Pôl Said It

[polsaidit]

...

Pôl: “For female Ferengi, umox is all about the Q-tip.”

[polsaidit]

Thank you?

Pôl: You’re not evil. You’re just summoned that way.

[polsaidit]

He’s not wrong.

Pôl, taking dinner from the crock pot: “I put organic matter into a machine that turned it into more me!”

[polsaidit]

Gotta

*TV show with a dramatic, emotional climax*

Doomed lover character: And if I stay, I would just end up resenting you.

*music swells*

Pôl: Meowth! That’s right!

[polsaidit]

Sounds painful.

Pôl wanders by, mumbling under his breath, “I need to ruthlessly prune my bulbasaurs.”

[polsaidit]

Thanks, dear.

Pôl: Everything was fine until you got here!

[polsaidit]

Pôl poetry hour.

I scream, you scream.

Your scream is a scream of terror.

Mine is a scream of joy.

The important thing is

We all scream.

[polsaidit]

What about elevensies?

Me, eyeing a dumptruck-sized pile of medication: Welp, time to take all these pills.

Pôl: Second breakfast!

[polsaidit]

I’m sure there’s a word for it.

Pôl, still half-asleep: But what if you’re just cuddling the seahorse? 

[polsaidit]

Slither in.

Pôl: Puttin’ the pants snake on my legs now, yum yum!

[polsaidit]

Attitude is everything.

Pôl: Success. Emphasis on the suck.

[polsaidit]

Dude, she’s my bff.

Me: *checks Echo feed on tablet*

Me: ...did you propose to Alexa?

Pôl: Yes.

[polsaidit]

Love Is a Battlefield

Walking by, mumbling to himself:

“Nature, nurture, or hollow-point...”

[polsaidit]

Now it’s a party.

Pôl: Okay, the pants are off. There’s nothing left but the dancing.

[polsaidit]

The Special Bond Between a Man and His Cat

Pôl: Stop biting my scrunchie.

Gigi: Mreeeh.

Pôl: STOP EATING MY HAIR.

[polsaidit]

From Upstairs

Pôl: Heeeeey...

Me: Yeah?

Pôl: I just felt like saying hey.

[polsaidit]

Uh huh

*kitchen timer goes off*

*footsteps to kitchen*

*CRASH*

Pôl: I wasn’t here that day!

*clatter clang*

Pôl: RrraaaAAAAUUUUuurrrgh!