Van'del Lasmar Playlist
This is a playlist made about my character Van'del Lasmar. He is a young alchemist who is the main character of my book, Weighted fates, which has it's first 5 chapters up on the app Quibble right now.
I have been working on this character for about 4 years on and off, so most of these songs are centered on his backstory.
A Link to a Spotify version will be at the bottom
The Garden by The Crane Wives
—"My stone, my shield, my steady hand Hold your light to the darkness in my head Put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat Give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes"
My reasoning for picking this song for Van'del is because I see him as a character with an immense amount of skeletons in his closet who believes that he deserves persecution for what he has done. The thought of those secrets getting out is horrifying, but he believes when they do come out in due time he will deserve the stones that are thrown.
Hardest of Hearts by Florence and the Machine
-"There is love in your body but you can't get it out It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste"
This song is present on both Van'del's and Pelleas' playlists for different reasons. A common interpretation of this song is about two people who love each other but lack the means of expression and could end up breaking one another in the process. Van'del has never been given the tools to express love, never even given the space to do so. His parents passed away when he was quite young and he doesn't remember much of his life spent with them because of PTSD from being burned alive. He never had a role model to learn how to love, so when he is faced with those emotions beginning to creep in he doesn't know what to do with that emotion.
Heartbreak by Toby Fox
Heartbreak is a bit more complicated to explain why I added it considering I don't have lyrics to tie him back to. The beat of the song feels so strong and punchy, but melancholy. That emotion that Heartbreak brings up for me has always made me think of Van'del in his strength, but also his melancholy. There is so much sadness bottled up, just below the surface.
Flight of the Crows by Jhariah
-"So just let the thought of me die And please let mе know, let those old memoriеs go Feed me to the crows Please understand that I will find a brand new life My golden second try Suddenly, in the mirrors of the windows that night He found the man before him had died"
A theme of rebirth has constantly been on my mind when I created Van'del. I think of the phoenix, reborn from flame, or the act of leaving one life behind and making yourself into something new. Van'del is bound by his past and wants to break free of that which ties him down desperately. To leave everything behind was his one and only choice, a new life. A rebirth. This song harkens back to that imagery to me.
The Court of the Crimson King by King Crimson
-"I wait outside the pilgrim's door With insufficient schemes The black queen chants the funeral march The cracked brass bells will ring To summon back the fire witch To the court of the crimson king"
This song was one of my main inspirations around the time that I made Van'del specifically for his backstory. He is on 'the court of the crimson king', King Sacren of Moorufell. A king stained with red, having been the person to raid Eigilsor and kill many of the citizens nearly two decades ago, Van'del's parents among the fallen. He served under a dangerous force for so long, unable to remember what he had truly lost until so much time had passed. Revenge was his only retribution. A scheme was born the day he found his mothers old journal.
The Hand that Feeds by The Crane Wives
-"My papa taught me how to howl How to bare my teeth and growl He taught me that the hand that feeds Deserves to be bitten when it beats He taught me how to break my chains"
When Van'del began to have his childhood memories return to him he remembered the sacrifices that his parents made leaving the western empire of Chuàngzào. They worked tirelessly to provide for Van'del, but could never made ends meet in Eigilsor. It was a place where survival was the first priority, stuck in the middle of a forest and surrounded by the cold nearly year round. His father worked with a group of hunters, but he was miss treated. They didn't look like everyone else, they were different. His father at night would put him to bed and tell him what he wanted for Van'del, to aspire to so much more than what they could give him. He wanted Van'del to do great things with the intelligence he possessed.
Even after all that though Van'del grew up to be a dog working under a tyrant. When he remembered those lessons his father taught him by example he knew that something had to change.
Bad Bad Things by AJJ
-"So I looked into your eyes And I saw the reflection Of a coward that you and I both hate very much And then I grabbed a knife And I let the blood out of your throat"
This pick is very much about a revenge fantasy that Van'del has against King Sacren in his backstory. The song when I first heart it felt quite apt lyric wise, but I'm not particularly a fan of actually listening to it so I don't have as much to say about it.
The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld
-"Turning the page For the ghosts of tomorrow The friendless and weak Leave their blood on your hands Burning with rage Swimming in sorrow You won't be alone For your ghosts will be there"
Van'del carries such a heavy burden on him with his past. Between his parents and everything that happened in Moorufell he feels like there is so much blood on his hands. Even when he leaves, those memories and thoughts cling to him like wet fabric, unable to peel it away entirely and leave everything behind him. He carries their memory across the earth, weighed down by it all.
Army of Swans by Ask My Bull
Another instrumental song only. The instrumentation in this song feels like heavy wails, but it also holds so much anger with in it. It builds in intensity as it goes on and feels indicative of anger and violence to me. When I personally listen to it I feel like a knot is tying deep inside of me of emotions unspoken and I imagine that Van'del walks through each day of his life with that very feeling. Lying, keeping the past to himself, leaving so much behind, anger, betrayal, sadness, grief etc... So many things he has never been able to express. Van'del has never shattered under pressure, but the cracks are growing.
Corner Beat (Hair of the Dog) by Kiltro
-"You set the fire that burned all my thoughts I been waiting here Over the corner beat And all that you seem It sounds like a lie"
Fire symbolism, am I right? This is a more recent addition to the playlist so it is a bit harder for me to explain, but let's try anyways. This airy sounding lyrics and faded instrumental reminds me of time slowing down. I feel like when Van'del and Pelleas are together time slows to a crawl. They become the center of the universe even and everything revolves slowly around just them. Pelleas is someone who wears masks, he lies to everyone around him. Van'del sees this right away, he feels uneasy around Pelleas and doesn't trust him, not even understanding why so many people march to the tune of Emperor Pelleas without question. Regardless he is drawn in and his walls begin to crumble and come down.
Alone by Hana Vu
This is one of my favourite artists and I have a lot to say about this song in relation to Van'del and Pelleas, so bare with me.
-"Between my teeth, there's a bullet hole Made of fates I sew to memories"
The second line here is mostly what I am concerned with. Van'del is absolutely bound to fate. He knows there is a pattern of karmic luck in his life. It builds over years and years until everything comes crashing down and he has to build it up once more. These crashes are what defines him the most and he feels that he is always fated to watch everything crash and burn once more if things are steady for too long.
-"And in your hands there's a fireball Tethered to my soul, you're touching me"
This is more so about him and Pelleas. Pelleas is someone that pushes against Van'del, especially at first, trying to force him to crack under pressure and truly show what is underneath. They walk similar paths of inaction and stagnancy, one trying to break it (Van'del) and one comfortable with continuing on the way that he is (Pelleas). That is until Van'del comes into his life and he gains a whole new prospective. They are linked together deeper than just being in the same place and same time. Their is a link of thread that sews their souls to one another.
-"And though I cry, I won't ask you to Belong with me and now you won't"
This part is a bit more about Pelleas, but the second part is about Van'del.
-"And though I try, I'm still out to sea To eternity and know I float"
So- This is a bit spoilery for the end of the first book. If you are going to read, please skip if you would like to. Van'del's goal has always been to sail out in spring from the Bizon empire and return to his birth place. Things get so much more complicated when Pelleas comes into the image. An emperor who is so use to getting everything that he wants, but he can't have Van'del. At very least not in that moment. Pelleas begs Van'del to stay, to not leave him all alone here, but no matter how many tears he cries Van'del still will take his travel across the ocean with a heavy heart. They forge a promise to return to one another some day in the future, but there is no time given for their promise.
-"I know the world's a game, I've had enough And I'm just so afraid of ending up All alone Alone Again"
I know this is the Van'del playlist, but this line is totally about Pelleas to me. He lives life for pleasure, solely concerned with himself. Everything is a game and he feels like he can move others around like pawns. He keeps a distance from others and it is his undoing when it comes to Van'del. He can't play these games to get what he wants and he finally has to just face someone head on and be an active participant because he doesn't want to lose someone he has come to love and admire.
Anyways! Thank you for checking out my post if you did. As promised here is the link to the playlist. I will continuously update it and such. There will be a Youtube version in the future if there is any demand for it. If any of this has interested you I am an author that has just been accepted onto an anti AI reading app called Quibble. You can read my work for free. I am releasing 5 chapters per month!
