He shot up in bed, sweating, shaking, and unable to catch his breath. He looked over in the darkness to make sure he hadn’t woken Iris up with his nightmare…again.
He lifted the covers off of his body and carefully got out of bed, making his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He walked into the living room and turned on the tv. He tried to focus on the images on the screen, tried to replace the scenery in his mind with something other then his fathers heart being ripped out.
He closed his eyes, and took a couple deep breathes in and out, before shifting his body and laying his head on the pillow beside him. It took some time, but he quietly drifted back into sleep.
Iris woke as a warm glow filled their room. She stretched wide and breathed in the morning air with a wide yawn. She noticed a coldness by her side, something that was a too familiar feeling these days.
She grabbed one of Barry’s plaid button up shirts to cover with and made her way into the living room, finding her sleeping boyfriend exactly where she expected to find him.
She knelt down, resting her head and arm against the arm of the couch. She reached in front of her and gently combed her fingers through his hair. Her heart broke for him. He looked so child like in moments like this and all she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms and make his world whole again, give him back all the things he’d lost.
“Mmm…Iris?” he said without opening his eyes.
He lifted his hand to rest on her arm.
It was silent for a few minutes and then he shifted his body to sit up. She moved to sit beside him, curling her legs up and resting them against his lap, interlocking her fingers with his. He kept his gaze forward, eyes still hazy with sleep.
“It’s been a year since my father was killed and the wound is as fresh as it was the day he was taken from me. The image of him and Zoom standing in front of me has been haunting me every night these past few months. I don’t know how much more I can take…having to unconsciously relive that moment over and over again. It’s breaking me and I’m utterly exhausted.”
He looked up at her and the sadness in his eyes was overwhelming for her.
“I’m afraid of tomorrow,” he told her quietly.
She stayed glued to his eyes.
“…of when the next person I love is going to be taken from me. I worry about it all the time. If something happened to you Iris…”
“Bear,” she rested her head against his.
“You can’t think like that, it’s no way to live. You have to try and find a way to focus on the here and the now, the things and the people who exist in this moment. This is what he would want, for you to live in fear. Don’t let him win, don’t let him take away what you still have.”
She somehow brought herself even closer to him, making sure that all the space he occupied she occupied too.
“Take a deep breath with me.”
They both inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.
He moved his head to look at her.
“That’s me and that’s you, real and alive right now. I’m not leaving you ok? And I need you here with me. There’s no need to be afraid of tomorrow because all of our tomorrow’s are going to be filled with love and laughter. Teasing Cisco and Wally, making my dad uncomfortable with our PDA. You saving the world.”
He smiled at her as tears built up in his eyes.
“You in my arms and me in yours…and kisses. Lots and lots of kisses.”
She leaned over and kissed him slowly, making sure he could feel how much she loved him. She wrapped her leg around his waist and deepened the kiss.
“Tomorrow sounds lovely, but I’m really liking this moment right now.”
He moved his hand across her leg.
“I love you, Iris. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
His eyes wandered over her, as if he were taking her all in.
“I don’t know what I would do without you either,” she said, kissing him again.
“So since it’s Saturday, what do you say we go back to bed for a bit? I don’t like starting my day without you waking up beside me…I need a do over.”
He nodded to her as she got up and made her way back into their bedroom. He sat alone for a moment and smiled to himself as he thought about all of their tomorrow’s.
