LoneLover

I wanna make you laugh and feel

[fangirl-utopia]

SO. MUCH. TRUTH. 😂😂😂

[theoneandonlyrahvision]

LMFAOOOOOO

[soravagemecrazy]

This is about to be me tomorrow…I dread my hair appointments

[sahilistheway-deactivated201605]

[toastbutteregg]

[pikldberryz]

attractive person: looks don't matter!

me, an ugly: *can't make friends*, *can't get into relationships*, *is second choice for everything*, *can't get away with most outfits*, *can't take pictures featuring myself*, *has severe trust issues over anyone seemingly liking me* ok

[cortney-deactivated20161127]

[meanplastic]

[blairless]

have you ever had that feeling that you really wanna workout to get a flat stomach… but you also just wanna eat pizza and watch netflix.

[srsfunny]

[multimicah]

[the-absolute-best-posts]

Trying to follow in those footsteps I see you.

[sapphoshands]

…i love her?!?

[trainthief]

QUEEN OF BEING HUMAN 

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[bitchycode]

[weaksorry]

do u ever think about how much you’ve changed in the past 2 years and ur just like, thank god.

[square-enix]

is anyone else just going through life like “yeah i just gotta get past this last difficult week and then it’s smooth sailing from there!” but like… every week

[fkn-ruude]

I’m an observer. I stay quiet, lowkey, taking in everything I can. Stolen glances, facial expressions, the way our eyes can light up, or as if there’s a whole universe imbedded in them. I pay attention when you think no one is looking, that’s when you learn the most about someone. The little mannerisms that make everyone so unique. I’m fascinated by the way people interact with each other. How someone looks at the person they love when their talking about their day. How completely focused and consumed a person is when reading a good book. The way you can tell how much hardship the world has put someone through when they talk about pain. How trusting someone is by how much they share about themselves because they’ve never been hurt. I feel disconnected from most people I come across, and I’m a very good judge of character because of this. Every conversation I engage myself in you may think it’s just a normal talk, but I analyze every single aspect of it. I notice the little things that mean so much to me.

[renxiaoyao]

no 1 ever has a crush on me cause i got an abrasive personality and am a lil ugly but that’s ok cause those are my best qualities

[blackshuckofficial-deactivated2]

I may not have the best body but it sure does hold all my organs in place