Enemies Like These

(Who needs friends?)

[pk-writes]

When I debate plot points I always pick the option that is either the funniest or the most painful. This is probably why everything I write turns out so goddamn weird.

[pk-writes]

I said I was eventually gonna finish the fucking space opera and then I finished the fucking space opera.

SKIPSPACE goes live December 1.

(and in what I am calling a brilliant marketing move instead of a failure to realize paperback and kindle editions don't link release dates, you can already get a paperback. A Special Edition even, considering it'll have THE FUCKING SPACE OPERA in the headers for at least the next week or two...)

[pk-writes]

For real launch. Get exited.

[pk-writes]

I said I was eventually gonna finish the fucking space opera and then I finished the fucking space opera.

SKIPSPACE goes live December 1.

(and in what I am calling a brilliant marketing move instead of a failure to realize paperback and kindle editions don't link release dates, you can already get a paperback. A Special Edition even, considering it'll have THE FUCKING SPACE OPERA in the headers for at least the next week or two...)

[pk-writes]

Guys, I reread last year’s nano project and while it’s a trainwreck at the moment, everything about it cracks me up. This is a thing I think I’m gonna edit. I mean, just look at the titles for this thing:

BLASPHEMY! Part 1: Mayday, Mayday Part 2: That Savage Asshole Part 3: A Certified Shithead Part 4: Actual, Literal Demons

God knows if anyone would ever want to buy this, but I haven’t been this excited about polishing up a story since That One Plate of Breadsticks where I outlined to El just how badly Walk a Mile was gonna go.

[last01standing]

So I started a blog.

It was theoretically gonna be about writing stuff.

Turns out, it’s probably gonna be about the shit show of a house I bought last year.

Part 1: In Which I Buy a Fixer-Upper Part 2: In Which I Explain the Closet Toilet

(So many more to come.)

[pk-writes]

Visit Original Link

Another brief (like sub two minutes) excerpt from the Fucking Space Opera because I hit record during my read out loud editing pass. No context because I’m mysterious like that.

[pk-writes]

1st pass: 50433 words. 2nd pass: 24,418 words. 3rd pass: 17,503 words. (ugh, just over 500 left to hack away. Now it gets hard.)

[pk-writes]

Visit Original Link

The last step in my editing process tends to be a read-it-out-loud pass. I got the crazy idea to turn on a microphone during a piece of it. 

So here, have a brief no-context excerpt from somewhere in the middle of the fucking space opera. (Edited roughly to remove the pauses from when I found typos.)

[pk-writes]

Okay, so the fucking space opera was written as a personal challenge to myself for writing in a genre that I do not particularly like. And it wound up being more of an adventure story in space, but that’s cool.

I feel like the next project may wind up being a similar challenge because high fantasy DOESN’T HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH CONMEN.

[pk-writes]

51783

(the end)

[pk-writes]

Trying out a thing. Readercoin is a platform that host free indie and public domain audiobooks. If you ever had the urge to listen to an author-narrated Enemies Like These you can now do so using the readercoin app.

[pk-writes]

“Fuck knows how anyone ends up in Hell,” the voice says. “I’m not a bad person. I mean, I did kill someone if you want to get completely technical, but the bastard totally deserved it and from the other people down here, I’m pretty sure an eye for an eye is okay. Working theory is I’m down here because I’m a lesbian.” “What?” “I know, right? God might be a homophobic asshole, but I think they're pretty equal opportunity. There’s literally someone else down here for eating pork.”

Blasphemy! (nano2018, day 4)

[pk-writes]

Cracked 10K for nano today.

Then I went and bought an axe.

[erkhyan]

[pk-writes]

So at the moment, my nano project for 2018 is going to be titled ‘BLASPHEMY!’ (Yes, including punctuation), and will involve.

1. Someone phoning out of actual hell. 2. A quest to kill God.

I’m pretty sure God’s some seven year old in the playground frying ants with a magnifying glass.

3. Weird as shit names for everyone, because why not:

Our MC/POV character is Mayday ‘May’ Melee. She’s a CSI who primarily works meth labs. She’s gonna get blown up a little in the opening scene.

The other MC is Asshole Savage (Pronounced ‘Ash-o-lee’, she goes by Ash.) Her parents did not want children. Ash is a PI.

Ash’s brother, Shithead (Shith-ee-ad) Savage. Goes by Shith. In the currently outline, he is the bad guy.

4. No one in Hell is quite sure why they’re there. Because the rules seem like they keep changing.

”It’s possible I’m in here because I killed someone... But I’m also a lesbian, so it’s like 50/50 it’s that because they guy I killed totally deserved it.”

“What do you mean eating bacon is okay now, I’VE LITERALLY BEEN HERE FOR FIVE HUNDRED YEARS BECAUSE OF PORK.”

5. There’s somewhat of a time loop because hell is eternal.

Seriously, guys, it’s gonna be balls to the wall crazy this year and it’s not gonna be marketable at all and I’m pretty sure Ash and Mayday are gonna wind up falling in love and adopting God rather than killing her (but they’re probably gonna kill Shith because he kinda deserves it) and I AM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS ONE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

[pk-writes]

For those of you writing mysteries...

1. The lethal dose of fentanyl is about 2 mg. Detectives shouldn’t really ‘taste’ a white powder to see what it is on a crime scene. It could backfire.

2. DNA testing isn’t instant. You need to amplify the amount of DNA to be able to successfully analyze it. This can take several hours.

3. A DNA test for forensic purposes looks at STRs (short tandem repeats) which are part of non-coding DNA. You don’t get tests back from forensics labs that say ‘We didn’t find a match, but the DNA says the suspect has this a rare genetic disorder.’

4. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE YOUR CHARACTERS PHOTOGRAPH THE CRIME SCENE BEFORE THEY MOVE ANYTHING.

5. Crime scene investigators (CSIs) are not the same as forensic scientists. CSIs in most jurisdictions are the ones who go to the crime scene, collect the evidence and process the scene. Then they package everything up and it goes to a forensic scientist at an off-site lab. These days, pretty common for a forensic scientist to have never visited a crime scene.

6. Most public labs have a backlog. +10000 points for anyone who writes that into their hardboiled detective story.

[pk-writes]

THE ENEMIES TRILOGY by P.K. Gardner Enemies Like These Walk a Mile Sidekicks