make what you want to see in the world

hi im remy. this is my zone to neatly organize development updates! CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Rediscovering why I like video games

[pixel-pumpkins]

You don't gotta publish this or respond to it or whatever, and I'm being nitpicky as hell and I realize that - but a hard endeavor doesn't test your 'metal'. It tests your 'mettle'.

i don’t really mind, i wrote that thing at like 11:30 at night and i knew it was wrong but didn’t have the energy to look for the right answer. i don’t think i’ll forget it now tho, thank you

[pixel-pumpkins]

6 games this year alone - post mortem

At the beginning of this year I made a plan to make 6 games in 2019, one being released every two months. My initial idea was that I use the first month to plan everything, and then use the second month to make everything, with the release happening on the last day of the second month.

I released two games this year under varying levels of success of hitting those deadlines: Saltwater Shells and Reach Out (and grab a hold of your goals). I was beginning to work on a Yume Nikki fangame for YNFG Jam, but I never finished it beyond a few early areas and messing with the tile design and minor animations.

The goal of this plan was to release more games than I had released in 2018, which was a grand ol total of 3. I was hoping, with giving myself deadlines that were not just like a week long jam, having 2 months would let me create something that was a little bit more thought out and well articulated.

Such is the nature of game design that I don’t think I really hit my goals all that much. I’m still happy with what I made to a certain extent, but the extraneous issues with the games and their release are what I think I need to work on.

Going chronologically, Saltwater Shells really tested my metal in the best of ways, and I’m pretty happy with a lot of it. I think I was overly ambitious but almost everything I set out to do is in that game. The only things that got cut was additional NPCs that you would’ve been able to interact with and give a little bit more narrative to the action of collecting sea shells. I think the game works without it, but that’s mostly everything I cut out from that game.

The release of Saltwater Shells was delayed by 10 days. A large bulk of the asset work for Saltwater Shells was done before then actually, it was just the final code that I was working on that needed to be in place so, you know, the game was actually playable. Also around that time was when I left my previous job and started at my new one. I had initially planned to be done with the game earlier since I was going to have a week off between jobs, but then it turned into just a weekend between jobs. I had to travel to Wisconsin, got a really terrible cold the day I traveled, and then travel back over the course of 3 days. I was still sick at my new job when I started it too and it was a lot of things to juggle really quickly and I still wasn’t done with the game.

Saltwater Shells still released though. I’m really happy about that. But the deadlines ended up being something that I kept having problems with. This ends up being a recurring issue, if you could believe it.

The second game was Reach Out (and grab ahold of your goals). I planned it from the start to be a crane game style game, and maybe a little bit more depressing in terms of your inability to accomplish life necessary things due to executive dysfunction or what have you. I also tried using Construct3 for the first time. So it was a learning curve of getting used to a new engine, as well as trying to pull off my plan. I used Construct3 because I really hate coding guys. Like I really hate it. I will code because I have to and I have the skills to do it, but if there’s one thing I would love to not do for the rest of my life, it would be coding. I experimented with trying to use a couple of other engines for this game, but what appeals to me about Construct was it’s pretty painless 2D physics, something that really trips me up in Unity constantly.

Being able to make a crane game was really rewarding, but really difficult turns out. This game ended up being delayed by 10 days from its original April 30th planned release date. I was really hoping to be able to get the game out on time this time, but I got sick again, and the physics method I was using was literally breaking everything or made the game unplayable.

The way Reach Out looks now is cut down significantly from where it originally stood. There was going to be at least 5 more levels and different goals per level of the crane game. There was also going to be a better method of gamifying your energy score vs. what it exists as now. I just ran out of time again.

I didn’t make any other games after that. My Yume Nikki fangame was going somewhere, but I got occupied with playing a lot of dungeons and dragons, and even wrote my own campaign. I didn’t get very far, but I liked what I had made but my energy to make games was waning after Reach Out.

I don’t like Reach Out as a game. I like the crane game part of it, because I love crane games. But it just serves as a grim reminder of my own inability to take care of myself, ironically, something the game tries to promote. My mental health went to hell before Reach Out came out and I don’t know if I’ve really recovered from the headspace I put myself in trying to finish that game. I really hurt myself mentally and physically trying to produce something that I knew was the antithesis of the product I was creating. I hate lying and dishonesty more than anything and I was being entirely dishonest with myself and my audience putting it out there under the conditions it was created in.

Promises and deadlines are the enemy to my success I think in a lot of ways. I really hate putting deadlines on things, for some reason time sensitive activities have always driven my anxiety up a wall that paralyze me. “How did you survive school?” a lot of procrastination and likewise bad mental health places. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and I think self-imposed deadlines hurt me much more than those others assign to me.

Knowing myself and my limits, I don’t want to think that this project was some kind of self flagellation, trying to push myself into a bad crunch corner that games so often perpetuate just to meet a deadline. I did QA for games, and crunch fucking sucks. I do QA for a photography company now, and crunch still fucking sucks.

The worst part about all of this is that I've been trying to write more scripts for games, I’ve been trying to learn how to use ren’py and some other game engines I’ve come across. I want to make games because I still really love them, but there’s like some kind of negative spike in the back of my head that doesn’t want me to make another game right now.

I’ve been taking a break the past couple of months from feeling pressured to create something, I have been chilling, drawing stuff for dnd, reading sherlock holmes stories, and watching a lot of youtube videos. I’m trying not to think about it and let myself recover from… some kind of hell I created for myself.

This post-mortem kind of sucks because all it really shows is that I learned I can’t beat myself and should try to work within my limits. I think that’s valuable but I really want to make a game right now. Anyway, I’m writing it also as a way to explain what’s been going on in my head lately surrounding making games. Games are fun and I’m glad you guys all like the weird ones I’ve made. I hope when I post a new one you all will enjoy it.

thanks for being here. I’ll be back when I’m ready.

[pixel-pumpkins]

I’ve been playing a lot of dnd lately, and now I’m dming my own campaign set in the Underdark. It’s been a lot of fun so far and I’ve drawn a lot of character art for it. It’s been a lot of fun!

[straydogdev]

my submission for the 2019 yume nikki game jam is late but here! it’s based on a bunch of ideas i’ve had floating around in my head for awhile. i hope you enjoy it! i admittedly ran into some issues near the end, so it only has 3 effects and a total of 7 worlds.

you can download ‘mea culpa’ here!

[straydogdev]

SO i just implimented a major bug fix for the missing files! i’m so sorry it was not playable at launch, but now it is playable and also has some other minor bug fixes.

[pixel-pumpkins]

tldr: i think i need time to practice and play a bit instead of producing content. games are going on hiatus for right now. i appreciate all the support you’ve given me and this blog won’t go totally inactive, but there will be considerably less game stuff and stuff im working on on my schedule rather than the harsh deadlines i set up

the plan “make 6 games this year alone (or die trying)” certainly failed today, but there’s still half a year left so anything can happen.

i certainly don’t have a game that’s ready to be released tomorrow. Nowhere near close. I think these past two months I wasn’t particularly motivated to work on a game jam game, now that I have time to pursue hobbies that I don’t have to fit in that one hour i have left in the day for myself because of work and other things. Going from working massive overtime to just regular fulltime is a weird feeling like I have too much time but still not enough time because I can try to pursue so much.

The full and straight of the matter is right now making games isn’t what i’m passionate about at the moment. It’s hard to make you work on something that you’re not passionate about, and as a person that makes all games by myself, i realized that my skills in art, writing, and design overall were maybe faltering a bit as i rushed to produce something that i felt i needed to.

too many deadlines have come up that have paralyzed me from working on stuff i want to and stuff i need to, both inside and outside of my professional and hobby life.

so i guess for the moment, games are on hiatus. I’ll still use this blog to post illustrations i’m working on and other things since I still love interacting with you all and making content we all can enjoy, it just not be totally games. A friend convinced me to try look at how ren’py works so I’m gonna try it out.

i refuse to go quietly into the night, and i’ll still be here running around and playing games and looking at stuff. i want to find what im passionate about and follow it, regardless of what that is. if you want to be around for the ride, thank you and if you don’t, i understand completely. there are other creators out there making more and doing more you can probably find and enjoy too. i’ll just keep doing my thing here and trying to do much of the same.

thank you for reading!

[pixel-pumpkins]

my current progress so far with my yume nikki dream diary jam entry! I had a really good idea I wanted to try out this weekend and managed to make something semi-playable!

I don’t have a title for my game yet, just a working one I’m not super pleased with yet. I have a lot of work to do yet, but I’m really happy with it so far.

[pixel-pumpkins]

Hello! I’ve been busy starting some new projects and doing a lot of writing for some things, which is why I haven’t been working on much games as of late. But with a nice coincidence, the next release date for my next game coincides with the end of the yume nikki fangame game jam! So I will be working on that until the end of June.

It’ll be fun to make a YN fangame again. I never really finished Onohi since I don’t think I really had a clear vision of what I wanted to do, so I’m going to put a lot more planning into this one this time around.

Time to relax this long weekend and then get to working!

[pixel-pumpkins]

My crane game “Reach Out (and grab a hold of your goals)” is finally available to play! It’s been a journey trying to learn how to use Construct 3 for the first time, and there are still things in this game that suffer from my inexperience, but I’m still pleased with the result.

“Sometimes you live with executive dysfunction, sometimes you're depressed, sometimes you're anxious, sometimes it's just really hard to live like a person! Maybe rather than seeing it like a challenge, imagine yourself reaching out to your goals, grabbing them, and putting them in a place where you can do something about it.”

This is the second game in my project to release 6 games this year, the first being Saltwater Shells.

~~~Play it now on itch.io!~~~

[pixel-pumpkins]

update

Well, the combo of being sick all weekend and this new functionality has limited my ability to come out with a finished product. The thing about pushing deadlines is the next will always be closer and it’s a struggle to catch up. So, my new game will release May 10th instead! Please look out for it.

Sorry for the lack of updates, I’m trying to be diligent about working on games but a lot of stuff has my attention right now. Thank you all for staying with me and playing my games, I really appreciate it!

[pixel-pumpkins]

the end of this month came up earlier than expected on me, and like around the end of February, I got sick again (thanks terrible hay fever)!! I’m really just getting it around my planned release dates huh.

I’m struggling to add in some last minute functionality, and I can’t predict how long it’ll take me to finish it. Right now, everything I have with crane game functions correctly, but I have to pull in and organize all of my assets yet. I didn’t plan this out that well haha.

By April 30th there’s either gonna be a new game out there or a new release date, so look forward to either!

These images are me attempting to develop some kind of environment area and it’s progression. I like working with voxels.

[pixel-pumpkins]

Hello all! Saltwater shells now has a Chinese translation available to play! It was translated by Rabbitongames, who translated Haunted Corny Maize into Chinese as well. Please enjoy this new version of the game!

[pixel-pumpkins]

Here’s the current look of the crane game! way ahead of where I was last month but still a long ways to go.

[pixel-pumpkins]

Hi I’ve been trying to make my crane game for this month, but physics are really hard. So enjoy some Kemono Friends fan art I did.

sorry for no real game update, but I am also not using an rpg maker engine so it’s learning a lot of different things. Date for release is still planned for April 30th!

[pixel-pumpkins]

am i trying to make a crane game?

maybe.

[pixel-pumpkins]

~~~Saltwater Shells releases today!~~~

The first game in a project to release 6 games in 2019 with a game released every two months.

Play as Loke, a small kid from a small island helping your mom collect shells for the decorations in the upcoming town festival. Collect shells, a pogo stick, and other items to help you get as many shells as you can! Explore the island and talk to everyone, they’ll help you reach that perfect score!

There’s a special bonus if you get a perfect score too!

Play here on itch.io, downloads available for Windows, Mac, and Linux!

[pixel-pumpkins]

check it out!!

[pixel-pumpkins]

~~~Saltwater Shells releases today!~~~

The first game in a project to release 6 games in 2019 with a game released every two months.

Play as Loke, a small kid from a small island helping your mom collect shells for the decorations in the upcoming town festival. Collect shells, a pogo stick, and other items to help you get as many shells as you can! Explore the island and talk to everyone, they'll help you reach that perfect score!

There’s a special bonus if you get a perfect score too!

Play here on itch.io, downloads available for Windows, Mac, and Linux!

[pixel-pumpkins]

Update about the first game i’m releasing this year:

So if you’ve been following me, you know that I have a plan to release 6 games this year, with the first one being due literally tomorrow. unfortunately due to a lot of life stuff and illness i’ve had to deal with the past few weeks it will not be done by tomorrow, however I am in a good enough position with my game that I will be releasing it March 5th instead. I’ve had to cut back on a large part of the scope of the game already but there are some parts I just don’t want to lose and some aren’t ready yet. So please look forward to the release of Saltwater Shells on March 5th!

(yknow i kinda boned myself trying to release a game at the end of a month that doesn’t have even 30 days oh well)

[pixel-pumpkins]

LIFE THREW ME MORE CURVEBALLS AND NOW I HAVE A COLD!! THE PERFECT STORM OF UTTER MADNESS!

The release of this game is instead going to be March 10th. I promise the game will release this day, this will be the last date change for this release and then I’ll jump into the next title promptly. I apologize if you all have been looking forward to this tomorrow, but I need to drive across an entire US state and down enough vitamin C to kill a man.

Enjoy your week my friends, I’ll try to heal up.