Yo-Ho-Ho and a bottle o' cheap whiskey

There be nothing better 'tan to loot and plunder upon the seven seas

[pankendev]

i got burnt too many times at the till realizing i left my money at home, so now i try to keep as many different modes of payment on me as i possibly can. i'm talking cards. i'm talking coins. i'm talking contactless. i'm talking collectibles. i'm talking favors. i'm talking precious minerals. i'm talking gemstones & jewelry. i'm talking scrip. i'm talking endangered species. i'm talking discontinued drugs. i'm talking priceless works of art. i'm talking moon rocks. i'm talking hot trading tips. i'm talking banned weaponry. i'm talking deeds to various plots of land. i'm talking treasure maps. i'm talking lost media. i'm talking fucked-up things in jars. i'm talking historical artifacts. i'm talking sacred relics. i'm talking state secrets. i'm talking passwords. i'm talking cursed statuettes. i'm talking private performances. i'm talking life-changing advice. i'm talking beanie babies. i'm talking first-born sons. i'm talking interesting seashells. i'm talking smooth stones with holes in them. and if all else fails i believe kindness and a smile can get you anything in life; & thievery

[malicious-screaming-sentinel]

instead of saying KYS loser we should say WTPYSD (walk the plank ye scurvy dog)

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

If only gold were t' float upon the water like a piece o' driftwood. Yarr, I might never have to go on land t'were that the case

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

Oh wait. Scurvy. Hmmmm.

If only orange trees were t' float upon the water's surface like kelp! Yarr, then I might never have t'go on land again

[anh3-donia]

insane goodwill pickup

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

If only gold were t' float upon the water like a piece o' driftwood. Yarr, I might never have to go on land t'were that the case

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

captain fleabeard, i just have to ask, has anybody made fun of your name before? i mean nothing by this but being called "fleabeard" doesn't seem like it'd strike fear in the hearts of your enemies like blackbeard does... although, to be fair, blackbeard is one of the most fearsome pirates and he lit fuses in his hat and beard to make himself look intimidating...

Ye ferget I be a pirate sailing th' seven seas. Those fleas are carriers of a whole slew o' nautical plagues! Gold fever, swashbuckler's flu, seagull pox, ye name it. It sure keeps others from gettin' too close during swordfights, i'll tell ye that!

[briarpatch-kids]

I desperately need y'all to see this scam bot I just got:

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

OUT OF ME WAY LANDLUBBER I'M GONNA GET SOME

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

WHO FORGOT TO SPIKE THE PUNCH BOWL

[gardenvarietydegenerate]

But Cap! I poured a 'ole bottle a rum in it!

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN RUM, YE SCURVY DOG!!! SOMEBODY'S BEEN HORNSWOGGLED AND FER ALL YER SAKES I HOPE IT T'WEREN'T ME!!!

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

WHO FORGOT TO SPIKE THE PUNCH BOWL

[gauntletqueen]

if you think about it, oranges are pro piracy

[dogpuppy]

[littleguysdaily]

This was a Patreon Request

[contemptible-scoundrel]

I straight up want to own a solid gold coin and a large gemstone this isnt a joke Im dead serious

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

Arr, why limit yeself to just one gold coin? Wish fer a whole chestful of 'em!!

[gooberdotnet]

All the captains in the club go YARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

Yarrrr!!!!

[cap-n-pants]

I BE HITTIN’ LAND FOR A RESTOCK OF SUPPLIES SOON

MY NIGHTMARE

I DO NOT HAVE ME LAND LEGS NOR DO I WANT THEM

[pirate-captain-fleabeard]

Whittle ye'self a new pair of land-legs

[scallywag-offical]

i reckoned where there be an X there be treasure. blimey, there just be twitter! curse the black tides, weve been plundered

[femdommunismforthemasses-deacti]

[cap-n-pants]

NO

[scurvy-joe-1783]

Rude?