positiveemm

[positiveemm]

I’ve decided to officially end this project. It’s not right for me anymore. I look forward to doing plenty of other things this year though. Thank you so much for all the kindness you’ve shown me and this project.

[positiveemm]

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[panel 1: drawing of me with an elephant head. panel 2: “I’m scared this life broke me. I’m scared I no longer have it in me to fight for anything. But it’s a lie. It’s a cruel useless lie. Personality isn’t a fixed state. Strength isn’t a fixed state. As long as I’m still here, I have the power to change things, and I’m still here. If I have to fight for my ability to fight before I can fight for anything else, that’s what I’ll do. It’s not an impossibility. It’s just another item on my to-do list.”]

[positiveemm]

Hi! Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. I have depression (along with a party-sized platter of other health issues) and lately, I haven’t been able to find it in myself to feel positively about things, and that makes it hard to make content centered around positive messages about my personal life. But I’m trying to be, if not positive, then at least open to the possibility of good things and to see the world as it is instead of as my depressed perspective tells me it is, and I hope that I will be able to make good art based on that soon. Thanks for staying around. <3

[positiveemm]

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[Drawing of a snail in front of a mushroom with a caption that says “I have to let it go, so I will. My heart is broken, but it will heal. I will move on. I will live a great life. I will find a way to be happier than I would have been had I gotten what I initially wanted.”]

[positiveemm]

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[Caption: There are carved pumpkins, warm drinks, and many victories in my near future. / Drawing: *me sitting on a carved pumpkin next to a to-go coffee cup.]

[positiveemm]

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[Drawing of me with an elephant head sitting by the window with a coffee mug above a caption that says “One day, I’ll have the relationships I want. I’ll be loved and wanted. But until then, I’ll live a good life by myself. I’ll take myself out to dinner. I’ll read good books, work hard, and be kind. I’ll acknowledge my victories and be patient when they take time. I’ll practice being compassionate and generous.”]

[positiveemm]

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[2-panels. Panel 1: Drawing of me with an elephant head falling in the sky. Panel 2: “I don’t know how I will get through this, but I will get through this. I will get through this depressive episode, this month, this year, and everything else I need to get through. I will get through this no matter how long it takes or how hard it is. I will get through this.”]

[positiveemm]

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[Drawing of a notebook and a cup of coffee above a caption that says “I love pictures of coffees next to notebooks. I don’t care it’s not a creative idea. It’s a small thing that makes me happy, and the fact that there are small things that make me happy is a big thing.”]

[positiveemm]

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[3-panel comic. Panel 1: Because I have depression, I don’t always want what I want. I have big dreams, but there are periods where those dreams don’t seem to matter because nothing seems to matter. Panel 2: So I have to remind myself that even if I don’t care now, I will care later. Even if I don’t feel like it’s worth trying, it is. And I can do it. I can do everything I need to do in order to achieve my goals. Panel 3: *drawing of me with an elephant head drawing next to a cup of coffee with steam in the shape of an elephant head coming out of it.*]

[positiveemm]

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[2-panels.  Panel 1: A list titled “Facts that comfort me” that says “ - there are people that make it out of bad situations into good ones. - there are people who help others. - there are books and libraries. - human beings have gone to space. - I have done things people didn’t believe I could do and things I didn’t know I could do.” Panel 2: A drawing of a tree.]

[positiveemm]

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[Drawing of iced coffee in front of a page on which it says “August Goals: - do the things I want to do instead of just planning to do them another time - allow my ideas to be more than just ideas - make money, make things, make myself proud - be kind & helpful - drink iced coffee.”]

[positiveemm]

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[2-panel comic. Panel 1: drawing of a wolf sitting on flowers. Panel 2: “I don’t have a good track record of getting what I want, but I have a good track record of refusing to let that stop me. Maybe this time, what I want will come easily. Maybe I’ll have to fight for it. Either way, I’m in. I’m willing to fight until I win. I’m here to win.”]

[positiveemm]

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[4-panel comic.  Panel 1: “My new rule is that whenever I start thinking of everything I’ve lost because of illness, I have to make a list of things that are still possible for me. I have to be open to new dreams and new ways of trying.” Panel 2: A bird sitting on a teapot. Panel 3: A bird sitting on a mug. Panel 4: Me with a bird head.]

[positiveemm]

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[2-panel comic. Panel 1: drawing of me with an elephant head holding a notebook. Panel 2: “I make things. I make things I want to see in the world. I consider how the things I make affect the world. I do the best I can to make the best things I can. I share the things I make with others. I enjoy making things. The fact that I struggle financially doesn’t negate any of this. It doesn’t mean I failed. As long as I’m still here trying, I haven’t failed yet. And here I am.”]

[positiveemm]

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[Drawing of a bird with a caption that says “Note to self #4: It’s a good day to try. It’s not a perfect day and you’re not a perfect person, but perfection isn’t necessary. You have good intentions and you’re willing to learn, improve, and adapt as you go. You’ll figure this out. You can do this. Just try. Start somewhere. Do what you can.”]

[positiveemm]

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[4-panel comic. Panel 1: So many people have already written me off as a sad story: poor sick dreamer who wanted the world, but couldn’t stay well enough to achieve anything. Panel 2: *drawing of white flowers against a yellow background.* Panel 3: *drawing of me with an elephant holding a cup of coffee against a yellow background.* Panel 4: And they’re right: There’s a lot I didn’t do. There’s a lot I struggle to do. But there is so much in my heart, in me. I am so much more than what I didn’t do. I’m going to do and be so much.]

[positiveemm]

Twitter / Facebook / Instagram / Ko-fi [Drawing of a collage of drawings featuring jellyfish, elephants, lily pads, and rain above a caption that says “At first, I thought surviving my depression might be about faith: faith that there will be better days and those days will be worth the fight. But I keep reaching for hope and coming up empty. So instead, I’ll survive out of defiance, out of tired resilience, out of whatever I can find.”]