Hidden Thoughts

I write because I can't breath. I write so I don't have to think.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

I’ve never been certain of much in life

But for once I know what I want

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

How quickly everything

Falls apart

People move on

And change

While I’m stuck

Desperately clinging

To the past

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

I never quite realized just how much of myself I was losing by staying in a situation that “could be worse.” I haven’t been myself in so long. I’ve been drowning with no one to pull me out. Far too long I’ve refused to fight the tide.

I owe these people absolutely nothing. They give me no respect and expect my undying loyalty. Trapped because change hurts and I’m already in so much pain. I was afraid to add anymore lest I finally break.

What I forgot was just how freeing the pain of change can be. Letting the past and present go to move on to a better future. One that I create for myself.

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

I am but exhaustion with a name and a face

And yet those that pass don’t know my name and I am unseen

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

Some nights the voices are just too loud

The music can’t quite drown them out

All the things I hate about myself

Screaming at me to just surrender

I never made the choice to stay

Frayed strings are all I cling to

So close to the edge most nights

Afraid to just let go

Not sure what I’m still holding on to

Highs that just aren’t enough anymore

Artificial fixes, nothing past temporary

Terrified of eternity

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

I want the world to be beautiful so I make it that way

So what if it’s just a lie I tell myself?

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

Every day you wake up the same and every day they grow older. You almost don’t notice it at first, the subtle changes. Before you know it though the faces flash past on a never ending cycle of birth and life and death. You witness the life but never the lack because there are always more. So many more they all blur together into one and you are lost. Alone.

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

Running through the night

Unknown and unknowable

By anyone but you

We run together

Perfect in each other

Filled with memories

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

The stars will always fill me with wonder

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

No one to talk to because they’re all too busy using me for cheap therapy

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

Why do I feel so lost

Living the life

I’ve chosen to live?

How can I not recognize

Who I am

The person I’ve become?

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

To swim is to drown

Pulled under

by the sheer weight

Of existence

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

Try not to run

Through the blinding silence

For you’re only bound to fall

And the falling is forever

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

I’m vibrating at just the right frequency

Or perhaps just the wrong frequency

Some days it’s hard to tell

I’m so in tune with the vastness of the universe

And my specific place in it

I don’t feel small or insubstantial

I’m not swallowed up in hopelessness

I stand back and watch it all unfold

Every moment happens again and again

We just aren’t around long enough to see it

People strive to be unique, to change things

But it’s always been this way

And it always will be

Characters change but the story stays the same

My story has already been told

Even as it unfolds I feel it’s history

I am just a moment in a circle

I owe the universe nothing

And I am owed nothing in return

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

She loves me so sweetly

But every time

I give in

I give her

False hope

Becoming

More the monster

Knowing

I’ll never love

Her

As she loves

Me

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

If you’ve ever met sadness you must believe in ghosts

k.c.

[poetmaybedefinitelycrazy]

I just don’t care about myself the way I care for other people

k.c.