Thing about spray tans is you're told to avoid hot baths, swimming in the ocean and any activity that causes excessive sweating. Yet what does Kaia constantly do? All of the above; no wonder her fake tan looks awful. 🤣
She had an event in May in New York and she was literally orange, and like, she had already wrapped the series 2 months ago, she clearly uses the spray tan not just because she was filming, she literally changed color
Joel Miller has never been a fan of Christmas. It's stressful, it's expensive and it's depressing. But a chance meeting in line to take his five-year-old daughter to see Santa might just change that.
A grumpy-sunshine friends-to-lovers short fic.
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Warnings: Grumpy/sunshine; slow burn for a short fic; NO SMUT; No use of Y/N; No age gap; Modern no-outbreak AU; Fluff; Parent Joel; Single sort of parent Reader; Overall blog is 18+ so minors DNI.
A03 | Full Masterlist
Chapter 1 - Jolly Old St. Nicholas
Chapter 2 - It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Chapter 3 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
hi hun! ❤️ send you this for the no outbreak joel haunted house/haunted hayride/haunted forest one shot. thank you so much again! you are the best. 😊
HI BESTIE!!!
Love this ask so much!! I felt like New in Town Joel was the best Joel for this one, so here's BFD!Joel taking Beautiful to a haunted house because he's the kind of guy who will do anything his woman wants. And we love that for us <3
Hope this is what you're looking for!
Haunted House
You've always loved haunted houses so your boyfriend, Joel Miller, takes you to one just before Halloween. Featuring New in Town Joel Miller and set between the chapters First Thanksgiving and Second New Year.
Pairing: Best Friend's Dad!Joel Miller from New in Town x Female Reader from New in Town
CW: Smut! No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only
Length: 2.1k
“You’re kidding.”
“Promise you, Beautiful, I’m really not.”
You gaped at Joel as the two of you made your way from the makeshift dirt parking area to the ticket booth for the haunted manor.
“Joel,” you laughed in disbelief. “You love horror movies! How have you never been to a haunted house?”
“Haunted houses are very different things,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Movies are just in your living room or a theater, shit’s not actually there…”
You stopped in your tracks and it took Joel a second to realize he’d lost you and come to a stop, too.
“What?” He frowned.
“You’re scared.”
“No,” he scoffed a little too hard and a little too fast. “I’m not scared, I just…”
He trailed off.
“Just what?” You teased, stepping up close to him so you were just inches away from him, smiling up at him.
“Just not sure I’m gonna like feelin’ out of control,” he said, sounding a little sheepish as he tugged you against him, one hand on your waist the other cupping your cheek to tilt your head toward his.
You frowned a little. He sounded more genuinely unsure than you’d expected.
“We don’t have to go,” you said. “Really, I don’t need to do it…”
“You like your haunted houses,” he smiled a little and kissed you gently. “Want to do it with you. Besides, who knows. Maybe I’ll like it.”
“OK,” you said, still a little uncertain but you kissed him quickly, anyway. “But if you change your mind, we go home.”
He laughed a little.
“Not changing my mind, Beautiful. Let’s go get the shit scared out of us by fake serial killers.”
“Also probably clowns,” you smiled, taking his hand and leading him to the ticket booth.
Joel felt antsy behind you as you stood in line, his arms draped over your shoulders, holding your back to his front, his lips occasionally finding your temple or your cheek or the curve of your ear.
“Don’t worry, Baby,” you smiled back over your shoulder at him and gave his forearm a squeeze. “I’ll keep you safe.”
“Gonna use you as a human shield at the clown part,” he teased.
You laughed as the two of you were guided into the first room of the haunted house, wallpaper peeling and rotting wood exposed. A lamp flickered ominously from the corner and there was a creak from a shadowy spot near the hallway on the other side of the room. Your heart rate picked up and you squealed a little, too excited to hold it in.
Joel laughed.
“Really don’t understand you sometimes, Beautiful.”
You smiled, taking his hand again.
“Away we go!”
You kept his hand tight in yours and crept across the room, watching and waiting for something to jump out at you.
The two of you almost made it to the hallway when a woman leapt out of the darkest corner, screaming and reaching for you. You jumped and yelped and Joel tugged you against him before he laughed and relaxed his hold on you.
“See?” You said as the woman snarled and reached but kept her distance. “It’s fun!”
“Maybe,” he said, keeping an eye on the woman as you led the way to the hall. “Still think you’re weird.”
In the hall, you were met with a tall, knife wielding man, making you yelp and making Joel jump between you and the would-be attacker as the pair of you ran past him and into the next room.
“See, I can tell this isn’t an actual horror movie,” he said, a little breathless once there was a moment of quiet.
“Yeah?” You asked, sticking close to him, on the look out for the next fright. “How?”
“We fuck way too much to survive a slasher,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to your temple as you laughed. “It’s always the virgins who make it out alive.”
The next room you stumbled into was filled with sloppy, neon paint and ominous organ music.
“Thought you were kidding about the damn clowns,” Joel muttered. You didn’t get a chance to reply before a clown jumped out at you, cackling as he reached and groped.
You ran, too busy holding Joel’s hand and watching the first clown to fully watch where you were going and ended up running head first into another clown, his face paint streaked with blood and teeth sharpened to points. You screamed and jumped back into Joel, who caught you and held you close. You dodged the second clown, pulling Joel along with you as you ducked below the clown’s arm and ran for the next door.
The zombie room freaked you out the most, skin hanging from his face as he scrambled across the floor for you in an eerie, inhuman way. It was so sudden and from such an unexpected place you shrieked and froze, Joel tucking you behind him and guiding you to the next room as you peered around his arm to the man snarling at the two of you.
It had been years since you’d gone to a haunted house with a guy but you found yourself getting turned on, being so close to Joel when you were scared, watching him instinctively protect you - even though you knew there wasn’t anything to actually protect you from.
The feeling got stronger the longer you were in the haunted house, almost a distraction by the time you reached the last room. Once you were headed back to the car, your panties were wet and you were trying to remember just how far of a drive it was back to the house.
“That wasn’t too bad,” Joel said, his arm draped around your shoulders. “Some of the noises you make…”
You smirked a little.
“Bet you could make me make other noises.”
“Oh yeah?” He asked, voice low.
“Think there was an empty park few miles down the road,” you said, turning to face him, walking backwards and guiding his hands to your waist. “We could see if there are any serial killers looking for hapless, horny victims in cars.”
“You seriously tryin’ to get me to fuck you in a parking lot?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Are you arguing?”
“Absolutely not,” he growled, pulling you into him and kissing you. “Never gonna argue with that.”
You laughed and went alongside him again, tucked under his arm.
“I will say, after that adventure, I feel confident in my zombie apocalypse plan,” you said, lacing your fingers with his that were dangling over your shoulder.
“You have a zombie apocalypse plan?” He laughed.
“You don’t?” You frowned at him, skeptical. “How many times have we watched Shaun of the Dead and you don’t have a zombie apocalypse plan?”
“Apparently I don’t need one,” he teased. “You got it covered. Alright, fill me in, what’s the plan.”
“Well, first, we make sure we’re in the same place,” you said. “Because you’re clearly going to be my best hope at survival.”
“Sure,” he said and you could tell he was fighting a smile.
“Then we go get Sarah.”
“Naturally.”
“Then Tommy and Maria,” you continued. “Because I feel like between you and Tommy we’ll do pretty well.”
“Feelin’ like you’ve got more confidence in my zombie fighting skills than is really appropriate,” he was fully smiling now.
“Nah,” you waved him off. “You’d do great. Anyway, we haul ass to Galveston, steal a ship, ride it out on the water.”
“See that part’s not bad,” he said. “You all wet in a swim suit all the time. I can get behind that. Alright, guess we can adopt your zombie plan as the official Miller zombie plan.”
“A vital part of any household, truly,” you smiled as he opened your car door for you before getting in the driver’s seat himself.
“You serious about the park?” He asked, brows raised.
You just reached across to his lap, taking hold of his thick, half hard cock through his jeans, stroking him slowly, firmly.
“Depends,” you said, voice darkening with want. “Think you can make it to the house?”
He groaned.
“Park it is.”
When you made it there, he didn’t even have a chance to turn the car off when you’d unbuckled your seatbelt and all but dove into his lap, taking his cock into your mouth with a satisfied moan. His hand flew to the back of your head as you took him into your throat, sucking him and working his shaft with the press of your tongue.
“Christ, Beautiful,” he was already panting and you pressed your thighs together, looking for some kind of friction, some kind of relief from the needy ache inside you. “Didn’t know a haunted house would get you this hot n’ bothered…”
You moaned around his cock and sucked hard, his fingers knotting in your hair as he guided you up and down his shaft, swallowing the salty taste of him that made your mouth water.
“Not gonna last, you keep doin’ that,” his voice was strained, thick. You sucked him harder and his hips thrust up into your mouth. “Oh shit, Baby…”
You could feel him stiffen and he yanked your head off him and you pouted at him, savoring the taste of him on your tongue.
“Got another place I’d rather come if that’s alright with you,” he panted, looking at you with wide eyes in the moonlight. Even in the near total darkness you could tell his pupils were blown.
“Fuck, please,” you said, kicking off your shoes and yanking down your leggings, Joel watching hungrily while stroking himself, still dripping with your spit as he did.
“Goddamn, need inside you Baby,” he managed as you clambered over the center console and straddled him. You aligned him at your entrance and took him into yourself in one firm, swift motion and you both moaned in relief at it, the feeling of being joined. You sat still on top of him for a moment, adjusting to the size of him. It didn’t seem to matter how many times you’d fucked him, he was so thick and long he always stretched you in a way that was just on the pleasurable side of pain, the initial burn satisfying as he utterly filled you. As the burn faded, you started to ride him, his hands on your hips as you set a heady and needy pace over him.
Joel brought a hand to your front, his thumb pressing into your clit, his fingers cupping your sex, spreading around where he was entering you, making you moan.
“Fuck,” he groaned, the hand that was still on your hip lowering his seat back so he could see where you were joined before moving to your thigh. “Look so damn pretty taking this cock.”
“Joel,” you moaned, your body getting tight around him. “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come…”
“Good,” he thrust up into you. “Make me fucking feel it, Baby. Want to feel you come, want to feel you come all over me.”
He pressed harder into your clit and it was like all the heat in your body suddenly centered on your core, everything going molten and tight before you came apart around him, your hips stilling over him as your pussy throbbed around him.
“Fuck, there you go,” he fucked up into you through your orgasm, pressing deep, working your clit. “Gonna fill you up, leave myself so deep in you…”
“Please,” you panted, still not able to control your body as you rode out the last of your climax. “Need it Joel, need you to come for me.”
“Fuck!” He gasped and you felt him press deep and throb hard inside you, the heat of him pumping into you over and over as your pussy gave his thick cock a final milking squeeze.
You slumped over onto his chest as he finished, his length still buried deep inside you, both of you panting for breath.
“Alright,” he said after a minute, his hands going to your bare ass as he leaked out of your pussy. “Decided I love haunted houses.”
You laughed.
“Really?” You teased, kissing his neck.
“Oh yeah,” he said, still breathless. “If it gets you to fuck me in the car like we’re damn teenagers, it’s my new favorite thing. Gonna have to do this every Halloween.”
“Every Halloween?” You asked, lifting your head to look at him.
“Every one,” he smiled. “As long as I spend them with you.”
You smiled back.
“Think I like the sound of that.”
He sat up just enough that his lips could reach yours.
Natalie Portman, a Harvard graduate with a degree in Psychology, is not only an Academy Award-winning actress but also a passionate advocate for animal rights and environmental causes. Born in Jerusalem and moving to the United States at a young age, she has seamlessly navigated between worlds, both on and off the screen, featuring in a wide range of roles from the iconic Padmé Amidala in Star Wars to the troubled yet captivating Nina Sayers in Black Swan. Natalie’s dedication to her craft and her ability to speak fluently in not only English but also Hebrew, French, and Japanese, showcase her remarkable versatility and intelligence.
Maladaptive daydreaming as a child was like "what if I was in the digimon universe" and now it's like "what if someone genuinely loved me even though I'm flawed"
You can survive your childhood and escape the horror of your parents by creating and existing solely in a rich inner world in which you contain all your thoughts and feelings and this will not have any effect on your relationships as an adult
You can survive your adulthood and escape the horror of capitalism by creating and existing solely in a rich inner world in which you contain all your thoughts and feelings and this will not have any effect on your social life
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