Shadows Deeper Than Nights Are Long || Sirius & Mary
iomadaidh:
The comment, which from anyone else would probably have either made him smile in pride or sparkled just enough to have him preening, fell flat on her tongue and had him wondering if she was actually complaining about the party. She’d seemed to have been having a good enough time – the few times he’d seen her that night at Marlene’s side, but then again – who could tell these days?
Everyone seemed to be on a strange kind of ledge, unsure if they were going to jump off or let themselves cling to the cliff face until they got pulled off by gravity. Sirius had already thrown himself down and surrendered himself to the promise of an impact that would leave him dead. The day his father cursed the blood that ran through his veins and Sirius uttered what would be the first lie he’d ever told James, but hardly the last was the day he threw himself to the winds and let himself soar.
Soar down, yeah, but soar nonetheless.
He wondered what had Mary’s words snapping out from a mouth more likely to frown than smile, especially when she’d always been his girl. Her and Marlene, always more likely to send a giggle his way than a frown, and only ever scolded when he was dumb enough to raid their things for a prank. Mary’d been drifting away, and no one seemed to notice but Sirius – and her last comment only drove it home.
“Been sleeping alone since I left the family, MacDonald,” he murmured, reminding her of something he knew he’d already told Marlene, which usually meant he was telling Mary too, whether she was there for the telling or not, “Hard to justify having a bit of fun when it only means my lovely cousins will track her down and torture her as a warning to me.”
He pushed himself out of his seat and pulled a lukewarm can from the cooler they’d set up. The charms had faded out long ago, but the beer was still cold enough to not be too offensive to drink. He turned, and lifted an eyebrow, “Surprised Marlene didn’t tell you about that. I spilled that particular secret to her last year, right before summer break.”
“What’s been going on with you, Mary Mac?” he asked softly, “You might have everyone else fooled, but you know you can’t fool me.”
Her conversation had quickly spiraled downward, so much so that even Sirius Black couldn’t bring any sort of amusement to it, a reminder that just like that, Mary had distanced herself from everyone around her. All the light Mary had left, leaving nothing but a dull shell for people who looked enough to gawk at.
Leave it to him to maintain a tone of enjoyment when discuss the topic of being without a family. Sirius had always impressed Mary that way. It didn’t matter what had happened to him, he still maintained some sort of enthusiasm that was so infectious, it affected everyone within his radius. And here he was, wasting his light with someone like her.
“ ‘Fraid Mar did tell me, she’s never been able to keep a secret from me, just wasn’t my place to bring it up.” She shrugged. It was a shock when Marlene had told her Sirius had left his family due to irreconcilable differences, and with something that big, Mary had never expected to hear it from his mouth, yet here he was. “It’s a real good thing –“ She paused; good was a word that didn’t fit here. Nothing about making the choice to leave your family was good. “A real strong thing you did. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, especially with how they’re treating you, but just cause you left your blood doesn’t mean you don’t have a family, you know?” Mary shifted, a leg folding under her, eyes traveling anywhere but Sirius, unwilling to come face to face with whatever impact her words did or didn’t have. Mary didn’t know a thing about his sacrifice. He’d left his entire life behind for the people who were now strewn about the common room, the same people Mary had been distancing herself from, only able to face them when they were too drunk to notice she was there.
She’d didn’t look at Sirius until he spoke again, his question directed at her obvious shift in character, and she could feel the uncontrollable look of surprise on her face. She’d expected people to notice. Marlene and Lily, only because the three of them were inseparable. She’d expected people to notice that something was different, but she’d never expected Sirius to, much less confront her about it. He’d always been so much bigger than her. She could have easily blamed their friendship on Marlene, but he had noticed and that was more than anyone else had even tried to do.
Her instinct was to lie, to swear up and down she didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, but be it the beer or the unbarred emotions that came in the middle of the night, Mary obliged. “I’m just not the same person I was. Everyone expected me to be, and I’m not and I’m not telling them why so they’re all distancing themselves because I’m uncomfortable to be around, and honestly I’m fine with it. It’s better that way. It’s easier to not have to explain why Mary from last year and me, aren’t the same person.” Granted she hadn’t poured out everything, talking about what had happened to her, in the small sense that she had was a relief. “I wasn’t even sure I’d come back this year, but when Mar found out she’d practically packed my bags for me, told me this year wouldn’t be any different.” It was a child’s foolish pipe dream, one that Mary had hoped would come true despite everything she knew. “She looks at me like I’m made of glass, and everyone else pretends not to notice and it’s easier to just not talk about it.”








