Lovely Beauty

My poems written from 2020 to 2024. For anyone interested in reading. A melancholic person.

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I'm a troubled soul, who just want to read and drink black coffee all day.

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I'm lost in a sea of ​​bad luck

trying to reach you

but I think I'll drown

Before I see

the sincere smile return to our faces

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Whenever I feel close to breaking, from sadness, from anger, I turn to books. No story that can portray pain, anger, love, joy, and anguish is capable of disappointing us. They comfort us, like no one, not even someone close to me, could. Only they take some of the weight and loneliness off my chest.

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I want to get rid of you at the same time

I want to keep holding on to you

I want to get rid of all the bad things in the water while I pray

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This bad feeling that grows

Every day

It will get worse

Every day

And when you think the end has come

That's when it gets better

And then it comes back

But not like the first time

The second time is different

Because this time

I'm ready

And I know that the end

Is actually

A new beginning

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Even if you don't know

Even if I don't tell you

I'll stay close to you

I need you

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I don't mind loving some things

On my own

As long as they take me far away

I'm fine

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This resentment feels like

A dry stain

It's still here

But not like it was before

You can understand the words

But you don't understand the depth

Of them

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I make everyone around me unhappy, don't I?

Everyone is unhappy because they depend on my love

And I have more love to give

So I try to go in another direction

To think about something else

To silence

Those hurtful voices

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You bring smiles to my face

In the most unexpected moments

When I need them most

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I really want to fall apart now

And rebuild myself

Put together

Piece by piece

But first I would need to

Break

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So many opportunities were in my hand and I let go. If I had held on tighter, I would have lived.

So many right thoughts that I didn't give voice to, for fear of ruining them. Dreams. Now I live them in the safest place. Inside my head, where I never want to leave, where everything is possible. How sad.

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You fall waiting until it's too late

You'll wait to be saved

Pain has a bitter taste

That became pleasurable

Over time

And you fall pushing everyone away until

You're alone

And it'll be too late

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Being full of pain

Being so disconnected from yourself

And the others around you

That opens a bigger hole inside your chest

A black hole

That sucks all the light

And distorts

Leads you to dangerous uncertainties

Kills you

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I let go of so many things

That I don't even remember them anymore

Things that were born in me

Things that became rooted

Things that fell like dead leaves

Dead memories

And not watered

At least not the right memories

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Roses and thorns

Gnarled horns

Moon and stars

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A poem is something so intimate

It was made for me, and for you, and for everyone

But I feel that some poems

Were made

Especially for me