I was going to pop in here and give the ol' "I want to revive this blog" but honestly... it's a bit painful to be here: there's a lot of trauma on this blog, and I'd like to restart with a professional/personal blog that's more fitting to me.
So I'll leave this here as an archive, but... I'll be restarting on Tumblr under a fresh blog. Look out for a link if you want to follow me there!
I was going to pop in here and give the ol' "I want to revive this blog" but honestly... it's a bit painful to be here: there's a lot of trauma on this blog, and I'd like to restart with a professional/personal blog that's more fitting to me.
So I'll leave this here as an archive, but... I'll be restarting on Tumblr under a fresh blog. Look out for a link if you want to follow me there!
Last night was a... difficult night for me, so this morning, I'm giving myself the grace of creating an IKEA wishlist specifically for my move because I have a right to be happy about my life changes.
My parent and I were going to order food because we have no stove to cook with, and she "jokingly" asked me if I was going to pay her back. Except... it definitely didn't sound like a joke, despite the fact that I've been paying for a lot of things over the past month. When I said that I'd just put it on my card, she got mad, told me off, and fumed, but not before reminding me that "she never knows when she's going to offend me", which has quickly become apparent to me that what she really means is "I don't like that you don't behave in a pleasant way when I want you to even though you're an adult."
Definitely another reason why I need to move sooner than later.
(Also, she kept pressing her feet against my leg, despite knowing that my OCD -which is at its worst because pandemic- is really bad these days and that I find feet particularly gross and hard to deal with. Guess she doesn't have enough bandwidth to remember that though, so shame on me: I should have been more agreeable.)
Didn't get the quality sleep I needed, largely because my parent decided that 3:30 a.m. was a great time to turn on all the lights and get on the computer... you know, despite me asking her multiple times to be mindful of that since I'm not allowed to close my bedroom door AND because it interrupts my sleep, which is extra hard since I can't take naps anymore.
I swear, it feels like she's been sabotaging me every since I got my new job because A) I'm not driving her to work anymore or running errands because... I have a job finally and B) because I'm technically making more than her, an uncomfortable fact that she made uncomfortably clear when I first got this job.
Whatever it is, I wish she'd move through it because I hate feeling this way. I'm already chronically ill and deal with somewhat severe chronic fatigue: all I ask is that she respect the fact that I don't have a job that starts at 6:15, and let me have a lick of independence.
In positive news, I made a bank account that only I know about, and while I'm terrified of my parent finding out, I think it was my only option since removing their name from my account is a fight that I just can't bring myself to pick.
I don't know if I'll ever privately forgive my mother for forcing my hand in moving with her and trying to plan my own future when I'll be thirty next year. How can I when she refuses to let me have any independence or privacy past what she deems "okay" and "acceptable" by her own metric?
What I do know is that I won't be turning thirty in the state of Texas or in a residence I share with her. I'm going to do every single thing within my power to make sure that I'm in a different state by no later than May 2022, and really, if I can make it happen before then, then I will.
My girlfriend finished up an interview with a pretty cool company, and honestly, I saw how many people were cheering her on her tweets and teared up. I'm so thankful so many people care about them: she's a great person and just a grade-a human who deserves all the chances and stability.
The simple fact that my mother conveniently "forgot" that I was at work (on my fifth day at that) when she had me move a bunch of furniture, got irritate when I indicate that she'd dragged me away for an hour from my very new job, and then was like, "Could you do some stuff for me?" is a solid reminder that she doesn't really respect my work, doesn't care about my time, and probably won't until I'm long gone and she can't just call on me.
Definitely going to be relocating in February/March 2022, maybe April 2022, but... not going to be living at home much longer. I'd relocate earlier if I could, but it's the end of the year, and a Winter move on my lungs would not be kind, especially with the pandemic changing a bit.
Still: late Winter/early Spring 2022? We'll be out of Texas for sure.
So, I said I'd be returning here and then I kind of dissappeared for five weeks. Why? Well, it's because I wrapped on a visual novel, released a visual novel (I was a co-editor on two routes), and... got a full-time job!
If you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that I turned to freelancing in October 2020 as a way of making a means to an end. However, I'd been on the hunt for gainful employment since I arrived back in America. Now, last year wasn't necessarily the right time for it, nor was the beginning of this year: I was in an ultimately quite destructive relationship that... wasn't healthy for either of us, but definitely was emotionally manipulative and essentially trapped me in a bad place. Once that was over, I loo
Japan is... definitely not happening, and honestly, I don't lament that. If anything, I'm glad to close that chapter. When I decided that I'd return to Japan, it was because I was hurt: my ex had basically convinced/guilted me back to America, leaving me without any security, no insurance or safety nets, and then... expected me to just move on from my time abroad. I made my choice to return to get back autonomy that was stolen, essentially.
But now, as I sit here writing on a crisp, late autumn day, I'm realizing this: I got it back by leaving and deciding to live for myself. That's what led to my new relationship, to doing video games and manga and light novels, to finding myself and really, really coming to like myself again.
And now, after about 495 days since I ended my full-time work as an ALT in Japan, I've got full-time employment in a field I love (localization) with people who respect me and really, really are excited to have me around. It's... well, great feels like such a minor word: it's life-changing, empowering, wondrous and wonderful. It's the exact kind of work I want to do, the exact kind of work I've been working towards doing.
And it's mine: it's mind, and I get to shape the life I want. (Which will include a relocation to the PNW, but... that's for like, sometime in March next year.)
I won't formally announce my job anywhere until January 2022, once my name is in some stuff and I'm fully settled in. What I'll say is this: I'm now a light novel editor in a (blessedly) work from anywhere, full-time position that's a dream. I get to setup wherever, get to work wherever, get to be a part of a team in a way that supports my chronic illness, chronic pain, and just my needs in general.
It's been... a long year: like so many, I've suffered a lot of loss, had to grieve, and have just had a time of it. Getting to go out on a high note really feels like the icing on my proverbial cake, and I'm just... so thankful.
If you're still in the lurch this year, I hope something this powerful comes your way. Goodness knows we've all been through it in 2021: here's to better days as we continue to thoughtfully move through the pandemic.
For now... wishing you the best of days y'all. Keep on keepin' on.
On October 16, I decided to do something I’ve wanted to for years: I cut off most of my hair and decide to fully lean into my cottagecore-meets-soft butch librarian vibes once and for all! And then, like a real millenial, I made my first TikTok to celebrate!
(Credit absolutely goes to my girlfriend for gassing me up about doing this without know it!)
So, what I mean is this is going to become a personal blog because... well, life has changed so much, and yet I’m doing fairly well, and I wanna start cataloguing that all over again.
It's been a strange year, hasn't it? (I think that might be an understatement.)
Thankfully, there's food too be shared, even if it's under different conditions.
There's still a good amount of 2020 left: I'm going to do my best to make it the best thirty-six days I can.
For now... relaxation. After all, it’s not a holiday without relaxation! (Also, AC: New Horizons calls me!)
Fourth Yuri Manga Sousenkyo: Fans Vote for the Best Yuri Manga
Yuri Navi, the Japanese site dedicated to Yuri news and commentary, announced the results from its fourth annual Yuri Manga Sousenkyo. The Yuri Manga Sousenkyo is a popularity poll held every year on Yuri Navi where Japanese Yuri fans could vote for up to three of their favorite Yuri series (as opposed to the five from previous years). Voting began on August 15 and ended on the 23. Because of the difference in Yuri works published and promoted overseas, only those living in Japan were eligible to vote. In total, over 3700 votes were cast.
The top thirty results from the fourth Yuri Manga Sousenkyo are below. Titles that have been published in English or that are set to be adapted into English are noted with the Publisher. Click on licensed titles to be navigated to an English storefront. Legally buying manga helps support publishers and creators.
30. Our Wonderful Days - By Kei Hamuro - 55 votes - Licensed Seven Seas
29. Warikitta Kankei Desukara - By FLOWERCHILD - 56 votes
28. Hello Melancholic! - By Oosawa Yayoi - 59 votes
27. Failed Princesses - By Ajiichi - 71 - Licensed by Seven Seas
26. If I Could Reach You - By tMnR - 84 votes - Licensed by Kodansha Comics
25. Teijin ni Agaretara - By Inui Ayu - 85 votes
24. Still Sick - By Akashi - 86 votes - Licensed by Tokyopop
