piss piss piss rant rant rant

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

I know. I know it all, I'm completely aware of my behavior. It would be a different story if I didn't. But since I do it hurts more..knowing I'm letting an equally messed up meat sack of bones steal my shine..sometimes I figure it's ok to feel it. It's ok to entertain my fantasies. As long as I know they're just that. I don't think I'm asking for much..real emotion and vulnerability is free.99. but why would he give me that. I'm not his girl. I can say I deserve it all day, but do I?..one night. To myself. The days we were supposed to have, condensed into a single evening I don't think is too much. I don't even care if I'm wrong right now. Don't that feel nice, why should it end? I could've been him more than your friend, just say where and when, when to make a trip baby make a wish be the one I'm with should've could've would've been. I know it's an unhealthy obsession..I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I will stop but it'll hurt to. When...will it be

My

Time.

[sourcedumal]

Words never used to describe Black women:

Dainty

Delicate

Elegant

Poised

Fragile

Genteel

Graceful

Lets add those to our vocabulary on a regular basis, shall we?

[muckkles]

when everyone said u were rly smart and responsible as a kid but u havent rly made any improvements as a human being since

[acbeachcityfolk-blog]

if you tell someone ‘no’ and they respond with “FINE……….” or “guess ill be all alone….” or “its okay im used to having my hopes crushed…….” or any of that guilt-inducing passive aggressive fuckery, cut them straight out of your life because you never deserve to feel bad for setting boundaries or speaking your mind.

[blackgrlsaremagic]

[royallypeculiar]

5 blunts, 5 people, 1 little bathroom

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

Low key

Low key mad that every job you got you didn't have to work for. You got it through your dad or your boyfriend. You haven't done a thing all month but keep me up all night when I still have responsibilities then get mad when I'm on my last legs and can't do it anymore. In the years I've known you you haven't worked for a thing. Yet I still have to hold myself up. Who has me when my world is crumbling? Who has me when I'm alone? I am tired. Physically and mentally. I'm tired of seeing you manipulate and cry your way through life. You don't work, never have, but expected the same praise I get when I do work for everything I have.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

If I move out of state I can..

I can go to bed when I want without feeling guilty. I can home straight home and rest instead taking as long as possible to be out of the house to avoid interaction. I can sleep without wondering if I said something today to make you sad and threaten suicide. I can sleep knowing I don't have to hurry to get up and interact with you or else you're gonna cry and moan about how lonely you are. I can breathe without walking on eggshells. I can go a day without you rubbing your non existent relationship problems and not feel like shit. I can think without being scoffed at like an idiot. I can have feelings and not instantly be one upped to make said feelings seem small. I can worry about only my dishes, my clothes in the dryer, and who I have over will be only my business. Out of things to stress about, a friend should not be one of them.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

I hate her I need to get let away if I hit myself in the head I could really hurt myself, if I hit myself in the legs it won't really do much, i want to punch myself in the head. But concussions and broken jaws and..please get me away

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

I dont need a relationship to be happy. I know that. I dont need anyone, I can fend for myself. But its only human nature to look around, see everyone else have that, and wonder whats wrong with you that you dont have that. Again, I can be working on 10 projects, making moves, all on my own. I dont NEED anyone with me. But it gets lonely. I keep seeing my friends being all, "Yea weve been together for 50 years even though we're like 7 years old and we're going to get married, but we want to save up for a house first." Or as much as I hate wedding shows theyll be all, "I met my boyfriend Generic Chad in my second or third year of college and we've been together ever since!" And yes, maybe I just havent found the right person. Maybe God is putting all these shitty people in my life so when the right one comes, it's wonderful. Maybe he's saving me for something better than all of this. But it gets lonely. Yea I have friends, but sometimes friends just dont cut it, you cant do what you do with friends with a significant other. Im not saying I need someone for life to begin, my life will still go with or without a man/woman/significant other, but again with how things are its like, once you have that everything falls into place.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

What do i have to do? Drain my arms so we can finally be on the same level? Do i have to have some big dramatic outcry to get you to see me as a person, not a advice machine. Im tired. Im done. But noo.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

I BUSTED MY ASS TWICE AS HARD. EVERYONES PARTYING IN THE BACK. SITTING AROUND. HANGING OUT. NO ONE WANTED TO SWEEP, MOP, OR BUS TABLES. I DID IT. I DID ALL OF IT. I DID WORK THAT NO ONE ELSE DID. AND I GET FIRED FOR NOT BEING ENTHUSIASTIC ENOUGH. YES IM STILL MAD 10 MONTHS LATER. LIKE...I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. I CANT GET ANOTHER JOB. THIS RUINED ME AS FAR AS I KNOW. LIKE YES WHEN I GRADUATE I CAN GET A REAL JOB BUT WHAT TILL THEN?? I SUCK AT FOOD SERVICE, WHAT OTHER JOB IS GONNA HIRE A FIRED 19 YEAR OLD. NONE. WITH A COLLEGE SCHEDULE? NO ONE WANTS TO WORK AROUND A SCHOOL SCHEDULE. I JUST. WHY.I KNOW WHAT JOBS WANT. ENTHUSIASM. AND I CANT GIVE IT TO THEM. SO I GUESS IM TOO DUMB TO GET A JOB. I DONT DESERVE A JOB.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

BECAUSE I WASNT SMILEY ENOUGH. BECAUSE I DIDNT YELL AND SCREAM AND BE PEPPY. BECAUSE I WASNT FOLLOWING THE "SCRIPT" WHEN I CANT. I RATHER REPHRASE THAN STUTTER AND TAKE 20 MINUTES TO SAY 1 SENTENCE. BECAUSE "I WASNT LEARNING" I GOT FIRED BECAUSE I WASNT HAPPY ENOUGH. CAN I DIE YET? CAN I? NO ONE GETS FIRED FOR THAT. I JUST. CAN I DIE.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

I cant even cry about it. Just nothing will come out.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

You can comfort your dumb steven universe characters and not me? Its like you do more for them than for me. We will be in the middle of an argument and you just keep going with them. Accept you arent gonna be this big blogger and get over yourself. I run to michael because you arent there.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

I dont know. I mean since you step foot out of Alabama been nothing but lies, flip flopping, and secrets. No amount of over the phone half assed sorrys are going to cut it. Guess we have to wait.

[pisspisspissrantrantrant]

Im trying to be affectionate, trying to show i care, trying to fix the relationship and you're looking at steven universe.