fight that temptation. Our children need us to lean into their interests, not fight them. https://www.instagram.com/p/B69ila_gH5Z/?igshid=l04qds9r1kiq

[philipmott1]

There’s an often overlooked principle in parenting. When we do things with them, they still learn it. Our son isn’t “teaching” his sister how to change batteries. But she’s watching him. So she’s still learning. When we try too hard to teach it we can overshadow the learning.

[philipmott1]

‪Some kids sing and some build with blocks. ‬

‪Building relationships with them is about recognizing value in what they value. ‬

[philipmott1]

There’s a misconception about #unschooling that I’d like to address. Children love practicing things that are interesting to them. And for a period of time, even worksheets are very interesting.

So...while we do entertain unlimited play, there are often times that our children seek out opportunities to do things like practicing letters, mathematics, phonics, and cleaning up.

The main difference is that these activities are not held in higher regard. They are just seen as natural expressions of curiosity into tasks that seem relevant.

Haven’t you ever noticed that sometimes children will do the most mundane things with a smile on their face?

[radicalanarchism]

[philipmott1]

Can _____________ come out and play?

In other words, “can I practice life with my friend?”

[philipmott1]

It’s not helpful to call a child unmotivated.

It’s a shortcut.

When adults stop there they rob themselves of the opportunity to learn what the underlying problem is.

[philipmott1]

There's a difference between a child being unmotivated and not being motivated to do what we want them to do.

I've never met an unmotivated child. A large majority are unmotivated by the same things adults are.

[philipmott1]

I’ve been on @philipmott1 on twitter for a while. If you like my stuff consider following me there!