Hi Sangi! LMS was talking about how to get women to respond to you as a dominant and he gave some really good answers, but could you talk a little bit in your own words about the things reasons you noticed in him that made you think he would be a good Dom? He talked about how you cared that he treats you right and cares about your needs more than his wants, but how do you translate things like that into someone you don't know? What qualities should I be looking for in choosing someone?
hoo boy, this isn’t easy to answer. Simply because many things that drew me to him as a dominant were things I felt rather than saw. But I’ve done some thinking and have come up with a few things that may help you.
First, don’t base your first impression on whether or not they seem like they’ll be a good “dominant” for you. LMS and I started off vanilla and got to know one another first before kink entered our lives. You need to enjoy being around and with the person first and foremost as people before you try it as sub/dom.
Second, how do they treat people that can’t benefit them personally? Like waitstaff and janitors and the like? A good dominant (not to mention a good person) will treat those people with the same amount of respect that they treat everyone else.
Third, they are kind. Again, not just with people who they have to be nice to. Are they nice to grocery baggers? Are they nice to the elderly and animals? I’m not saying they have to be these super friendly, gregarious, santa type nice people. But they are nice to people in general.
Fourth, they have and stand by their convictions but will also listen to another’s point of view and are willing to change their convictions if a more logical and beneficial counterargument is made. This is so important as it feeds directly into being able to grow as a dominant and as a person.
Fifth, they are protective. Note that I did not say possessive. Possessive implies insecurity in both one’s self and in the relationship. Protectiveness is the mindset of keeping what is yours, safe. This means spiritually, emotionally, and physically. LMS allows me to live my life, go out with friends, visit family, etc because that is part of my being happy. He draws the line when the conditions of these situations are no longer safe for me in some way. ie He demanded that I stop halfway to coming home to him (from alabama) and stay in a hotel for the evening because I had been given a panic attack by a road ragey jackass on the interstate. A possessive partner would’ve demanded I kept driving or would have accused me of being overly dramatic or trying to get out of coming home to them. You see the difference?
Sixth. Confidence. And a quiet confidence at that. They won’t feel the need to boast or brag. They know their own worth and they are comfortable with who they are.
Seventh. They have manners. They are polite.
Eighth. They are in control of themselves. If a dom you’re scoping out goes off the rail over something and is screaming and especially if they are violent, they are not in control of themselves.
Ninth. They know what they want and they will work to get it. This isn’t just about a partner, but life in general. They want that motorcycle? They will work and save up to get it. They won’t just sit around bitching about how they wish they could have it. Speaking of which…
Tenth. They own their actions and mistakes. They don’t blame anyone else for things not going exactly like they want to in life. They have very strong senses of personal responsibility.
Intangibles. Okay so here’s the things I’ll try to give voice to but I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. When they look you in the eyes, your breath catches and you feel…hmm…exposed. Like they can see into the darkest corners of your mind and there’s nothing you could ever hide from them. Not only that but like a naked vulnerability. As if they can see right through your clothes. Their touch, the slightest touch, will send you into an existential crisis. Being around them thrills you, even if it’s just a coffee date. Others, and you, instinctively look to them for leadership and guidance. The kind of person who walks into a busy cafe and calmly starts a queue and everyone else suddenly goes to line up behind them. Their very presence is undeniable and impossible to ignore. The kind of person who never has to try to get your attention because your eyes have been drawn to them all night even though you’ve tried to stop several times. They pay attention! Not just to you when you’re talking but to everything around them.
Also, I say all of this with the caveat that these are the things that I personally feel make a good dominant. Others will have different viewpoints.
So there you have it. It’s all I could think of right now and I hope it helps!
areudirty
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
2087
gummygunk
ellievsbear
snowghoul
