Message in a Bottle
Word count: 1152
Genre: angst
Plot: Taehyung and Jungkook were the best of friends. Some might even argue they were more than friends, until one day it was just all over.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? For you, it’s just been a few months, but for me it feels like a lifetime has passed me by.
Everywhere I go I am reminded of you. If I look at the sun, I see your smile. If I look at the stars, I see your eyes. If I turn on the TV, I think of the many nights we spent curled up on the couch watching dramas. I can’t even look at ducks floating on the lake anymore, without hearing your voice cooing over their “fluffy butts.”
I miss you.
I miss your judgmental looks, and your one worded comebacks. I miss running my hands through your hair, or secretly trying to hold your hand when you weren’t paying attention. I miss holding you in my arms and never letting go. I miss texting you 24/7 about everything under the sun. I miss picking you up from work to get ice cream. I miss your complaining. I miss your indecisiveness, and how we would spend hours thinking of what to do. I miss your laugh that you were embarrassed of, but I always found so cute. I miss our late night pocky runs, and how you would tsk at me whenever I drank an energy drink. I miss running to you when I needed someone to vent to. But most of all I just miss being with you.
I guess it’s probably better this way; that we don’t talk anymore. We were just too different. Like oil and water; we could never truly mix together.
And here I thought opposites attract…
I blocked you everywhere because it only made it harder seeing you continue to move on, meanwhile I’m stuck thinking about the past. I couldn’t keep seeing your smiling face, doing completely okay without me, while I’m trying so hard not to fall apart.
I look back at some of my favorite memories and get so angry because you were there. I can’t even go 10 seconds without bringing you up again.
I hate you.
I hate you so much that it hurts.
Do you know how great it would feel to just say “fuck you,” right now?
But I could never mean it. Because I still care. Why can’t you?
The sad part is I would take you back, if only you still wanted me.
But I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep pretending we were okay. How could this work, if I was the only one trying?
I tried so hard to be someone you could like. I changed who I was for you, without ever asking for you to change. I loved you exactly the way you were, why couldn’t you love me?
And then I saw the way you treated your other friends better than you had ever treated me. Did our history mean nothing to you? But I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want me either.
I didn’t want it to end this way. In a perfect world we would still be friends. But this isn’t a perfect world.
I regret never telling you how I feel though.
I didn’t just love you.
I was in love with you.
Sure, it would never work. Our parents would never approve; difference is, I never listen to mine.
Remember all those times I jokingly proposed to you? While I couldn’t afford an actual wedding band, I did go out and buy you a ring. It was a cheap silver one with a cubic zirconia crystal in the center, but it would do until I could buy you a real one.
I still look at it from time to time, thinking about what could have been if I would have told you sooner.
Sometimes I would even keep it in my pocket when we were together, trying to build up the courage to ask you.
I wouldn’t ask you for your hand, that would be selfish since we have so many years to experience life, but rather a promise. When we were older, and if neither of us were married or taken at that time, then I would propose for real. In the meantime, I wanted to give you a ring as a reminder of how serious I was.
Part of me wants you to read this, and finally know the truth. The other part of me hopes you never find out.
I don’t know what I would do if you ever knew.
Would you care? Would you be angry? Maybe you would just think I’m disgusting.
You can’t hate me anymore than you already seem to. What have I got to lose?
I am so lonely without you around.
Sure, I have other friends, but they’re not you.
No one is you.
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry I wasn’t the one you wanted. But most of all I’m sorry for not telling you how I felt.
I hope you find someone who can treat you as well as I would.
Someone who cares for you, and makes you happy. Someone who you wouldn’t be ashamed to be with. Someone who loves you for who you are.
Because you are amazing in every single way.
And I hope that person will be there for you to wipe away the tears, and mend all your scars. Someone who you’ll tell all your insecurities too, and will make them disappear. Someone who will love every bit of you, and never let you go.
I hope you find someone who deserves you as much as you deserve them.
Love,
Your ex-best friend,
Taehyung.
—
I rolled up the note and slid it into the bottle, before replacing the cork on the end. I looked out across the waves at the rising sun and smiled. It was a new day. A new beginning. And maybe now I could finally move on.
As I jumped up off the ground, I wiped the sand from my shorts, and approached the surf. The sand was cool against my bare feet, and felt nice as it squished between my toes. I knelt down onto the wet sand. As the waves came in they brushed against my knees. It was freezing, but I wouldn’t be here long.
I looked at the bottle in my right hand and smiled.
“I love you, Jungkook,” I whispered, and as the waves drew back, they took my bottle with them.
