˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚
˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚
STAGES OF DYING LOVE.
Everyday, weaving together like the waves of the ocean. The laughter heard from other islands. From other people. She was worried from the beginning when her time would be up, that she would no longer have the love and happiness of a mermaid, and that she would be forced to turn into a siren.
The boy said to her “I wouldn’t hurt you, I don’t wanna lose you” he repeated to her multiple times of her worries. The soothing vowels slipping through his teeth. “I’m here for you” “I love you”
“You’re important to me”
And for the first time in years, she actually believed a human. That a human wouldn’t turn her into a siren.
As the months went by, the water started turning from sapphire, to turquoise. The waves were crackling against the rocks of the foundation they built. When did the man started to hate her? When did he get so mean? The constant mistreatment. The nonverbal abuse when she finally spoke up. The silent treatment. The waves came crashing down almost flooding the house.
And then it stopped…
They made peace. They made agreements. The laughter spread across the islands the sands inbetween their feets. they were cruising the waves. the water was back sapphire, and the aroma of the waves soothed her.
but then…it happened again.
conversations we're shorter. hangouts were shorter. to eventually she never heard from him for days. 'is it me again? am i being punished for doing what you asked of me?' consulting her friends if she should bring it up. Her pride almost got the best of her. He was swimming the shoreline with other people. And the one person he ignored was the person that never got an explanation. Never got a chance to speak. Never was a thought in his mind. Was always there to let him back in with open arms.
Her: hey, um are we good?
Him: just reverting to be avoidant, it’s nothing to do with you I promise.
He lied.
Her: oh, sure I guess, um whatever helps you heal.
You weren’t avoiding anyone else..just her..
Him: not really a healing factor. Just a mask
Her: okay cool. Do whatever helps you.
Him: it’s not helping.
He lied again.
Tossing her phone to the edge of the bed, she did what any girl would do. Ball up and sob. And she sobbed until her eyes were heavy and she needed sleep.
The skies were back blue and the water was crystal clear and now it was time for them to meet. Meeting for the first time to feel their fingertips lingering on one another. The pinning for each other through modern technology. He was taller in person. His voice was deeper in person. He felt different in person.
But the vibes felt the same. The ocean was singing to her. The aroma of the water engulfed her she was calm. Even in the chaos of other people around her the events around her. He. He was calming her through it all. Him being more excited to see her than he was. She thought nothing of it at the time just a mere moment of happiness and pure love.
In the back of the car, he asked to hold her hand. She intertwined them with his, the skin pressed upon hers felt nice. Something she hasn’t had in a while. Maybe she was getting too ahead of herself. At the end of the day: he said they’re just friends.
She smiled in him in the backseat of a dimly lit setting, he brought her hand up to lips as he placed tender kisses on the back of her hand. The butterflies in her stomach swarming out the cocoon. Her eyes shifting from looking at his face to the actions of his lips. His thumb ever so softly rubbing circles against the veins of her hands. Because this was the only time she thought she would have with him, she grabbed his hand to bite and suck on his fingers while looking in his eyes. She loved turning him on, she loved to tease him. But more importantly she loved the way he looked at her in general even if she didn’t believe she was all those pretty adjectives he gave her. Putting his hand in between her thighs she wanted him to feel the heat he caused squeezing them on and off. But saying put in a more relaxed territory he rubs his thumb over her thigh.
Another incident. This kiss incident. all alone in the place he held vacancy. No one else around, he politely asked “can I kiss you?” She thought it was cute, he looked like a golden retriever, he was excited by the mere sight of her, and she’s never had anyone like that ever. She’s never seen someone so excited by her presences that they couldn’t help but express excitement. “Yes you can” he wasted no time in pressing his lips against hers. The smack of their lips separating caused him to be a little greedy and steal another one. And throughout their time together alone they kissed a lot, further going into tongue kissing. All new territories she’s never been too, but she felt safe going there with him.
It felt like standing in the rain with him, cool and crisp, soft and warm. It smelt like a sanctuary. He felt like a sanctuary. She trusted his hands all over her body whenever they were alone, she advised him he could have her. The incident of the playful ass slap. She loved. The inappropriate body touching. She loved. The kissing. She loved. It all meant so much to her.
Going back home, the skies were blending grey, the water was turning dark and pastel blue. ‘Did I do something wrong? We were just having fun? We just left each other? What changed your mind?’
He began to pull away again. His attention left her once they weren’t in sight of each other anymore. 4am hangouts with girls, his other friends. Leaving messages on delivered for hours. Getting replies at 4am. Half assed hangouts. ‘What did I do?’
Him: hey, can I ask you something that’s been on my mind?
Her: yeah um sure.
The short span of seconds felt like hours, years even. Still no response yet, her nails shaking in fear she might bite them. The rocking of her body kicks in.
Her: can you say what you’re gonna say I have anxiety right now.
Him: oh I’m sorry love you not in trouble I promise
Him: so I was wondering, and before I start I just wanna say your security and your heart in my biggest concern.
He lied for the third time.
Him: I just would like to know how’d you feel about me seeing other people?
And it felt like the rain stopped. The trees stopped blowing. The waves were still. And the sky was completely grey.
Him: I know we never talked bout…
The room went dark as he continued his text. All the kissing, touching and hugging. Intimate moments. Intimate conversations. Intimate plans. The understanding of his world piece by piece. What was it all for?
Her: yeah um I’ll just be strictly your friend. Just hit me up whenever.
Him: but what does that entail?
And they went back and forth, it was painful for both parties. He felt the pain of hurting you cause he was too much of a coward to tell her before he touched her when they saw each other. And her hurting in a way that she felt so used and violated, so discarded even though she consented.
And for two months it was hurtful for both parties. Him being constantly berated by her pain that he caused, her constantly thinking he’s lying and she doesn’t feel the care from him. She felt him slipping away. He was understanding her and her emotions, and she was really trying to fix it. Maybe he was too.
But in the end it wasn’t enough. And the silence fell on both of them.
Now neither party speaks to each other. He doesn’t reach out and she been said she wouldn’t either. Their islands are far apart. She’s alone with the water up to her neck. And he’s floating to survive with someone new and old. He’s surrounded by love on his island.
And she envious of that fact. But it’s probably better than way. Moving to a lighthouse she sits at the body of the shoreline. Her hair pushed back to show her sharp pointed ears. Her razor sharped teeth grinding against each other.
The siren she didn’t want to be..she has became that on the outside. “Nobody gets to hear me scream anymore” she says…
And nobody does anymore… no one visits the lighthouse.