As a top, what is your advice for bratty subs to make their brattiness fun for everyone?
Personally, my desire to brat seeks a number of things, essentially, receiving a witty, authoritative remark, earning a funishment, building up the intensity of an already ongoing punishment or prompt an explicit sign of who's actually in charge.
Also, bratting is just fun. There's so much wittiness involved, it allows for intellectual teasing, and it sparks "sex with words", as you once described kink. I don't think people realise how much they actually do it in their everyday lives. In my opinion, most funny and charismatic individuals are just well-timed brats.
Do you enjoy dealing with brats and, if so, do you consider yourself a good brat tamer?
Congratulations on your absolutely magnificent blog and thank you for sharing it with us.
Excellent questions. Thank you!
My best advice to any wannabe brat is to treat bratting as a kind of kinky improvisation - as a special kind of eroticised flirting that just happens to have a spanking at the end.
When playing any character, it helps to know your motivation. In this case, a brat should know her goal is not to evade her spanking, but to achieve it in the most memorable way.
Once a brat accepts her ultimate fate is to have a sore pink bum and her wetness dribbling between her legs, her challenge becomes: how do I make that happen in the most fun and exciting way I can?
The art of impro is keeping the energy of the scene high, so it flows effortlessly. The golden rule is to offer rather than block. Participants should be able to play off each others' responses, rather than be disagreeable or contrarian, as that saps the energy of the scene. Offering means giving your partner something to riff off, rather than trying to trump them with a comment that has no comebacks.
The brat's role in the scene is to offer their partner the opportunity to be stern and strict. Like you correctly point out, a brat should be witty and cheeky, since these provide a context for erotic escalation, and threats make brats wet. Such threats have nothing to do with intimidation and everything to do with giving the top the opportunity to give her the attention she craves.
A brat is still submissive by nature, just one who's bold enough to talk back. When threatened with a spanking when she gets home, a non-bratty sub might plead for mercy, or meekly acknowledge her fate, whilst a brat might tease: "I love it when you tickle my bottom with the hairbrush." See how that comment is playfully flirty, rather than a dead end like "Oh no you won't!".
Hence I agree entirely with your observation that funny and charismatic individuals are channelling their inner brat. The ability to be erotically creative and funny is a tremendously attractive trait, that's why brats are so alluring and energising.
So my definition of a good "brat tamer" is a top who keeps the flirty interactions going as long as possible. I would never be trying to shut her cheeky mouth, quite the contrary, I want her to keep being bratty until her panties are wet and messy, and she's absolutely desperate for me to pull them down and spank her bare bratty bottom.
you've given me instructions to ask you nicely about my so called "discipline punishment" i knock on your office door as i enter i do not realize that you have company.. I look at you with puppy eyes but you assume i would carry on with my assignment. " Sir.. please.. please spank me " I wait patiently you know i am embarrassed. What would you do sir?
Naughty girls often deny it, claiming it would be embarrassingly awful to be spanked in front of others, but I know that just thinking about a public spanking makes most girls squirmy and wet.
So I would be extremely pleased, and very proud of you, if you obediently asked for your spanking in front of others. Natually, I would facilitate your request.
I'd start by instructing you to take off your panties and hand them to me. I'd then pass them to my guests, so they can see for themselves what the mess that the prospect of a spanking inspires.
I'd ask them if they'd like to watch your spanking. Their curiosity piqued, there's little chance they'll want to leave.
Once you've removed and neatly folded up your skirt, I'd put you over my knee in such a way that my guests have an unobstructed view.
Then I'd demonstrate the techniques of a good spanking, where to smack, how hard, and the proper slow tempo with spaces between the spanks. I could also demonstrate different implements, and the kind of smacks they impart. I would draw attention to what effect smacks on the bum have on the intimate places in between.
Afterwards, I'd send you to the corner with your arms folded behind your back, and your rosy bottom on display. You can listen in on our conversation as we talk about the importance of strict discipline, and our favourite little bottom smacking rituals.
And I'm sure you'll also hear us all commending you for taking your spanking so well.
Tonight is another slvt training night. Sir got us a hotel for the night and I had to pack his toys up. This morning he told me to work out and that I would shower and dress for serving him once we arrived. He’s picked a leather skirt and a tie up leather vest for me to wear. When I get to the hotel, he’ll drop me off and I’ll prepare his toys, including myself, and the room.
When he gets there, I’ll be waiting on my knees with my eyes down for his inspection. below are Sir’s expectation for my full submission to him.
🗝️ Slut will use proper manners, always addressing her owner as Sir or Master.
🗝️ “No” and “stop” do not exist because slut is an object.
🗝️ Slut will wear her necklace or collar and whatever outfit Sir has chosen.
🗝️ Slut will never look Master in the eye without his guidance. Proper posture reminds her of her place.
🗝️ Master will initiate full submission by telling his slut to get ready to serve him. Slut will go to their room, strip, and wait for inspection and instruction.
🗝️ Slut will stay on all fours, unless instructed otherwise, including crawling.
I’m naked and tied next to him on the floor, drool dripping from my gagged mouth and onto my chest. The vibrator has been been pressed to my pussy for nearly an hour - switching off each time I near an orgasm.
He’s holding the vibrator remote, keeping me on the edge of an orgasm. Keeping me on the edge of tears. The edge of sanity.
I whine through the gag. My desperate eyes on him, looking for relief and searching for mercy in his face.
He doesn’t look up. He turns the page of his book and the vibrator switches back on.
Dom red flags: a checklist for less experienced submissives
This is written mostly for inexperienced subs who are seeking doms. I would also recomend less experienced doms read as well, I could have used a lot of this advice when I first got started. If you have a lot of S&M experience, you probably won't get much from this post. Feel free to add to it if you reblog. Full checklist under the cut.
Aftercare - Always mandatory. While it will look different from different people aftercare is still an essential part of a dynamic. If a dom has a problem with aftercare, either your version of it or the concept in general 🚩🚩🚩
Safe words - Always mandatory. Safe words are essential for both doms and subs. It’s valid to use them at any time for any reason. I suggest two safewords for every dynamic. A pause word and a stop word. Yellow and Red are pretty standard in many BDSM circles and they’re fantastic for explaining the concept of each. Yellow or Pause meaning take a breath, check in, and communicate. Red or Stop meaning immediately end the scene and provide aftercare. If the sub is gagged or otherwise speech impaired, a particular noise they can annunciate like “Nuh uh," snapping your fingers, or holding onto a loud object they can drop to create a distinct noise are fantastic alternatives. No one should ever be made to feel guilty for using a safeword. If a dom has a problem with safe words, punishes their sub for using it, or doesn’t immidiately stop when the safeword is used 🚩🚩🚩
Check-ins - Recommended. In any dynamic, the dom has a responsibility to make sure their sub is comfortable with the scene as it’s being carried out. Sometimes things can get intense, and if the sub is in subspace, they may not always be able to catch when something starts to overwhelm them. To avoid negative outcomes, I suggest regular check-ins. They can be as simple as “would you like another slap, baby?” or “how does that feel?" or as in-depth as a full pause of the scene. I recomend simple check ins for short scenes (under 10 minutes) and longer water breaks and full pauses during longer scenes. Check-ins are especially important for inexperienced subs and anyone exploring a new type of play. If you think check-ins sound like a good idea, then ask for them! And if your dom refuses 🚩🚩🚩
Boundaries - Always Mandatory. You and your dom both have a responsibility to communicate your boundaries with each other. You also have the responsibility not to cross each other’s boundaries intentionally. Ever. If a dom doesn’t listen to your boundaries, repeatedly crosses them, pushes you to do things you explicitly aren't okay with, or refuses to admit that you don’t like something 🚩🚩🚩
Adapting/Taking critism - Very important. No dynamic will be perfect from the start. Expectations and desires change over time, and even the deepest of connections will evolve. This means that consistant communication and feedback during the dynamic is essential. Bdsm is not about a dom molding a sub into whatever they want. It's about exploring mutually held desires. Both a dom and a sub need to be able to tweak their approaches to each other with time, listen to critisms from each other, and continously adapt as your perceptions of the dynamic change over time. If you have a 24/7 dynamic, I would recomend a regularly scheduled pause every day to talk about the dynamic, voice any critisms, and adjust accordingly. If a dom doesn't want to adjust their approach for you, or shift things in your dynamic based on what you want and like🚩🚩🚩
Punishments - the dynamics conceptualization of punishments should always be pre-negotiated. What is the purpose of punishments? Are they meant to be fun for both parties? Does the sub even want to be punished? Does the dom want to preform punishments? What activities are both parties okay with? If a dom refuses to take all this int account, or wants to give you punishments you dissgree with despite any out-of-dynamic protests🚩🚩🚩
General tips:
Trust your gut - If a situation feels wrong, back out. If someone feels off, or if something isn’t adding up, don't do it. If your gut tells you to run, run. Most BDSM carries inherent risk, if you aren't 100% sure you're willing to accept that risk, don't do it.
Don’t compromise on your boundaries. Ever. - If you feel uncomfortable doing something don’t do it. If a fantasy or scene seems like too much, refuse. There are plenty of doms out there, ignoring your feelings for one that makes you uncomfortable is never worth it.
Talk to others in the community - Please please please for the love of god talk to other subs. Talk to doms that aren’t interested in you. Talk with your dom’s other playmates. Talk with your friends who do kink. Other members of the community are an essential resource and act as a great bullshit detector if something doesn't seem right. Provide support to each other, be as open about your dynamic/potential partners as you comfortably can be. Listen to their feedback.
Sub drop/dom drop - Drops are completely normal during kink. I’ve had them, subs I’ve been with have had them, friends who participate in kink have had them. If you do kink, you’ll probably have a drop at some point, and that’s okay. Your dom should be someone who can comfort you during a drop, the same way you would comfort them if they have one. Your dom should be someone who can make you feel safe during a drop. They should be someone who is willing to comfort you and be there for you while you feel those feelings.
If you have questions about any of this please dm me or send me an ask.
Go to RopeBite.com to find casual/educational meetups, or make a Fetlife account and search for “[My City] Rope.” Classes, Munches or Skill Shares are a good place to start.
But I’m shyyyyyyyyyyyy
I can relate. But the bright side is, those events tend to be EXTREMELY newbie friendly. When I ran a monthly rope event, we probably had an average of 2-3 people per month who wandered in like “This is my first time….. so uhhhh….. how do I…. like…. do this?”
Trust me, at a place like Rope Bite, they’re used to that. Going without a partner is probably ok too; just be polite. More here, here, and here.
What Rope Should I Buy?
Here’s my short answer
Here’s a more comprehensive breakdown of different rope types
How much rope do I need to tie someone up?
3 to get someone tied up,
5 to really have some fun,
7 for most non-suspension applications.
How long should ropes be?
When in doubt, you sorta can’t go wrong with 25-26 feet (about 8 meters).
But, Your Ideal Length actually depends on a couple of things.
Also, different tying styles tend to prefer different lengths.
Personally, I prefer 23 feet for most of my ropes (Here’s why)
Can heavier people be suspended?
Totally. I’m personally like, moderately pudgy? I’ve been suspended on numerous occasions.
Learnings and Stuff
Video Tutorials an incomplete list of my favorites
All About Cutting Tools to keep handy when you tie someone up
Ropey Book Recommendations. and also this.
Photography Tutorials. First one. Second one. Also this.
Suspension Rigs / Anchor Points Breakdown
Nerve Safety
Upper Limb Nerve Safety: The Basics (by me)
Nerve Safety Breakdown (also by me)
Lower Limb Nerve Safety (presentation by me, with special help from @ropebaby)
Anatomy for Rope (youtube video by ipCookieMonster and friends)
Nerve Injury Reference Card (from Frozen Meursault; original source here)
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