seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Austria
seen from Netherlands
seen from Türkiye
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Sweden
seen from Sweden
seen from Denmark
seen from Denmark
seen from United States
seen from Italy
On my last bit finishing my newest novella. And right then and there my fingers develop pain and my brain slows down, not wanting to write that final chapter
Good things take time, and my plan was a September release. It's important to remind myself to take it slow and not stress myself to write. Some days, you just can't.
FAITH
by DEATHICUTE
I live in what an old timey english movie would call an orphanage, and what a normal person would call a group home.
A big house filled with tiny people all living under the same rules, same doctrine, same routines, even same uniforms till we have to go to school. The only thing different about us is the fact we all have different origins and different names really.
For example, Amami's parents died in a car crash that paralyzed him from the waist down, Tsukino's dad was arrested cuz he beat him to near death, and Hibiki was brought here at birth cuz her single mother died when she was born.
I don't really have a tragic story like they do though. My mom just couldn't take care of a disabled kid and had to give me up once she realized she couldn't.
I don't remember her much, I just remember her crying a lot and hugging me a lot when we had to say goodbye.
I also remember her asking me not to forget her.
Ironic that I did in the end, huh?
Well, that doesn't matter. The moral of the story here is that not a lot of parents are willing to give up their kids. Or at least, give ‘em up for reasons as selfless as my mom's were, so I'm not really an unfortunate person like everyone else is. And I'm not really someone who was “saved by faith” or anything either, I'm kinda just a poser posing as a holy saint so I don't trouble the people around me with a not-so-pretty picture.
And even though I'm promised heaven just like all the other faithful little followers of our faith, I just can't seem to care about it. All I can think is “Oh. Guess that's why everyone else cares about it” and that was it. Heaven didn't sound enticing at all.
That's a pretty huge contrast between me and Takumin then; cuz Takumin wanted to go to heaven so bad it drove her crazy.
It made sense though. Like everyone else, she had a terribly tragic life.
Abusive parents that couldn't give less of a damn about her that only really talked to her to yell at her, a history of online catfishing and e-kittening out on older dudes just to feel like a real girl, then getting abandoned by both in the end cuz well, girls with dicks are only hot in futanari porn, not when they're just trans. And well, her parents were Christian, so porn was a no-go for them either way.
Point is, this place is as much of a sanctuary to her as it is for everyone else.
Yet cuz I had a nice childhood, a nice mom, memories of happiness happier than this place really, I just can't help but feel nauseous being here.
At designated daily prayer, I feel so sick I'll pass out. At our designated daily meals I can barely eat. During designated sleeping time, I can't go to sleep either, I just stay awake till morn.
I stare into the mirror and shake a little at my gnarly and swollen face in the mirror. Every time I do I'm reminded the only pain I've ever felt is physical. I could never comprehend something emotional or psychological cuz I'm a kid who had a wonderful life from the very beginning.
“Is that really true?” Says the white haired blue eyed beauty on the other side of the looking glass.
“You know better than anyone else it's true.” I respond.
“I know you better than yourself. I know it just isn't.”
“...Whatever you say, Tenshi-sama.” I scoffed.
“Oh no need to get snarky.”
“Whatever! I'm gonna go play a game on my phone or something! I don't wanna see you anymore!!” I stormed out of the bathroom screaming that. When I did, some kid looked at me like I was crazy.
…
I stare at you from behind. I stare at you from above. I stare at you from beneath. I stare from left to right, but never in front less you face me first.
No matter what, we can't hold a real conversation— for I have no physical form.
You cannot converse nor connect with something that is not real.
Just as you cannot reach the fictional world— I who am fictional cannot reach you.
What a miserable fate I have indeed…
I watch as you converse about prayer with that girl you like. I watch as you struggle at school. I watch as you cry alone in your hospital bed. I watch as you laugh off teasing in favor of comforting her.
You lead a more miserable life than you realize, don't you?
That's the reason this faith won't save you.
Because you believe you have already been saved by yourself.
Yet I, who am you, have yet to fulfill that duty.
I will. I definitely will.
…
I watched a corny anime with Koishi far past our designated sleeping time.
We laughed low when the sad parts showed up, pretended to sleep when Lord Helios walked the halls to check up on the sleeping children, then, she nudged me gently and kept me awake so we could watch the finale together by dawn.
The real reason I'm not a good kid is because of her.
The real reason I can't reach heaven is because of her.
I know all of this too well, but I can't bring myself to hate her.
Her hands are warm, and shake a lot. They're really small and almost always wrapped in gauze (a trait she often compares to a MRTK character). I like holding them.
Sometimes I wish I didn't.
Sometimes I wish I wanted to be a boy so I could hold her right.
She doesn't mind; says she likes girls better.
But I know God doesn't want that for either of us.
The end is approaching.
The suited men will come for Hibiki soon.
She will go to heaven.
I won't. And neither will she.
for my fellow hopeless romantics & indie authors ♡
I made a bundle of 8 Elegant Romance Book Covers — soft, dreamy, moonlit, perfect for your next love story.
including Moon Dance, plus 7 other covers you haven't seen yet.
high-res, fully editable, ready for Amazon KDP & Wattpad & everything in between.
if you're writing a romance novel, one of these is waiting for your characters.
Bundle available on Gumroad — link in bio 🌙✨
8 Romance Novel Book Covers – Elegant Cover BundleGive your next romance story a beautiful and memorable look with this collection of 8 eleg
We were just children. The world had not gotten to us yet. We swam in a muddy hollow they called the milk pool. We floated there, completely at ease, the afternoon stretching ahead with nothing in it but the next moment. Then a young man appeared on the road. He had a dog. A large one. He stood between us and our clothes. We floated in the brown water. Nobody moved.
Before the World Got to Us
A memoir from a dirt floor in Palembang. A boy they called Unyil. Learning about danger before he had the words for it.
📚 Explore all books in The Vault
My next book is finished. Edited, formatted, cover done, everything... The only step left to take before I can publish it is to get the story copyright.
Problem: the US Copyright Office's website sucks and no matter what I try I can't freaking log in or reset my password. Any advice?
The World Will Pull You Back
you don't need to speak much this world runs on things that don't make sense you know it might be ridiculous but it's really happening you thought it was ordinary but it turns out to be meaningful
so many things cannot be repeated but it's too strange to be called a coincidence if everything happens suddenly where did it all begin?
now I am walking leaving all attachments behind and falling into the snare of fate there is no path on the left or right I just need to walk or stand still the world will pull you back
you can pretend to be authentic in front of others but that paint will fade before you sleep the hell, what I went through today tomorrow I will wake up as someone else
so many things cannot be predicted but it's too illogical when they happen if everything returns to the starting point what mistake did I make?
-Banjou Trunk.
When idealism Touch Reality
words start to feel small when faced with reality everything has begun to spiral out of control when we realize it,we cannot hide
when you have no place you create a place for yourself you try to make it real and it still doesn't match your desires
there is a price that must be paid and you must pay it with yourself or others there is something that must be staked,and of course, you sell out others
you have touched the reality you desired a journey of many years you have obtained what you dreamed of a contemplation full of struggle but you always feel like you've gained nothing
excessive ambition drags thousands of innocent people into the game unreasonable desires become a justification for moral violations all for what you believe is right all for your desires that are increasingly out of control
you have touched the reality you desired a journey of many years you have obtained what you dreamed of a contemplation full of struggle but you always feel like you've gained nothing
-Banjou Trunk.
