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36 lessons from turning 36

I turned 36 recently.My dog Elvis turned 2 on the same day! (I was wondering why we’re best friends LOL)Here’s some of the lessons I’ve learned in the last year: You have to top up your heart, whatever does that for you, to keep showing up with an open heart. Otherwise, rejection, challenges, self-doubt etc. will all start shaping your journey rather than your own inner compass. Gap and the…

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conversational iq

Improving the quality of your relationships will improve your career. Relationships improve through the quality of your conversations. Conversations are also how companies create and embody culture (or not!). I’m reading Conversation Intelligence at the moment and it’s awesome. As a qualified personal trainer I know and value the impact of our physiology on our performance. With the leaders…

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overwhelmed...

Overwhelm can be solved. Stress building up can drain mental energy and clarity. Mental energy builds up when you don’t take action. Overwhelm follows. This adds more stress. It feels like a threat to your body. You go tunnel visioned only seeing the ‘threat’ and negatives. Literally your pupils dilate and you can’t see the full picture – image attached! When you can’t see the full…

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starting out as a coach - what i wish i knew then!

17 things I wish I knew when I started leadership coaching almost 9 years ago: 1. Learn the models, then learn to stretch and break them. GROW was helpful at the start. Now I just let go of those structures. 2. There is a line between coaching and counselling. This blurs over time as you get more comfortable. Get counselling so you can experience the difference and draw the line for…

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perfection doesn't exist

Perfect doesn’t exist. Yet we chase it relentlessly. When there’s no room for less than perfect, there’s no space for learning. When there’s no learning, is there any growth?! We push people to extremes and wonder why they leave. People are human. Even in nature, perfection doesn’t exist. The sooner we soften to this reality, the better for those we work with, care for and lead. Soften…

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the entropy hairball

The entropy hairball is why you feel overwhelmed. The definition for entropy is “the gradual decline into disorder.” I remember where I was in Dublin when I was struggling with work one day. My mentor and coach said to me ‘Just orbit the hairball, it’s not personal.” I had felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t make sense of the challenges I was facing. This advice…

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I don't know what I want but it's not this

I don’t know what I want but it’s not this. And it’s not painful enough to do something about…yet. Most of your attention will be on the things you don’t want. The car that isn’t the one you want. The job that feels like you’re playing small. The quality of your relationships. The business or career you know could be better. A story my mentor told me recently helps explain why you may be…

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when do you play?

Why you don’t play anymore! I noticed something interesting the other day with Ludi (my cat) and Elvis (my dog). When Elvis is around, Ludi doesn’t play. Ludi doesn’t play because she’s thinking about survival. Elvis is a threat to her. She’s afraid of Elvis chasing her. So this will also be true for you. Whenever there’s moments where you catch yourself not wanting to play or laugh or…

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have you the energy to grow?

Have you the energy for growth?! I was writing notes for a coaching client recently and it’s amazing some of the things that come up in these conversations. For example, this person is ready for a massive step up in their career to one of the most senior roles in the company. They want to make sure that life outside of work is not going to fall apart from this focus on work. So they want to…

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what advice would you give?

What advice would you give to someone performing at the highest levels but paralysed by fear? The person I sent this to was literally performing on the world stage a few years ago at the highest level and I’m lucky to be working with them. I sent this recently because despite their success, they feel so much fear. This fear is holding them back from making changes and growing. This is so…

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are you comfortable in uncertainty?

As a leader, your people look to you for certainty even when you aren’t certain. The antidote isn’t always to be more certain – that’s a sure path to doing the wrong thing quicker. Instead it’s flexibility and being able to change your mind. Learning quickly, unlearning quicker. Noticing what’s working and doing more of that. Noticing what’s not working and doing less of that. It seems…

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how fast are you walking?

Walking in nature with a client recently I noticed we had sped up our walking pace. It symbolises a lot of what’s going on around us. Everyone is speeding up. Rushing from one meeting to the other without going to the toilet in-between. No time to eat. No time to be human. We ignore our body’s request for rest. Distract ourselves from the tiredness with another coffee. Then wonder why we…

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loneliness

Let’s talk about loneliness. It’s too important to ignore. The statistics, and the feeling when you experience it, are worthy of our attention. “According to a survey conducted by the Mental Health Foundation, almost half of all people in the UK (45%) said they have felt lonely since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, while a similar proportion (44%) reported feeling lonely more often or…

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boundaries 101

Boundaries and why it’s helpful to set them – a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching. Leading & managing others, interacting with people & your work can be demanding. Without boundaries around your time, energy & attention it will start to disrupt your work-life balance. Without boundaries, you might commit to helping others, feel like you can’t say no and this leads to burnout. You might…

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sell yourself on your limitations or your potential

Are you selling yourself on your limitations or your potential? I spend a lot of my time working with my 1:1 clients and supporting them in their leadership and mindset. I also give a lot of my time pro bono to connect with and support other coaches, psychologists, personal trainers and business owners to achieve the results they want in their lives. I do this for a couple of reasons: – I…

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until it's painful enough, nothing will change

One of the leaders I’m working with took a year before reaching out for help. The discomfort had to become painful enough to do something. As a leader, it’s difficult. It’s even more difficult to ask for help and support. The more senior you get, the more alone you become. You can’t ask people for advice – you’re the leader! You’re meant to know all of the answers – right?! It can be hard…

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performing under pressure

If I needed to get control of my mindset ahead of an important presentation or high-pressure situation like an interview, there’s a counter-intuitive way to improve it and some tips you can use right away to get the benefit. To control your mindset, you must learn how to control your physiology. This is why my company is called Vitamin P: P stands for physiology (it also happens to stand for…

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