Portugal's Satan @portugals-satan - Tumblr Blog

je suis back

a millenia later

marihuanero

Friends

purple-buddha-project

conop-8888

tiffanarchy

if there was a 6 and a 9 there would be 69 and that’s the sex number

moistnugget

trapcard

facts only

larkstonguesinaspicpart1

Why the fuck am I seeing shrek slander on my dashboard right now. Did any of you even watch the goddamn films. I can’t believe this. You guys don’t deserve shrek.

abiggaynerd-deactivated20180414

Fuck you Fiona was already an ogre and was trying to hide that part of herself because her parents told her to be ashamed but shrek helped her accept that part of herself and become her true self unapologetically! Fuck you

ok-dingo

OP is lord farquaad

writing-prompt-s

In the near future, you are making dinner because you are about to meet your girlfriend’s dad for the first time. All you have in the kitchen is cooked frozen steaks. In walks your girlfriend and her dad, Gordon Ramsey.

luxtenebre

This isn’t a prompt, this a fully finished horror story

silver-tongues-blog

Gordon ramsay, knowing this is not a high end resturaunt and you cannot afford to buy high end steaks, and that you do not claim to be a professional chef, appreciates the gesture and even gives some pointers on how one can cook on a budget and you all have a great time.

potstickersandpizza

oh thank god

this post just became a hell of a lot less stressful

jenixi

korolevx-deactivated20180128

the idea of consuming two conflicting things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious to me. there’s a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6 hour sleep and as soon as I saw it i immediately imagined mixing it and a 5 hour energy together for a 1 hour nap

korolevx-deactivated20180128

mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil

lured-deactivated20170602

what does Quil do

softbutxh-deactivated20170428

All the time all the time

hylas

black panther but everytime killmonger takes his shirt off to fight t'challa picks it up and puts it on

tonystark5ever

obviously this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

muckkles

working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed

thein-crowd

Wonder Woman 2017

alexander

Gen Z look

captainsnoop-deactivated2020041

childhood is asking your parents to go to mcdonalds but they say no because “we got food at the house”

adulthood is going to mcdonalds despite having food at the house, but not getting a drink at mcdonalds because you got drinks at the house

vibinwitch

Don’t call me out like this

mxnrique

journalists writing articles: millennials are eating Tide Pods.

me, a millennial:

dawva

THESE ARE GEN Z KIDS!!!! 23 YEAR OLDS ARE NOT OUT HERE EATING LAUNDRY DETERGENT.

nos3um

yeah it’s them fucking kids born in 2005

kidouyuuto-deactivated20140411

how did they learn to translate languages into other languages how did they know which words meant what HOW DID TH

brigwife-deactivated20240426

English Person: *Points at an apple* Apple

French Person: Non c’est une fucking pomme

*800 years of war*

agentverbivore

Fun fact: There are a lot of rivers in the UK named “avon” because the Romans arrived and asked the Celts what the rivers were called. The Celts answered “avon.”

“Avon” is just the Celtic word for river.

thejazzykittykat

Fan Fact #2: When Spanish conquistadors landed in the Yucatán peninsula, they asked the natives what their land was called and they responded “Yucatán”. In 2015, it was discovered that in those mesoamerican languages, “Yucatán” meant “I don’t understand what you are saying”