i'm patient, you're learning
gator tillman x fem!reader
your boyfriend is so stuck in his ways and you're starting to feel insecure constantly begging for his attention, however an argument between the two of you makes Gator realise how much he doesn't want to lose you
contains: swearing, mentions of alcohol, gator being bad at feelings, angst with happy ending
part of the 200 follower celebration
**
You walked in the door that evening feeling utterly spent from the long day you’d had. Feet hurting and limbs aching, all you wanted to do was grab something to eat and sit down, switch your brain off for a little while. Having texted Gator earlier to grab some eggs, you were dreaming about a veggie omelette to make you forget about the bad day you’d had. It was all you’d been able to think about on the way home.
Stepping into the hallway, you found yourself almost tripping over a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes. Gator’s work shoes. He had a habit of leaving them lying around and despite how many times you’d asked him to tidy them away before you broke a leg, it seemed he was still falling back into old habits. Rolling your eyes, you picked them up and moved them out of the way, making your way through into the living room.
“Hey, pretty girl.” Gator greeted you from where he sat on the couch, beer in hand. Apparently he had already clocked off for the day. You gave him a tired smile.
“Hey.” You responded. Normally you’d be happier to see him, going over to cuddle up next to him and tell him about your day. The two of you had been together for a few months now, and Gator was slowly learning how to be in a serious relationship. There were aspects he was good at, being the deputy meant he always looked out for you and he loved the physical stuff, hand holding, kissing, those things came naturally.
But sometimes he had trouble actually listening to you and understanding your feelings. His whole life he’d been raised to never talk about anything deep, just brush it off and move on. Learning how to open himself up to this with you was hard, and you loved him so you were trying to be patient. But on days like this it was more difficult.
“You OK?” He asked as you walked into the kitchen, not paying him much attention. He’d gotten accustomed to having you in his arms at the end of the day, he found himself missing it when it was gone. “You seem mad?”
“I’m not mad.” You replied. “I’m just tired, I had a really long day at work.” Pouring yourself a glass of water, you sighed. “You left your boots in the hall again.”
“Ah shit, sorry. I forgot.” He said it like it was nothing, which only pissed you off. Trying to let it go, you wandered over and opened the fridge. “It doesn’t matter, I just want to get something to eat.” You scanned the shelves of the fridge. “Gator, where are the eggs?”
“What?” He called back, confusion etched in his voice.
“The eggs, Gator. I texted you earlier and asked you to grab some?”
His mind wandered back to earlier when he’d gotten your text and then got caught up in some work stuff. It had completely slipped his mind. “Fuck, I forgot, I’m sorry.”
The fridge door slammed shut. “Are you fucking kidding me, Gator?”
“It ain’t a big deal, I can run to the store and grab some.”
“That was the one thing I asked you for today.” You told him, marching back into the living room. “All I wanted was to come home and make an omelette, and you couldn’t do one simple thing.”
“I forgot, alright? Why are you makin’ such a big deal out of this?”
“Because I feel like that’s the only way to get you to listen!” You fired back. “Jesus, do I honestly have to beg you to do anything for me?”
Gator ran a hand over his face, clearly eager for this interaction to be over as quickly as possible. “I’m sorry, OK. I’ll get you some eggs. Fuck, you don’t need to take your bad day out on me, I’ve been busy as well.”
“Oh, yeah, you look positively weighed down with stress.” You said sarcastically, gesturing to the face he was still sitting on the couch. “Gator, I don’t think I can deal with this anymore.”
“What do ya mean?”
You shook your head, emotions bubbling over the top. “I need some space, OK. I can’t be here right now.”
“Wait.” He jumped up from the couch, fear settling into his face. “Are you breaking up with me? Over some eggs?”
“This is clearly not about the fucking eggs, Gator.”
His heart started hammering against his chest. Ten minutes ago he’d been looking forward to hugging you after a long day, now this was happening. “Just tell me what I did, please?”
“If you have to ask, then that’s the problem.” Your voice was quieter now still with a hint of annoyance. “I know this is all new to you, and I’m trying to give it time. But there’s only so much more I can take before I realise you’re never going to change. And I can’t keep doing this, it feels like you don’t care about my feelings at all.”
Gator was having a hard time processing all you were saying. He knew he wasn’t exactly boyfriend of the year, but he really did love you and he was trying to be a better man for you. Sometimes he fell short, but you’d never gone off on him like this before. Perhaps he’d stepped over the line this time, whether he meant to or not.
“You’re leavin?”
“I need some time to think things through.” You replied, grabbing your bag and heading for the door. Gator went to follow you, not quite knowing how to function in this house if you weren’t in it. “I’ll text you in a few days, just give me some space.”
“Fine, go. I’ll be just fine without ya.” He shouted after you as the door slammed shut. Those words could not have been further from the truth as the silence wrapped itself around him and he realised he was being faced with his biggest fear.
Being alone.
**
You’d been staying with one of your co-workers for the last week, not having spoken to Gator since the fight. For you, it was tough not seeing him for so long. But for Gator it was so much harder.
On the first day without you he’d let stubbornness consume, told himself he was just fine being by himself. But as the time stretched on, your absence gradually became too much for him to bear.
It was the little things he noticed. Waking up in the morning and not having you next to him, reaching out to pull you into him and finding only emptiness. Not finding a coffee waiting for him in the kitchen, not having anyone to hug at the end of the day and card your hands through his hair the way that made him melt. He even found himself missing you complaining about his boots, so much so that he subconsciously started tidying them away when he came in. He wished you were there to acknowledge it, but there was nothing but silence. Your absence was all-consuming.
Finally he began to understand. You loved him in all the ways that mattered and those little things that made up a relationship, those were the things that had never even occurred to him. It made sense to him now why you had been so upset, and it broke him.
He couldn’t take it any longer, which is how he found himself driving up to your co-workers house that evening, pulling up and knocking on the door. He hadn’t fully rehearsed what he was going to say, hoping that it would come to him when he saw you. Words had never come naturally to him, but for you he was always going to try his best.
The door opened and your co-worker stood there. As soon as she saw Gator there with his hands stuffed into his pockets sheepishly, she shook her head and folded her arms.
“What are you doing here?” Unlike most people in Stark County, she’d never been intimidated by the Tillman name, which is partly why you’d chosen to stay with her. She wouldn’t put up with any nonsense.
“Come on, please.” He pleaded with her, which was not something he did very often. He wanted to win you back the right way, not by using his power and influence in any way. “I know she’s here. I just want to talk to her.”
“I don’t think she wants to speak to you.”
He sighed. “Alright, I’ll get it. Can you just pass on a message from me then?” When she raised her eyebrows he took that as invitation to keep going.
“Just…tell her I’m really sorry. I know I said that a lot, but it’s the only thing I can think of. I was a shitty boyfriend, I never listened to her properly or how she was feelin’. I know I ain’t exactly a hero but I’m tryin’ to be a better man. She makes me want to be a better man.”
It was possibly the most honest thing he’d ever said, and thankfully you had been lingering behind the door, listening to every word. As soon as he had finished, you stepped out so he could see you. “Gator?”
Upon seeing you his entire face softened. “Baby?”
“I heard.” You nodded. “Everything.”
He couldn’t take it any longer. “Angel, I’m so-“
“Sorry?” You finished for him, but there was a smile playing on your lips. He nodded.
“Yeah, something like that.” He shuffled his feet. “I was a fucking idiot.”
“You were.” You agreed. “But I also said some things that weren’t very fair.”
“I thought I could do it without you, but I’m goin’ crazy on my own.” He admitted. “Please come home.”
You hesitated for a second, contemplating your next move. Your co-worker decided to give you some space, walking back into the house. “He seems sincere.” She whispered to you as she walked past. “Give him another chance.”
You folded your arms. "Are things going to change?"
Gator nodded. "I'll try every day. Please, it don't feel like home without you in it."
It wasn’t like you needed much convincing. You hurried out the door and threw your arms around him, Gator immediately wrapped you in a hug, burying his face into the crook of your neck. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“I missed you too, baby. I hate not being with you.”
“Me too, I swear I’ll never take you for granted again.” He promised. “Come home, please. I ain't much of a cook, but I'll try. I bought eggs.”
You chuckled into his chest, shoving him gently which made him laugh. “You’re a jerk.”
“Yeah, but I’m your jerk. Always, angel. I promise.”
**
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