Hi, to be honest, I don’t know if at this point anybody is still interested in hearing from me, but there is something I want to share with you, so there is going to be some (probably way too) personal stuff about work and art and mental health behind the cut.
The thing is, my life hasn’t exactly been full of sunshine and rainbows for a very long time. Or, as the German proverb goes: Das Leben ist kein Ponyhof!
And by “long time” I mean, I have suffered from Depression and Anxiety for as long as I can think. And it’s taken a toll on me. It has affected me so much that I don’t even know the person I would be without it.
I’m not saying this to be pitied or anything. I’m saying this because, today I finally managed to get an appointment with a psychiatrist... after having tried for many years. Because every single time I managed to gather the courage to ask for help I got disappointed. I either was not taken seriously or I got straight-away rejected. And for someone who already has no sense of self-worth that’s the worst that can happen.
So today I took all my courage (again) and I finally succeeded. And while it’s just an appointment, just a date on my calendar, it’s still a milestone for me personally and it’s probably the first time I’m actually looking forward to a visit to the doctor.
Aside from that I'm doing trial work tomorrow for a job I’m interested in. The chances are good I get the job (I’ve already had an interview) but my gut feeling is so-so, I’m really hoping tomorrow will bring clarity.
In addition I have been thinking about creating art and fan art in particular; and what it means to me. As you might have noticed, over the last couple of years I have drawn less and less... not because I’ve lost interest but because of... well, all the shit I’ve mentioned earlier and in other posts.
The problem is, I want to work, I want to draw and paint stuff for others and for myself, I want to give others treats and make them smile with my art (that’s why I wanted to do that give-away... and to say “thank you”). BUT I have to acknowledge that I am not in the position to do so at this point in my life. Right now what is most important to me is to get better, so that one day I can be at peace with myself.
What I’m saying is, don’t expect a lot of fan art from me in the near future. And should you decide to unfollow me due to this, I can absolutely understand.
On the other hand, should you still want to follow me, even though there’s not a lot I can offer in return... thank you, I appreciate it.
Also thanks to everyone who read this far.