I'll answer to Nicky or Fate, 30+, they/them
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If you're expecting some sort of consistency, I'm sorry in advance. The only thing consistent here is that this is a sims (2) blog on main. I have a (nonsims) side blog somewhere around here, but I seem to have misplaced it with my keys...
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Navigation post is pinned.
for posterity's sake, I can also be found on simblr.cc, pillowfort, as well as dreamwidth, though I don't use it currently.
(and for my mutuals, my discord is potentialfate, just make sure you let me know who you are if you add me.)
I’m WCIF friendly, but I also have a lot of old stuff in my game, so I can’t guarantee anything. I should at least be able to give you names though! Please send them via ask though, otherwise I might miss them or forget!
I make TS2 CC exclusively (you will find no ts4 cc here.) and write semi-interesting soap opera style posts based vaguely around gameplay. (with a lot of artistic liberty.) That being said, my writing has some darker themes. I tag appropriately with “tw xxx” as the standard. (ie: “tw death”) please read at your own risk. I’m willing to add extra tw tags for regular readers/mutuals/etc if you send me a dm.
Due to Tumblr's new adverts on personal blogs, I feel like I should add a warning that I neither support whatever adverts are on my page, nor do I even know what they are. I highly recommend you too get an adblocker like ublock or adblock, or use a VPN that has an adblock included. (or all of the above)
(if you only want to see my posts, and no reblogs, all my posts are tagged "my posts" for more specifics, read on)
Current Story (Master Post)
Ten years ago, Arkhelios' "quiet" town was thrown into chaos when one of their beloved founders, Abraham Helios, was found murdered in the park one late night. With no real leads, and no laws as safety nets in place, the case went cold and the town hasn't been the same since. Salem Bellamy stepped up to take over in Abraham's wake, but the peace that followed is strained at best. With new complications on the rise, and the older generation fighting to establish a social hierarchy, the younger generation of residents struggle to find their place, and move on from their traumatic childhoods. But can one really move on, when what's dead and buried doesn't stay that way?
My Custom Content:
// [pfate tag] // (All my CC)
// [Whole SFS Folder] // (it might be a mess)
// [Google Doc Master Post] // (includes images)
// [Object Default Database] // (a GD database for ts2 B/B defaults)
// [Pearshape Fat Morph Project] // (info || tag)
Note:
My custom content follows the same tagging system I use for cc finds, so it will also be mixed in with those tags if you’re looking for something specific. You can also find only my custom content via the “dl: xxx” tags (ie: “dl: hair”) or on my Simblr.CC.
TOU is basically just don’t say you made it yourself, feel free to do whatever you want with it though, just don’t put anything created with my shit behind a paywall… and idek a link/credit or an @ would be pretty chill. it’s not 100% necessary though.
I don’t really take requests, but feel free to make a suggestion. Just don’t be alarmed if I say I’m not interested.
What happened in Pleasantview after Bella Goth's disappearance? How did the other citizens fare from the aftermath, and how does one exactly grow up when your parents can't seem to get a handle on their own lives? Follow the slice-of-life storyline of the teens and young adults from pleasantview, with a few cameos from other neighborhoods.
Other’s Content:
(Other simmer’s works, these will all also be generally tagged: reblog)
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Sims 2 Custom Content Finds Tag Masterpost
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Other common tags: Sims Artwork // Sims Memes // Sims 4 // sims stories
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Stories to Read list
The occasional TS4 post I make will be tagged pfate ts4
Abercius tried to will himself to move, but failed. He and Helle had been staring at the front door to his family home for what felt like hours, and still, he couldn't force himself to move. There was caution tape all over the front door, marking this house as one of the first places to be consumed by the plague. It probably wasn't safe to enter. It probably never would be.
The crown on his head was becoming painful to wear after just an hour of wearing it. He didn't know how the monarchs that he'd seen in the other realm wore them for so long.
Helle had suggested wearing it to match the Yacothian crown she wore, so that when they confronted whoever remained in Abercius' home, they would seem powerful and in control of the situation. Abercius didn't really feel powerful at the moment, and he highly doubted that if his mother was really waiting for him to return, that she'd appreciate seeing her son in a crown.
For an instant, Abercius swore that he saw a shadow move in his aunt and uncle's darkened window across the street, but he tried to push it from his mind. He wasn't in danger. Everything was fine.
"You don't have to go in, Abby. You don't ever have to go in if you don't want to. Do you want me to go in and tell you what I find?"
Abercius was tempted by the offer, but he knew that he could never take it. To be by Helle's side, he needed to be brave in order to face what came at them. He was supposedly protected from the plague by an amulet the Tredonians had enchanted, and he had seen every manner of death in his past life. He could do this. He had to do this.
"No, I'll go in," he assured Helle. "I need to do this. This is my home. Maybe James came back here, waiting for someone to come back. Let's go. This is important."
It was easier with just Helle here by his side. The Tredonians meant well, but Abercius didn't want to share his personal grief over his family with them. They saw this plague as a problem to be solved so that they could go back to their own families; this was Abercius's family. It still felt disloyal to his past life to think of the Pryor family as his family, but it was undeniably true. Just as Helle was working on coming to terms with being a member of the Dean family, Abercius was trying to reconcile being a servant of Death with being a boy who was not a boy, in a family filled with secrets.
Walking in the front entrance was easy enough, after tearing down the caution tape. The house was eerily silent. It had never been this quiet in all the time Abercius had lived there. There was always music playing, cauldrons bubbling, or James yelling down the hall at someone. This was no longer a house, but a tomb, and a tomb was exactly what Abercius was afraid of discovering.
"No one's been here in awhile," he murmured, looking at the dust accumulating on the counters. His mother would be horrified to see the house in such a state. "Not even James. He would have torn this place apart on his own."
"Which means that my parents aren't living in the house. They're not living in town or someone would have said something. They had the plague and weren't able to move, so maybe they were sealed in here with the tape on the door to warn people away."
"That could be true," Helle sighed. She reached out to rub Abercius' arm to comfort him. "It doesn't look very hopeful. I can understand if you want to leave now. I think we can guess that's what happened, if you need to leave."
"No." Abercius resigned himself to the answer he'd always known in his heart was true. "They're probably in the sanctuary where we left them."
It shouldn't have been surprising to Abercius, but upon taking a single step into the church sanctuary in their home, he was overwhelmed by the presence of death. It was a feeling that Absydee encountered every single day of her existence, but it was relatively new for Abercius.
His parents were exactly where their children had left them, their eyes white from the plague.
"No," Abercius whispered. "You were supposed to get better. We were trying to save you. We just need more time. We...we need more time."
Helle stared at the bodies laying before them carefully.
"They look fine to me," she offered. "They don't smell and they're not decomposing, so there must still be hope. Surely we can reverse this."
She wrapped her arms around her partner, trying to be reassuring in a situation she didn't know how to navigate. She'd been alone for much of this life, and the throne in her past life was somehow even lonelier. Comfort wasn't a skill of hers.
"You're kind for trying to have hope," Abercius replied, turning away from the bodies of his parents. "My siblings might try to agree with you, but they'd be wrong. I served the realm of Death, Helle, I know what it looks like. Human bodies can't go this long without eating, nor can they stay in one position for weeks on end. They may look alive, but it is a deception of the Demon of Nightmares. They can never wake up, even if we can defeat Xexys."
Helle's face softened. She didn't even try to argue about death with a former reaper. If Abercius knew his parents were lost, despite their appearance, then Helle couldn't disagree.
"What do you want to do now?" she asked softly. "Do we bury them? Do we leave them here? Tell me what you need from me and I'll do it."
"We leave them here," Abercius decided. "My siblings will want to say their goodbyes and...." He held out his hand towards his parents, closing his eyes as he did so. Nothing happened. "I need a reaper. I can no longer do what is needed. I know the steps, but I'm a part of the realm of Life now. Xexys has tangled magic enough that they both cannot pass on their own. If I hadn't have left my reaper team, they might have survived to fix this. There's no one left to help."
Helle could see the spiral of guilt begin, and intervened before it could get any worse.
"Hey, let's leave your parents here to rest then," she said, pushing Abercius towards the door. "Why don't we get some of your stuff from your room and go home? I'm sure there's things that you couldn't take with you when you left last time. We should get them now, so you feel more comfortable. Maybe you could get something of your parents' to help you remember them too. You can take whatever you need, and when we see your siblings again, they can chose something for themselves. The Tredonians will understand. They seem sentimental too."
Abercius returned to the room he shared with his brother, Brion, only to find that it seemed smaller than he remembered. It was always at least a little cramped with two growing teenagers sharing it, but after the relatively short time that they'd both been gone, the room suddenly seemed tiny.
"So this is your bedroom?" Helle winked at her partner, hoping that it might cheer him up, at least a little bit. "It's cute. I like the ant farm."
"Thanks, it was a school project that I couldn't let go of. Brion and I used to watch them for hours. James threatened to dump them outside once, so they live up high where he can't reach them."
"James always was such a charmer," Helle muttered. "Helena was always a bit wild, but you and Brion were always so well adjusted. I don't know how your family ended up with James. The way he acts would make even the kindest person assume that he was one of Xexys' demons."
Abercius smiled wistfully. She wasn't wrong about James, but he was still his little brother. He had a duty to find him and take care of him, no matter how rotten his past behaviour was. James was probably scared or in danger, wondering where his siblings and parents were.
"That's also not your fault," Helle stated before Abercius got the chance to spiral again. "We will find James, and then we'll find Tiffany and Jason. Our siblings are out there and we will find them. You and your siblings did what you could to survive. Helena and Phuong had their own kid to protect and Brion is there to protect them. You came back to find me, to discover where we need to be to help everyone. This is our path, but we will see our loved ones again. I believe that and so should you."
Abercius nodded absently, no longer listening to Helle's comforting words.
"Abby, I can't believe it's you! I thought I'd never see you again! You remember me, right?"
Abercius chuckled at Rani's stream of words. The Timelady hadn't changed a bit in the centuries since they'd last seen each other. If Rani hated you, you couldn't pry more than two words out of her, unless she was asked about her homeland, Ticktop. If she did like you, you would never hear the end of Rani's opinion on any and all subjects. It had taken Absydee nearly a year to earn the Timelady's trust, and once she had, Rani had talked her ear off until the day Absydee reincarnated. Absydee was quite sure that she knew absolutely everything there was to know about Ticktop and how Rani felt about just about every person she'd ever met there.
"Of course I remember you," Abercius laughed, wrapping his arms around the Timelady. "I could never forget someone as important as you. I'm so sorry about what happened to Ticktop. You must hate me for leaving you without even a goodbye. I feel so guilty about what happened to your people, you can't even know how bad I feel. They were so important to you, and now they're gone."
Rani released Abercius, but made sure to maintain eye contact so that he could see her sincerity.
"Nothing could have prevented that, not even a reaper," Rani declared. "My people can bend time, and even we could not prevent it. We were the test run of Xexys' plan. The plague started in Ticktop and ended only when all of us were no more. The assassins picked off any survivors. I had sworn to remain by the Dream Guardian's side after we lost the reapers, so I could only watch it all fall. Without the reapers to collect the souls of my people, I don't know how to help them pass on. I'm glad you're back, Abby. You must know how to help them."
If this speech was supposed to ease Abercius' guilt, it had the opposite effect.
"I-I'm not a reaper anymore, Rani," he replied. "I can't do anything for the dead in this mortal body. I wish that I could, but it's impossible."
"Maybe not that impossible," Lukas murmured to themselves. "I'll have to think about it...Nevermind, we have more important matters to discuss. You and Apophis remember your past now, right?"
Helle and Abercius nodded.
"I'm pretty sure I remember everything," Helle reported. "My childhood, my youth, meeting Absydee, my death, and my rebirth into the Dean family. I saw myself as an infant, being hidden by Winnie Dean. It's my destiny to defeat the Proxy and the Jacobeans who would have sacrificed me to the Watcher."
"Destiny can be interpreted in many ways, but sure, let's assume that you're meant to destroy this whole broken system," Lukas replied, rolling their eyes. "You both need to work to bring Jubilant Accosts back to it's proper state. The Ocean doesn't grant second chances at life, but you've still managed to trick your way into one. You will help me set things right."
"Of course," the two teens said in unison.
"Um, just out of curiosity, will my eye ever go back to normal?" Abercius asked. "People already stared at it in my first life, and I know they'll stare even more now."
Lukas raised an eyebrow at this.
"Do you not know what it means?" they asked. "Izanami should have made that clear, though, knowing how he is, I can see him not going into details. Your eye marks you as a creature of the Creation. You were never mortal or an angel, but you were created along with Life and Death and the universe. You're marked as something ancient and powerful. It's something to be proud of, not ashamed. It is extremely rare to see someone with that mark."
"Oh." Abercius should be flattered, but this news didn't make him any less self conscious.
"I have forms to switch between," Lukas continued. "This is likely your permanent form, one that connects back to your previous life, but uses your reborn body. I doubt that Helle will experience much of a difference going between two mortal bodies, but for an immortal, especially one as old as you, there may be some lingering connections between your two lives. There's never been a single case like yours, except for mine, of course, so I'm not entirely sure how you'll be affected. I'll be watching you two with interest."
"I think your eye is beautiful, Abby," Helle stated. "You should embrace it, especially if it shows how unique you are. Didn't you see other reapers your age with it?"
Abercius shook his head, trying to delve deep into memories he was just getting reaquainted with.
"There weren't many reapers created in the beginning," he said, looking to Lukas for confirmation before realizing that he was somehow older than this deity. "It's a little fuzzy, but I don't think that there was ever more than three of us. I can't remember for sure. The members of my team here were once mortals."
"You two are marked in Death’s list as having 'burning souls' so I'd imagine there will be some overlap from your past life," Lukas advised the teens. "There's an energy surrounding your souls, blazing bright enough to make even a reaper shy away. If you ever leave this realm, a lot of supernatural creatures are going to be very interested in you."
"No, at least, I don't think so," Abercius replied quickly. "Two mortals with the same energy that forced a reincarnation would probably intimidate a number of creatures. Beings with the energy of Life and Death together? It's unheard of."
"Do you think that werewolves or vampires could see this energy burning?" Helle asked. "If they could see it, they might be more easily convinced to accept us as leaders of Jubilant Accosts."
Lukas looked at Abercius, equally as curious as Helle. Abercius tried not to shrink under their stare.
"Well, werewolves are alive," he answered. "They don't cross with the realm of Death until their time is up, but vampires? We don't reap vampires unless they somehow manage to die. They live in a state of living death, similar to zombies, so they may be able to see this burning energy. Their senses are supposedly quite different than mortals'. If anyone could sense the difference in our energy, I would assume it would be them."
"Abby, I should see if that energy can be seen by TimeLords and Ladies. Come with me, and we'll try to work it out." Rani didn't seem concerned about the energy at all, just getting to have some time with her old friend. Before Abercius could object, the Timelady had grabbed his hand and started walking towards a nearby room. Abercius shot Lukas and Helle an apologetic look, but didn't fight against Rani. Talking to a god was intimidating, but Rani? That was much easier, and besides, she had watched the reaper team fall and could provide Abercius with details that Lukas couldn't.
"So, uh, I guess that just leaves us," Helle said nervously. She tried to frame this moment in her mind so that she could paint it later. Reawakening as a queen, meeting the god of Life for real and not just selling a painting to them-it was all a little surreal, which made good art.
"Judging from that crown, I'm guessing that you intend to restore the monarchy?" Lukas asked. "You're ready to try to lead this mess of a realm?"
Helle nodded with the confidence of someone who had previously been born into royalty. She'd never had to gather people to support her cause, but it couldn't be that hard.
"Yes, I believe that Jubilant Accosts needs a strong leader going forward. I don't see free elections working well with the number of people who would try to ruin the system, and most people have followed the Proxy, even if they didn't believe in the Jacobean faith. This realm needs a strong vision and someone to make it happen. I know that I can be that leader. There's already a prophecy declaring that I will return to vanquish my enemies, which only strengthens my case."
"Who made this prophecy exactly?" Lukas replied. "It seems awfully convenient. Are you supposed to defeat the church or the Demon of Nightmares? I'd like some clarity on what this involves and how it's linked to your reincarnation. Who knew that you would reincarnate when they made this prophecy?"
"I wish I knew."
"So can you see the energy I apparently give off?" Abercius asked, already guessing the answer.
"Eh, maybe a little," Rani replied. "The currents of time are a little murkier around you than they used to be. You might be harder to use time magic on, but only slightly."
"Oh, that's interesting." Abercius hadn't expected that his friend would actually attempt to see the burning energy. "I thought that the whole 'burning soul' inspection was a ruse to get away from that god. I'll try to keep in mind that I do appear differently to some people."
"It was largely to escape from them," she laughed. "I just wanted to catch up with you alone. It's been so long and I have so many questions. What was it like to reincarnate? Could you feel the stream of Time? Did you remember everything all at once? Are you attracted to Helle in his new body? Tell me that the romance isn't dead after risking everything on that one chance."
Abercius smiled, remembering just how chatty Rani had been a lifetime ago. She had pried into every detail of Absydee's romance with Apophis, which had given the reaper valuable social skills that Death hadn't taught her.
"I don't remember feeling the stream of Time. Reincarnating was painful and disorienting, and I'm still trying to sort through my two lifetimes. It feels weird talking to you again while in a body that has never seen you before. Helle feels the same way, but there's definitely still that same spark between us. She's just as beautiful as Apophis was, but younger, and unmarried. I don't have to watch Hetepheres glare at me when I want to see Helle."
"I haven't thought about that bitch in years," Rani confessed gleefully. "Oh, I hated that woman. For your and Apophis' sake, of course, though she was a terrible queen in her own right, who lost the monarchy to a literal cult. My people at least lived long enough to see her fall. There were some of us who were hesitant to officially link ourselves to the Yacothian throne, and Hetepheres was all the proof we needed."
"What was the Dream Guardian's opinion of her?" Abercius asked. "I never got to spend a lot of time with him. He always seemed to be lurking behind me like he was trying to startle me."
"Yeah, he was a prankster. I guess looking like a kid made him act like one. I couldn't believe that someone could kill him. I mean, he looked like a kid! Who could hurt a kid?"
"But he wasn't a kid," Abercius replied. "He could have been my age for all we know."
Rani shook her head, disgusted by the memory of losing her coworker.
"I saw the man who killed the Dream Guardian. He had dark hair, and even darker green eyes. There was no light or warmth in them, only hatred."
"I've been working with that man's daughter, Despina," Abercius replied carefully. "Don't give me that look, Rani. She's an innocent and a victim of her father too. She was only born to sacrifice for more power. All of his children are innocent, especially his son with the assassin. They are doing their best to undo their father's work. One of them has even contracted the plague because of the assassin."
"You always did pick up strays," Rani said dismissively. "I'd forgotten that about you. Do you remember that child that spent the day in your office because it lost its parents in a crowd? I thought you were going to keep that forever!"
Abercius shot his old friend a dirty look.
"I returned him after two hours of looking for his parents' names in my work book," he corrected. "I couldn't help it. He wasn't scheduled to die, and I had the means to find his parents. They were all so happy to be reunited. I was jealous of them all, just a little bit. I've always wanted to have a family of my own."
"And now you can!" Rani exclaimed. "You can have a royal family, and I can help babysit. It's perfect."
Abercius smiled wistfully at the thought.
"Yes, I suppose I can. Helle has always wanted a family too, but that's years away, if we can defeat Xexys. I can't bring children into this world with a plague and a demon to fear." He paused. "Did you ever find love, Rani? Some kind of TimeLord or lady, rich enough to make all your dreams come true?"
Abercius expected laughter or embarrassment from the Timelady, but a sadness overcame Rani at the question.
"Loving mortals is hard," she replied. "I haven't found a TimeLord or Timelady worthy of my love, and now I never will. I did experience love though. Twice in fact." She sighed heavily. "But I live much longer than the mortals here. I'm not immortal by any means, like you were, but a Timelady lives long enough to watch her lovers die of old age, disease, homicide...it never ends. So I understand why you did what you did for Apophis, and I would do it myself if I had the chance. Timeladies can't command Death like you do though, otherwise, I'd save my people and the Dream Guardian too."
Abercius smiled kindly.
"I'm glad that you found happiness twice in your lifetime," he said. "You will die one day and be reunited with your loves and your people again, I promise. In the meantime, you may not be able to command Death, but you can command time. I don't know a lot about the abilities of your secretive people, but surely you could do something with time to see them again."
"Don't tempt me, especially with that god around. I find them hard to read. If I could change time, would they be angry for exceeding my mandate or happy that there are more citizens of Ticktop to help us?" She sighed miserably. Thoughts like that had plagued her over the years. "I can't do it though, Abby. The laws of time are clear. We are subject to the whims of Life and Death just like the mortals, and once the names of my people appeared in Death’s book, it couldn't be changed. Even if your team had been around back then, I couldn't have changed it."
"I'm sorry that the laws of the universe are so unfair. I only barely broke one part of the natural cycle of Life and Death, and look at the consequences! I get the feeling that I was extremely lucky that I triggered reincarnation instead of something else happening. Apophis' name was in my book."
"Well, I'm glad that someone got to cheat the system at least. I don't know how we're going to get everything working the way it should be again. We need reapers and the Dream Guardian. I never knew what the Dream Guardian even was, aside from a creepy child who never seemed to age."
Abercius nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, that always stumped me too. Where did he even come from? I suppose Lord Izanami might know."
"You and your hero worship," Rani teased. "Either way, we'll figure it out. It's good to have you back, Abby. You don't know how much I missed you."
"That's high praise from a Timelady," Abercius laughed. "I hope that I can live up to your memories of me. Do you still have your golem wandering around or did you take that into hiding with you when the Dream Guardian died?"
"Oh, I'm sure he's around somewhere," Rani replied dismissively. "I'll track him down and see what information he's collected while I was gone. I tried to program him with a decent personality, but by the Watcher, he's boring. Paranoid too."
"They say that a time golem takes on the personality of the one who programmed it, or so I've heard," Abercius laughed. "He's made in your image."
"You just wait til you have kids and those creatures made in your image start acting out. Then, my golem will look like an angel."
"There's always been a prophecy about the old king," Helle stated. "I grew up hearing about the story, but it was always told to scare kids into behaving so that the king didn't come to get them. I never asked who started the story, but it's at least fifty years old, probably even older than that. It's written about in some of the books in the old library."
"Why can't we just kill him?" Helle asked. "I don't understand why we needed to seal him away when he could just die and everything would be okay again."
"So Xexys likely isn't the one behind this story. He would have spread this threat via dreams, and he doesn't stand to gain much from this prophecy spreading. If people interpret it to mean that the king could destroy Xexys, they would only need to wait for this reincarnation to save them. No one would fear him. We need a Dream Guardian to keep Xexys in check," Lukas said. "Whether the prophecy is true or not, we need something to hold him back. Maybe if we can trap Xexys, we can stop the plague at its source."
"Yeah, that sounds easy," Lukas replied irritably. "Why didn't I think of that earlier? Oh, right, that's not how demons, especially old demons work. When a demon dies, it's soul can choose to go to the Void, and from there, after many tries, it can sometimes reappear in the living world by clawing it's way out or being summoned out. Strong demons can repossess their physical remains or even possess other mortals. Why do you think that blood demons and the Great Demons were so hard to fight? It was far safer to just trap the Demon of Nightmares and cut him off from accessing the dream realm completely. Obviously, his breaking free of this realm changes things. I don't know what the solution is, but just sealing him away again obviously won't work. That's what you should be trying think about if you want to rule this realm."
"We weren't asked if we wanted to live in a realm with an out of control monster," Helle snapped. "No one gave us the choice of living free of him, like your realm has. Why couldn't you have just trapped him alone? Why curse a population of innocent people with Xexys?"
Lukas scoffed at the audacity of this young woman, future queen or not.
"That's above my pay grade. I don't ask the Ocean why he makes things the way he does. My role is to obey his rulings and not piss him off, and you should do the same. He told Izanami that this was the way that he wanted Xexys handled, and that's why your people were trapped with him. If I had to guess, you were meant to be distractions for Xexys to play with, to keep his attention away from escaping. I can't prove that's true, but that is consistent with the decisions I've seen him make."
"The Watcher?" Helle asked, suddenly hesitant to confirm what she'd already begun to accept about the god she was raised to serve. "He's...not happy with the sacrifices we make or the worship the Proxy lavishes on him. He doesn't care about us at all. My twin brother died for nothing."
"I don't know," Lukas confessed. Why lie about what they knew about the functioning of the universe? If they did, the teenager was only going to ask more questions. "Maybe he appreciates them, but they will never buy you his favour. Just look at me! My husband is sick in a way I can't fix or even begin to understand. I'm trapped in this incarnation that only reminds me of hate and loss and losing control of myself, and I'm supposed to 'enjoy this stroll down memory lane while it lasts'. The Ocean loves games and cruelty and masterminding some scheme only he can understand. He told Izanami that 'she' was coming, whatever the hell that means! Is it a threat or a promise that someone is going to return to us? My little sister was killed just like your reaper team here, so maybe she's coming back to fix what went wrong in Abysdee's absence. Maybe he meant Absydee herself was coming back. I don't know what the Ocean has planned, only that I don't understand it and you should definitely be afraid of it. I know for a fact that he has a resolution to the problem of Xexys, but will he share that plan? Again, I don't know. Maybe we don't want to know."
Helle paused to absorb this strange theology lesson.
"You have a husband?" she asked. The look on Lukas' face was pained when this was her followup question, but she quickly clarified her question. "I mean, you're two men or you used to be before you became like Abby. Gods can love the same gender without punishment? That is how life outside of Jubilant Accosts truly is?"
"Yes, absolutely," they said with kindness. "I was brought into existence to complete Izanami as his opposite and equal. Your Watcher, as you call him, was the one who made that happen. He might not appreciate Absydee's little act of rebellion, but he doesn't hate anyone who doesn't have the sexuality or gender identity that your Proxy thinks you should have. He might hate you for a variety of other reasons, but never those. Don't take that as a sign that you're safe from his plans though. If you do become queen, you're putting yourself at a higher risk of catching his attention."
Abercius warmed himself by the fireplace in the monarch's bedroom, still a little wary of how familiar it felt to him. Absydee had spent countless hours in this room with Apophis, something Abercius was still working on comprehending.
After their reunion with Rani and the deity she now followed around Jubilant Accosts, Abercius and Helle had decided to retire to their bedroom in the home they were reclaiming. The Tredonians were amused that the two of them were living in an old castle, and had immediately agreed to join them there the next day. The Tredonians had to pack, and Abercius and Helle needed a quiet night to themselves. Too much had happened and they needed to make plans of their own.
"The bed seems fine," Helle announced, giving Abercius a pleased look. "The sheets and blankets too. It's like some kind of magic preserved things inside the castle. Is that possible? I've never heard of that kind of magic, but this place should be in terrible condition, and it isn't. Either way, I guess we can spend our time with other matters if we don't need to set up our sleeping arrangements."
"Maybe it's the castle itself," Abercius suggested. "Nothing has rotted, and the Demon of Nightmares hasn't taken this building as his own. There really could be some protection that we're not aware of."
"Then we should ask the Tredonians to test your theory. If this place is protected, then that might help us with Xexys." She paused to remember Lukas' dire words about the indifference of the Watcher. "We could use any advantage we can get against him. We're going to need it."
"Tomorrow," Abercius promised, pulling Helle towards him. "That's a problem for tomorrow. Right now, all I want to do is enjoy a quiet night with you. I think we've been through enough to deserve it."
"I couldn't agree more. We have several centuries to make up for after all. Plus, the Tredonians will be here tomorrow with their loud noises and dream experiments. We deserve some time for ourselves."
Abercius stared at the garden, hardly believing that it still existed after all the centuries that had passed. The proxies over the years had maintained the landscaping, which baffled Absydee, but Abercius knew first hand that disobedient students were often assigned garden maintenance at the castle. It would dirty the hands of the Proxy and his faithful to step foot on the unholy land, and it was an excellent reminder to the students about the penalties of living a disobedient, sinful life. The Jacobeans had destroyed the monarchy, and left its remains as an example to anyone who might question them. Disobey, and you would face the same fate as Hetepheres and the rest of the royal family.
The gardens were a little overgrown in areas, but were fairly similar to the ones Absydee had walked in during another lifetime. The fragrant flowers comforted her while she and Abercius tried to sort themselves out.
He hadn't gone to see Helle, like Adam believed, and maybe he should feel guilty for lying or not rushing to Helle's side as her partner, but he needed time to process everything. The Tredonians meant well, but they didn't understand the realm they intended to save. None of them knew what it was like to be a servant of Death who somehow followed their love into the realm of Life. They hadn't seen the construction of the world or sat at Death’s side.
Helle could understand somewhat, but it was Abercius who caused them both to reincarnate. He hadn't asked permission from Helle to take her out of the natural order of things. She had never asked to be separated from the dead souls of her family, even if the royal family was dysfunctional at best, or to end up as an orphan girl in a religious society that hated who she'd once been. Everything was strange and confusing now and neither Abercius or Absydee knew how to move forward.
"You still love gardens. I'm happy to see that hasn't changed."
Abercius recognized the voice, but didn't dare turn around to face Helle. Apophis. Both of them.
"I thought that I might find you here," Helle tried again, softening her voice. "I had to climb out the window to escape the Tredonians and their concern. They don't understand, so we'll have to think of something to tell them. Maybe that deity will save us the trouble and catch them up. How likely do you think that is?"
It was a silly question, meant to break the tension between them, but it appeared to only upset Abercius more.
"Life wants me to atone for the wrongs I have done, so I doubt they will do anything to help us. I'm to help them in anyway that I can to restore the realm to the way we left it. Before I broke everything."
"You didn't break everything," Helle assured him. She gestured wildly at everything surrounding them. "The castle is still here. You and I are still here. A god is here to help set things right with Xexys. You saved us. You gave us a second chance at life. We're free to marry and start a family together now. We've learned from our second lives how to fix the mistakes of our first. Abby, you've given us everything."
"You're truly not angry? After I disobeyed the natural laws? I couldn't ask you before I acted. I just couldn't...couldn't imagine spending an eternity apart from you. To have to visit you in an afterlife that I couldn't stay in. To let you go and pursue another love that could never measure up to what we had. I didn't even think about the consequences before I acted. My entire team was lost, and Rani's people...so many people fell because of me. I might have been able to stop it all from happening."
Helle gave him a compassionate look, but she refused to accept his words.
"Abby, you're being too hard on yourself. You're not all powerful, and you will never know if you could have made a difference if you'd stayed in your role. Maybe things would be fine now if you'd stayed or maybe you would have fallen with your team. I can't imagine what I would do if you had vanished like they did. Even a god can't seem to find them, and I refuse to consider a future where I have to languish in an afterlife without hope of ever seeing you again. I won't. I'm sorry that things didn't work out for the best after I died, but I'm not sorry that we are both still here together. I'll never be sorry about that, as long as you are safe and by my side."
"Truly? You've never stood in eternity with the Ocean listing your responsibilities, so you cannot know the depths of my failure."
Helle shrugged.
"I've spent all of this lifetime listening to the Proxy tell me that my existence and feelings were a deep moral failure. You've grown up listening to the same thing. You're afraid of how your mother will think of you for just being your true self, and I understand that. Trust me, this is where we are meant to be, and I will fight any deity who disagrees with me. You belong with me and that's that."
"Apophis. Helle. I don't know what to call you. This is the most confused that I've ever been, which is saying something," Abercius fell into Helle's arms, holding her tightly.
"Don't worry, we'll figure it out together. As for me, I intend to continue on as Helle. Apophis is dead and gone, and if I'm able to restore the monarchy, then we'll need a fresh start with someone who was raised Jacobean. Someone who can lead now that the Proxy is gone."
"Is that what you want? To become queen and rule?"
Helle nodded.
"It's what the prophesy says I'll do, and it's what I know. I know that with a consort by my side who I love, and the Jacobeans scattered and leaderless, I can fix things. You can help Life, like you promised, and I can fix Jubilant Accosts. We can fix it together. That is, if you want to become my consort. I'm sure you remember the dangers and difficulties that come with the position, but I couldn't imagine ruling without you by my side."
Abercius smiled, though it didn't quite fully reach his eyes.
"I admit that I had hoped that we could live our lives away from the throne," he said softly. "It did such damage to our relationship, and twisted your family against the throne in the end. I couldn't bear to see our future family willing to kill for the throne or have their hearts fill with hatred like Ranya's. But, if this is your destiny, I will follow your lead. If you must be queen, then I must be your consort."
"Abby, things are already so different from our previous lives, and I know this time will be different. I'll protect you, just like you'll protect me."
Abercius groaned at the idea.
"Life has commanded me to study magic with the Tredonians so that I can replace my reaper skills. You know how the Proxy limited the Pryor family to defensive magic; I know Helena complained about it to anyone who would listen. She should be the person who should learn forbidden magic, not me."
Helle brushed her hand along Abercius' face, hoping that the action would bring him comfort.
"You can do that just as well as Helena could," Helle assured him. "You're not such a bad warlock. If you're half as good with a wand as you were with a scythe, we'll be fine."
"Maybe I won't be. I've never really studied magic as intensely as the Tredonians do."
Helle immediately wrapped her arms around Abercius, squeezing him tight.
"You're going to be great at it. A god would not ask you to learn otherwise. The two of us are going to fix everything, especially if we have the help of a god and some strange guests from another realm. Anything is possible now. Maybe one day, we won't need to be sealed away from that realm. We have our whole future ahead of us, Abby."
Abercius smiled at Helle's optimism.
"You certainly haven't changed. You always see the best in a situation, even when it's hopeless."
"That's why you love me," Helle laughed, earning a genuine grin from Abercius.
"I guess so," he teased. "Among other reasons."
The inside of the castle hadn't changed much over the centuries. It was like a time capsule, locked away for years, waiting to be opened. Some things weren't exactly as Helle remembered them, but Hetepheres had ruled for a few years before being overthrown and Ranya had made a valiant effort of her own to claim the throne after Apophis' death. Things were going to be different.
Dust had claimed most of the palace, but things were in surprisingly good shape considering how long ago the monarchy had fallen.
"Do you think that anyone's been here since Hetepheres died?" Abercius asked. "I'm trying to remember my history lessons, if we can even trust that the history we were taught was accurate. I've been assigned gardening punishments before for falling asleep in class, but just standing in the gardens of this land was supposed to be unholy. I don't remember anyone being brave enough to even climb the steps of the castle, let alone spending any time inside of it. Have you?"
Helle shook her head.
"No, orphans don't have parents for the Proxy to complain to about their bad behaviour. If I misbehaved, my financial support was cut. You learn to behave pretty quickly when you can't buy groceries for the week."
Abercius gasped in horror.
"Really? How could they? You were a child!"
"That's how the Jacobeans operate, Abby. They want obedience at any cost, and I didn't have parents to scare me into behaving. I'm just lucky that I was considered to be too impure as someone without an established family, otherwise they might have tried to sacrifice me to the Watcher. Lucky for me, the Watcher might not accept me if I had secretly come from an unacceptable family, so they couldn't take the risk. They sacrificed my twin brother because they knew his background. My family in this lifetime has been destroyed. I don't know if I have any siblings left."
"Siblings? Do you know who your parents are? I didn't think that we'd ever know."
"I saw it when my memories awakened. My parents were Winnie and Ezra Dean."
"You're Gabriel, Tiffany, and Jason's sister!" Abercius gasped. "That's amazing, Helle! You have a family! We can find Tiffany and Jason together."
Helle nodded, but kept her eyes focused on the throne room down the hall.
"One lifetime at a time, Abby," she replied. "First, I need to acknowledge Apophis, and then I can look for the Deans. Knowing my family will help get me support to rule, but I don't have the luxury of being Helle Dean at the moment. The throne must come first. Restoring peace to Jubilant Accosts must come first."
Abercius tried to hide the exasperated sigh he'd released upon hearing those familiar words. He may have succeeded because Helle made no comment; she was focused on the throne room. How many times had Apophis declared that the throne overruled everything in his life? How many times had Absydee reminded him of what was appropriate for a king and the consequences that might come from him declaring his love for her?
This time would be different, or so he tried to tell himself. Helle would be his. They would navigate things together. Their throne would come first.
Helle cautiously made her way to the throne room, climbing the steps to the ancient throne like they might collapse at any second. From what she could tell, everything looked safe to use. There wasn't a single loose board or missing nail to be seen.
"Why hasn't Xexys torn this place apart?" Abercius wondered, checking around him for obvious damage. "I mean, I can see why the Proxy didn't want to set on unholy ground, but a demon who's obsessed with ruling this realm? He should be residing here, not at the Proxy's house."
"Maybe there's something here that repels the demon," Helle guessed. "Or the castle isn't to his taste. The church is against all things demonic, so maybe he's taken it personally. It would be lucky for us if there is something repellent to the demon here. We could move the Tredonians here where they could be guaranteed safety."
"That's a good idea. They aren't exactly focused on safety. Despina seems attached to the house though because of her parents. Hopefully, they'll see reason if we find out that the castle is safer."
Helle sat gingerly on the throne, checking to make sure that the ground beneath it was stable. Memories rushed to her mind, slamming into her with an intensity that she hadn't expected.
She remembered the first time Apophis had sat on the throne. Of being coronated. Hetepheres running around the room giggling as a toddler. Of sneaking Absydee into the room late at night for some fun. Listening to the Four Peers give their reports and wondering which one of them was sleeping with his daughter.
There were so many memories, both good and bad. Helle had never expected to find her biological family in this lifetime, and now she'd found two. The crown had manifested for her upon her awakening, and her destiny was clear. Helle Dean was in the place she belonged.
"You look just as regal as you used to," Abercius remarked, drawing Helle's attention from her memories. "A true queen."
Helle descended from the throne to kiss her love.
"You have been remarkably patient with me these many years, and I want to give you something to promise that you will have my devotion for a second lifetime."
Helle dropped to one knee before Abercius. She couldn't interpret the wide eyed look on his face, but she kept going anyway.
"Abercius Pryor, Absydee, servant of the realms of Death, I never want to be parted from you ever again, in life or death. We've spent one lifetime together, and I will spend as many as I have left by your side. I know that you've said that you will be my consort, but I want to make things official in a way that I couldn't a lifetime ago. I know we are young, and we don't have to marry anytime soon, but Abby, will you be my wedded spouse and spend the rest of our days together?"
"Yes!" The words were out of Abercius' mouth before he could even think about it. A year ago, he was trying to juggle hiding his and his siblings' secrets from their parents and worrying about school. Now his family was split between realms, with half of them missing, and he was engaged to the future queen of Jubilant Accosts while trying to use his memories of a different lifetime to fight a demon. Brion and Helena were going to freak out whenever he saw them next.
"Oh, thank the Watcher," Helle said, sighing with relief. "For a minute there, I thought you were going to say no and bolt out the door."
"It is a lot to ask Abercius Pryor, someone who is still afraid that his mother might jump out from behind a pillar to scream at him," Abercius laughed. "Absydee knew her answer immediately, and Abercius agrees. Is that weird to say? I feel like the two are merging into one united person, just slowly. Slower than I'd like."
"I feel the same way," Helle reassured him. "It's a little disorienting, but maybe it's easier for me, going from one mortal existence to another. You always seemed to have all the knowledge in the universe in your head back then. It must be a lot to sort through."
"Maybe I can teach theology when this is all settled," Abercius joked. "I now have the answers to so many history and theology tests that I failed in school."
"I'd like to hear them all," Helle replied. "Do you like the ring? It was my mother's. I would never make such a promise to you with a ring I bought my wife. I don't remember my mother very much, but she's been the only family member I feel I can trust. Someone who cared for me because I was her future, just as I know that you will always be my future."
"I love it," Abercius confirmed, looking at the large ring in awe. "Where did you find it though? Did it manifest like the crown did?"
Helle chuckled, and tapped on a loose brick next to the throne.
"Nothing so spectacular. Do you remember how Hetepheres was acting towards the end? Jewelry belonging to her mother began to disappear, as well as some of my own. In order to protect the items that were precious to me, I hid them in the walls. Some of my jewels are hidden in here, and some in the walls of my bedroom. It looks like no one found this stash at least. I'm glad that I still have something from our previous lives to give you."
"Good to know."
A familiar voice rang across the room. The pair turned to find a very familiar deity watching them beside a woman Abercius knew immediately.
"Rani!"
"Abby! I can't believe I'm seeing you! You don't know how much I've missed our talks." Rani beamed at the former reaper. "We have so much to catch up on."
"I should also catch up with you two," Lukas insisted, shooting the Timelady a weary glance. Abercius was more than welcome to Rani's tiresome presence, but they still needed to address the reincarnated pair first. A deity still outranked a Timelady no matter what realm they were in.
Abercius tried not to wilt in Lukas' presence. No matter how many times Helle told him that he had made the right choice to leave the reapers behind, he was still plagued by guilt. Lukas was married to Izanami and could tell him that he should hate Abercius for Absydee's sins.
But he had to be brave if he was going to be a consort to Helle. He needed to project the same confidence as Helena did when she snuck out of the house to see Phuong. He needed the self acceptance that Brion was developing every time the full moon came and he shifted forms without drawing attention to himself.
"Yes, we should talk about a lot of things," Abercius stated, trying to sound authoritative. "I'd like that."
I look different now. I'm younger than I've ever been; I have a mother and father, and siblings. I just asked out the most beautiful girl I've ever known, only to find out that she once asked me to be with her centuries ago.
When I was a reaper tasked with overseeing the reaper team of Yacothia, I'd forsaken my duties to follow Apophis into death and then rebirth. The defenses of Jubilant Accosts began to fall after I abandoned my post. If I had let Apophis go, would my team have been saved from the end they'd suffered? Would Xexys have have gotten this far out of control?
My mind always goes to Izanami and his love when I think of Apophis. I've watched the two of them through the portal gate when they would come to reseal Xexys and Jubilant Accosts away.
They never noticed me watching them as they were too wrapped up in their own lives. In their own happiness. They were cute to watch together.
Izanami never asked for a report on my team or its activities. He never ventured into Jubilant Accosts for himself.
Now, seeing the memories of his spouse, I can understand why, so I don't take it personally. Izanami didn't check in with a lot of reaper teams. He was either too busy with Lord Lukas during their happy times, or heartbroken over their separation. Death had chosen the same path as I had, choosing his heart over his work, no matter what the consequences were for other people.
"I wish you were dead! I want you to be dead! I don't want to share any realm with you, even if it means living in fucking Jubilant Accosts! You've already ruined any chance of happiness that I had, so piss off and leave me alone! Just leave me alone! We've done our job, so fucking leave!"
I'm glad to have found out that my exalted lords did find their way back to each other after this fight. It was upsetting to watch. From my spot in another realm, I struggled to understand how Lord Izanami had lost his mate's love this badly, considering how happy they had always appeared to be in their previous visits.
"I won't bother you any further. I'll see you the next time we need to reseal this realm". He paused. "It was nice seeing you, Lukas."
I've never heard Lord Izanami sound so miserable. He has always been calm, collected, and very much in control of himself with his reapers. To hear him nearly beg for the Life deity's attention was alarming. It made made my own feelings for Apophis seem like a simple infatuation. My heart broke for him.
There was pain written all over the face of the Life deity as well. Something had broken between them.
The previous deity of Life was a mystery to me. He helped seal Jubilant Accosts and was responsible for the transformation of most of the angels into demons. Most of them anyway. The Demon of Nightmares and the Great Demons were old enough and stronger than most demons. They may have twisted themselves into demons before their Sovereign. It didn't really matter what the timeline was, only that Life, no matter which deity guarded that realm, wielded incredible power. More than enough to make demons bow before them. The equal to the god of Death.
I saw Life linger by the portal, after Lord Izanami had left. They seemed lost and angry even when they were alone. The portal had yet to close completely, and Life was nervously fidgeting with the Life energy swirling around the gate.
"The only place that I can merge myself with him is this stupid door," they muttered to themselves. "Life and Death together. All for what? To protect us from some demon? I can't keep a child, but this door can hold both of us together? A door?!"
"But this door can hold us together!" Lukas exclaimed, their eyes glinting with excitement. "I can create anything except a piece of Death, but there's already a piece of Death fused with Life here. If I could make a body with some of the energy borrowed from the portal...it might work."
I watched as Life drew energy from the portal. It flowed towards them, slowly at first, shimmering in the light of the sun. It pooled in their hand as it began to shape itself according to Life's wishes. A small head formed at the top of it, little limbs following lower down. If it had been able to continue to form, it would, without a doubt, look just like an infant.
But the energy stopped flowing from the portal, and the creature Life was attempting to build in their hands collapsed back into the shapeless form it had started from.
"Dammit! God fucking dammit! I almost had it! It was almost mine!"
Life raged at this failure, picking up rocks to throw at the palace wall and screaming loud enough for all of Pleasantview to hear echo from the cliff. They glowered at the portal, enraged by the swirl of magic that they couldn't control.
"If I can't use this, then take that too," they yelled, lifting their arms and hurling the excess energy they'd made for their experiment at the portal. "Let there be more Life energy than it needs in there. Maybe it will be so much that I don't need to come back to this fucking place for awhile. Izanami can just come here by himself. Wouldn't that be nice?"
I know what you did.
I can hear their voice talk over my memories. They've formed a connection here for when I awakened. They were never here for Helle; this dream, message, whatever was all for me. It was both accusation and admiration.
You used Life to manipulate Death. Not many reapers would even try that. You must love him very much.
"I do," I replied. They nodded approvingly.
You took the extra Life energy and infused it with a dead soul, knowing that it would destroy you. That's bold. Bold enough that Izanami would likely do the same in your position.
"I'm relieved to hear that he might understand. I wasn't certain exactly what would happen, though I had a strong theory. A dead soul infused with Life, especially energy that Life themselves manipulated beforehand- my hope was to trigger a rebirth or even just a renewal of the life he had. I didn't dare hope that I might be able to follow him."
Life energy is unpredictable, just like life itself. Don't attempt it again. I don't intend on leaving behind that same kind of energy, and the portal is dangerously unstable as it is.
"I won't," I promised. "All I wanted was a chance at happiness with Apophis. If we die now, we won't be separated for an eternity or however long I would have served as a reaper."
Yes, it must be strange to be a mortal. How do you like my realm so far? I'm a little biased about it, of course, but for a servant of Death to willingly disobey in order to join my realm? I might tease Izanami about this for the next few centuries.
"L-Lord Izanami?"
Don't worry, I'm sure that he doesn't remember you. He's not exactly attentive to the job these days. If you want to make it up to him, you can help me put this realm back in order.
"Of course. I-I didn't know that things would go so badly. I thought that I'd be replaced. If I'd known, I never would have-"
Yes, you would have, and so would I. But there is a reason that you've reincarnated at this moment. Apophis died centuries ago. You two have come of age during the greatest crisis this realm has faced. Your lover has already been prophesied to return to destroy his enemies, and you have seen the destruction your absence has caused. You have a duty to this realm and you will do everything in your power to help me reclaim it.
"I don't have my abilities as a reaper. I've only been taught mediocre magic in this life."
Then you're going to learn better magic. You have two friends from Tredony who are used to casting extremely powerful magic. Get them to teach you. Your queen is going to need your support.
"My queen? You mean Helle?"
Who else?
Who else? Of course it was Helle. Apophis. The former king prophesied to defeat his enemies. To bring order back to Jubilant Accosts. To retake the throne that had been stolen from him.
I hadn't thought that far ahead. It was enough just to try to balance the two lifetimes in my head. Helle was going to be queen, and presumably, I'd become her consort. Absydee would see this as the chance to become Apophis' spouse and consort; Abercius Pryor saw this as the highest sin against the Proxy, which would also draw an uncomfortable amount of attention to a shy teen who usually hid behind his bolder siblings. If my mother was still alive, she would probably try to kill me herself for restoring the enemy of the Proxy to power.
"Yes, Lordum Lukas. I will serve the realm, no matter the cost. I have my love at my side, and I will do all that I can."
I felt the presence of the deity leave, satisfied with my oath. I was committed now to learning proper magic and standing beside Helle as she reclaimed the throne in a land hostile to the memory of the monarchy. It was my penance for abandoning my duty in the first place.
My siblings would help me through this if they were here. Brion would know what to do, and Helena would insist on telling me what to do. Even James might have something to offer...maybe. How was I going to explain to them that I used to be an immortal creature in love with an ancient king? Maybe a werewolf and a sister who impregnated another werewolf could understand. I hoped that they would. We weren't exactly raised to support the idea of a monarchy, and I was about to help Helle take down the office of the Proxy.
But my abilities as a reaper were gone. The Pryor family hadn't been assigned offensive magic, much to Helena's dismay. We weren't allowed to attend Shadowvale or read the textbooks that Helena's friend would sometimes sneak her. I was allowed to study defensive magic and healing, which I found boring, but it was fine. Helena had a passion to learn darker aligned magic, while I was just glad to be learning something magical at all.
Healing magic felt aligned with the realm of Life, which is where my loyalties lie now, so maybe it will be of some use.
There was one spell easy enough for all children to learn: the Declaration of Identity. I remember composing my declaration shortly after my creation: "Absydee, servant of the realm of Death."
I can also remember sitting in elementary school, composing my first declaration in my beginner defensive magic class: "Abercius Pryor, follower of Jacob." Those Jacobeans started their brainwashing early.
But what was my declaration now? Which statement was stronger? Had anything changed at all?
I extended my arm, summoning the most basic of all magic. To my surprise, this was actually quite difficult. Absydee and Abercius were in a tug of war, causing the energy to flicker in our hand.
I closed my eyes, trying to settle the division in my mind. There wasn't two of us. We were the same soul in two different bodies, we just needed time to sort this all out. Abercius and Absydee were both me. Helle and Apophis were both my love. In both lifetimes, I swore to defend Jubilant Accosts at all costs.
The energy snapped into focus an instant later, blazing a single word for me to see: "Abby."
Fair enough. I could work with that.
"Abercius? Are you back from your errands? I got an important call from Despina. Something's happened to Helle."
My attention snapped to the door. Before I could shout out for privacy, Adam poked his head in the room and smiled when we made eye contact.
"Oh, good, you're here. Despina's worried about Helle. Apparently, she, Helle, and Theo were trying to meditate together to help with Helle's dreams, and Helle summoned a crown? I'm not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds important."
I smiled nervously, thankful that he hadn't linked Helle's dreams about Apophis to the prophesy of that same king being reincarnated.
I didn't know what to do with my hands anymore. Adam kept looking at me, but I didn't know what to say. Did I admit to what I knew about the situation? Couldn't I have just a minute to process remembering an entire lifetime before I had to help console the Tredonians?
"Where's Helle now? How's she feeling, did she say?"
Does she hate me? Can she forgive what I did centuries ago? Does she understand what happened? She must be so confused.
"Theo said that she was hearing voices or something. She went back to her gallery to rest. Theo and Despina are going to go with her to watch over her in case something else happens, but they figured that you would want to come stay with her too."
"Y-yes, I should go. I'm glad she's not alone, since she's my...."
I couldn't finish the sentence. What was my relationship with Helle? I mean, Apophis. No, it's Helle. Was she my girlfriend? My ex lover? The man I'd damned Jubilant Accosts to save?
"Your partner?" Adam suggested. He winked at me. "It's okay to admit it, we all know anyway. You guys are great together. I think that she could really use your help right now."
"I'll head over there," I lied. "Let Theo and Despina know that I'm on my way."
The last thing I needed was to reunite with Helle with the Tredonians watching. We needed privacy to work this out. I needed time to figure out who I was. Only then could I try to figure out how my relationship with Helle/Apophis was going to be.
"Hey, are you feeling okay? Your eye looks a little weird," Adam asked. I didn't need to look in the mirror to know what he was talking about. The only thing I didn't know was if it was permanent.
"I'm fine, it's probably nothing. I'll see you later, Adam."
I was born Apophis Xechasménaeizam, son of Queen Neith Xechasménaeizam. I was once king of Yacothia.
I remember the throne room. The wood, the statues, the beautiful stained glass windows...all of it. I remember when I came of age and accepted the crown. Back then, it was the happiest day of my life, but now, I've definitely known happier.
My mother died early on in my life, and I don't remember her. I do remember the portrait of her that hung in the hall, reminding everyone of who they had lost. Of who I was replacing. I'd like to think that my mother would have been proud of my reign, until the end of it, at least.
I had a sister named Ranya. We were as close as two siblings raised to lead very different lives could be. She tried her best to be a good princess of Yacothia, but even when she wasn't, she was always a good sister.
Ranya married into the lands of Tredony. Not the Tredony that was separated from our realm and became Pleasantview, but the remnants of that separation. The few Tredonian lords trapped here in Jubilant Accosts tried to rebuild their lands and power, and Ranya was devoted to the cause. From what I've read in the history books, after my death, she died brutally after trying to protect Yacothia. She didn't deserve that end. I miss her.
My wife never had my love. I'm not ashamed to admit that, as I know that she felt the same. It was an arranged marriage that produced only one child. My queen was fragile, too frail to have other heirs, but she often stood beside my throne, to remind our subjects that she still lived even if she was not seen very often.
I first met Absydee in a garden. She was working nearby, and decided to take a break to wander through the flowers. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in all my life. I made it a priority to wander through whatever garden I could find, hoping to find her there. In the end, I had my own gardens planted, hoping to draw her in.
It worked. We spent many happy days together, breathing in the scent of the blooms, and being warmed by the sun.
She told me what she was, what she did, but my heart didn't care. She was mine, and I was hers. I was proud of her for defending our realm, for doing a thankless job that never got the same praise as I did for doing absolutely nothing. She often teased me for looking so old, while she looked like a young woman, and was countless centuries older than I was. The old man who had a midlife crisis with a young girl who was old enough to see the night sky be formed.
I loved that woman until the day I died-or I would have, had I properly died. I remember my vision getting dark, feel my breathing hitch and then end...and then the familiar warmth of Absydee next to me. I heard her scream and then cry and then...nothing.
And then, by a miracle, I was reborn as Helle Dean, daughter of Winnie and Ezra Dean. Twin sister of Gabriel Dean. I can see it all now, as easily as reading a book. My mother knew that her family would be targeted by the Proxy one day, and they would take her twin babies and sacrifice them to the Watcher to continue the blessing of Jubilant Accosts. Winnie couldn't bear to lose both of her children to the Watcher, so she hid one of her children.
Under the cover of darkness, my mother took me to the edge of the settlement, where I might be discovered and taken in by the Proxy. There is nothing like the DNA tests they have in Tredony here, and I was taken in without question. I had no vampire fangs or werewolf teeth, so I passed the screening.
Away from my family, I would be safe. I wouldn't know the love of the Dean family, but I would live. I can't imagine what it must have been like to have me over at the house, playing with her other children. I regularly hung out with Tiffany, Abercius and his little brother, Jason.
I even met Gabriel, though I'd never know my connection to him while he was alive. He was kind and sweet, and never teased me for not having a family like some of the other kids did. I wished I had known that he was my brother back then. Maybe I could have saved him.
But I'm different in some way. I'm special. I am the fulfillment of the prophesy of the reborn king. I was born to defeat my former enemies and avenge Jubilant Accosts. It's my job to somehow make things right, but reincarnation is so messy.....
Reincarnation is messy. I was created alongside the universe to serve the realm of Death. From the very first days of the stars, I have been at their whim, and destined to serve.
I was not created with parents or a family. I don't have memories of living a life, dying, and then ascending to be a reaper. Humanity has always intrigued me for that reason. Their lives were fleeting, and then they ended up in an eternal afterlife, longing to return to the brilliant light of the realm of Life. Eventually, my lord, Izanami, allowed dead mortals to ascend and become reapers like me so that some of them had a chance to return to their old realm. So long as you weren't a ruling monarch in your life, the only heir to a title or one of Life's servants, a soul could return as a reaper as long as they were willing to serve for centuries at a time.
It's not an easy job. You see suffering, illness, and lives cut short far too young, and you're powerless to change it. Once a death is recorded in Death’s books, it cannot be undone. Reaping children who could have been saved by any mortal intervention would surely devastate a mortal born reaper; it was hard enough for reapers like me to endure and I had never had a family. Just my coworkers, and our brilliant leader, Izanami.
And then I met him and my whole existence changed.
Apophis was funny, attractive, and sure of himself. He knew what he wanted from life, and he wanted me.
Reapers are designed to fit in among the living in order to do their jobs. We help the living, even if they don't appreciate our efforts. A reaper is safer with a living spouse to hide them, and we were created with this in mind. A reaper can form a powerful attachment to a living soul that binds both parties until that mortal passes into the realm of death. We feel their heartbeat stimulate our own until both organs beat together. We ignore all reason if it could save our partner. We feel them next to us even when separated by great distances. It is a bond too powerful to risk on a fling. It is a sign of true love and commitment.
I loved him with everything that I had, and I know that he did the same. He would often speak of impossible dreams, like him taking me as an official mistress of the king while his wife lived, or making me his queen and removing his daughter from the succession.
He wanted children with me. I told him that wasn't going to happen. Reapers must blend in with the living population and having a member of the royal family who was immortal certainly wouldn't help. I would fired if I became his queen. It went against every rule a reaper lived by, and I had no doubt that I'd be expelled from Jubilant Accosts, forever separated from him if I gave into that temptation. He had my heart, and that would have to be enough.
I had a job to do, and as leader of the entire Jubilant Accosts reaper team, I was very busy. I was friends with the Timelady of Ticktop, despite her snobbish attitude. I often wondered if Ticktop had nominated her for the position just to get rid of her, or if all Timelords and Timeladies were as stubborn as she was. No place was ever as good as Ticktop was, and we could only aspire to become more like them. I know now that Ticktop fell after my betrayal of my duties, and I wonder if she can ever forgive me for it. So many bad things happened to so many people because of me and my failure. I don't know how to set any of it right again. I don't think I ever can.
I warned Apophis that the bonds between a reaper and their bonded soul were strong, though I doubt that he realized just how strong they were. I've seen reapers take a new living spouse soon after their last one had died, and I've seen reapers driven mad by their spouse's passing. There were even reapers who took reaper spouses just to avoid the pain of losing a mortal spouse, only to be driven mad by the power of two reapers trying to join together. Every reaper was different, and no one knew just how they'd attach to a mate. I assumed that I would be one of the reapers who took a spouse every century or so, just to blend in enough to become better at my job. I couldn't have been more wrong about that assumption.
If you asked Rani about my love life, she'd tell you how happy I was with Apophis. She'd listen to every detail I could tell her, and then ask for more. She was always looking for a love of her own, and I hope that she found one when I passed. It would be cruel to ask her to serve so long without the love and support she deserved.
I would often visit the castle, not as Absydee, leader of the reapers, but as the humble maiden, Abby, who spent far too much time in the king's bed to actually be a maiden.
But as happy as we were, the throne always loomed over us. Apophis' sister resented our relationship because she had had to marry for power, and would be executed for taking a lover like her brother had.
His daughter was a nightmare, who acted like she was already the queen of Yacothia, while her father still lived. She had a lover of her own, but unlike her father, she did not have an heir. Apophis arranged a husband for her, who was kind and had deep pockets. He was so kind hearted, he might even turn a blind eye to his wife's lover, so long as their children still looked like his. Herepheres had everything her father could give her, but she lacked basic sense. She managed her money poorly, and flaunted her relationship with a knight of the realm. The few times she allowed me to share a room with her and her father, Hetepheres acted like I wasn't there. Every day, she waited for the day her father would die and leave the kingdom in her unsteady hands.
Until one day, she grew tired of waiting.
Apophis was shot in the back three times while out hunting with his court. As team leader, the reaping assignments appeared in my book so that I could distribute them to the team. I felt Apophis' spirit leave his body before I saw his name engrave itself on the page.
Apophis Xechasménaeizam. Cause of death: homocide. 11:34 am.
The book doesn't tell us who the guilty party is when a death has been ruled as a homicide. That's up to the mortal justice system to discover; we just collect the soul.
I knew what had happened before I even arrived at the scene. It was Hetepheres. Her father's body was barely even cold and she'd already called for someone to confirm the "accident" so that the bloodied crown could legally pass to her.
I had to reap my love, my bonded mate. His name was in Death’s book and that couldn't be changed. There was no way of just stuffing his soul back into his body and hoping he'd wake up. Apophis was dead.
Already, I could feel the physical changes start. Once Apophis' heart stopped beating, mine had nothing to sync to. It lay dormant once more in my chest as Apophis' soul detached itself from his physical remains. In our years together, I'd forgotten how cold and lonely the realm of Death was. No wonder some reapers immediately sought new spouses when theirs died. The silence became unbearable.
I thought of Lord Izanami and my training. This could not be undone.
I could visit Apophis in the afterlife. We could talk and reminisce about his lifetime and our time together, but reapers worked among the living. There are teams of reapers who staff the afterlife, but at the time, no reaper no matter where they were stationed was allowed to be with a dead soul. I hope that rule has been changed in the centuries since, but it was non-negotiable when Apophis died. I had always planned to end our relationship and move on after a number of years with a new mortal. That was the plan, but now that I was here, standing over his dead body, I couldn't let Apophis go.
I was about to despair when my mind recalled something I'd seen concerning Lord Izanami and the replacement Life deity. Some spark of hope, no matter how dangerous or forbidden it was.
It would cost me everything, but I knew how to fix this. I told myself that I wasn't really needed here. My team would select a new leader and perhaps hire a formerly mortal reaper to replace me. My team would support Rani and the Dream Guardian.
I could hear Izanami curse at me in my mind. He would be devastated that I was abandoning my post and responsibilities. I don't think I could even endure the wrath he would hurl at me if he knew what I was doing.
But I had seen the way his eyes followed the new Life deity myself. Even if Life was angry with him, Izanami had fallen for them just as hard as I'd fallen for Apophis. He'd be furious at me, but I know that he'd understand. He would do to same to save his soulmate.
Apophis always wanted us to be together, away from the throne and my responsibilities. Just Apophis and Abby. This would give us that chance. We'd have nothing but each other, but that was exactly what we wanted.
I would find him again. He was the other half of my heart, so I knew that I would find him again, no matter where we ended up. I will always find him.
I broke the laws of the universe itself so that we could be together.
Reincarnation is messy. It's painful, confusing, and when it's all said and done, you don't have a clue who you are anymore. It was easier the first time, when I had my biological parents there with me, using my connection to them to speed up the process.
The second time, I had no preparation. I had barely enough strength left to just start the process. Every ounce of power I'd clung to over the centuries only guaranteed that the energy who made me who I was, my soul, would transfer itself from the corpse I was trapped in. I couldn't choose my form or where I would be born, or choose to reappear as an adult. I was a baby, born into a world that had forgotten me.
My champions were dead, products of a distant past. Izanami hadn't been in the mortal realm since the Demon Wars. The afterlife trembled when I ripped my power unknowingly from the granddaughter who was channeling it. Everyone expected me to reappear as a fully powered adult deity, but I was nowhere to be found. The god of Life was missing.
I was born to a woman I've never known. Suddenly finding herself pregnant with an infant that looked nothing like her and presumably her spouse, she surrendered me to an orphanage. At least, that's what my file said. I don't blame her; she was a victim of chance. I couldn't control where I reincarnated and she never agreed to reincarnate a god. I assume that it was decided by the Ocean, though I've never been brave enough to ask.
My legal name was Rey Gallagher, chosen at random by the orphanage. I don't use that name anymore, as it's not my true name. Besides, Rey Gallagher has a few legal charges that could still be brought against her if the monarchy so chose. Attempted regicide doesn't ever come off your permanent record.
My best friend and foster sister, Paige, was my rock. No matter what happened, she was there for me. We were there for each other. Neither of us were adopted as children, so we decided that we'd be all the family we needed. She never was adopted.
Then, when I was thirteen, my powers began to awaken. Small cracks of my true self began to shine through. An orphan with no one, living in poverty, saw the wealth of the Crystal Cove king and suddenly had the power to take that wealth for herself. I had the castle overtaken, the queen consort comatose, and the living king twisted in the control of the god of living things. They called it attempted regicide despite Liam never being in any real danger. Even though I didn't remember it then, I can't use the power of Life to kill, which I have pointed out to many castle security guards since then. They never seem interested in listening to my side of the story.
I was living what a thirteen year old orphan thought was the high life, until I saw him. A dark, terrifying creature with piercing gold eyes. He sat on my stolen throne, watching me with fury in his eyes.
"What have you done with Lukas? Answer me, and I might let you live."
Not many people can stare Death in the face and still be pissed that he was usurping their stolen throne. I think that's when he first recognized me for who I was. His demeanor changed then from anger to something I can't describe. Hurt maybe that I didn't recognize him? Anger that I had been using my power to damage the living realm? Hope that I hadn't been lost like the world assumed I was? That unlike Riley, I had come back?
In an instant, the castle disappeared, and I was alone with Death in an abandoned house on the border of Crystal Cove. Memories began to trickle in as I watched him. Slowly at first, and then with increasing speed the longer we watched each other.
I was a deity, and so was he. We were two halves of one coin, completely opposite, but both needed to balance the world. I had a family, one that missed me desperately despite how fractured it was. I wasn't an orphan at all, or even female. I had been a not so great husband or father, that much I could remember, though the details were still hazy. I could remember the son who had rendered my second incarnation incapable of sustaining Life. I could remember him very clearly. While I can't truly kill someone as Life, there are loopholes to be exploited. Much like Kamalani Bellamy, Luke Jr quickly found that out once I remembered what he'd done.
My memory of my past life, of my true identity, was incomplete. I was stuck in my teenage body, trying to relearn my abilities and sworn duties while balancing the identity I had been building for thirteen years.
Two reapers officially adopted me so that I could process the changes in my existence in a safe (for the mortals) environment. Paige was upset to see me go, but we still kept in touch. Another nasty side effect of reincarnation is trying to explain to your friends that you're actually a deity who has existed for many centuries and protects the living realm.
And the homework sucks too. I tell all the teens that I interact with that I understand their hatred of homework and they never believe me.
I learned how to drive a car as a teenager. Everyone in my life usually teleports to get where they want, and I'm no exception. There's still something thrilling about feeling the wind in your hair or racing down a highway well past the speed limit. I don't own a car or have a license for that matter (Queen Claudia promised to grant me one in exchange for the safe return of her favourite earrings though). It's something that I want to teach my twins before they go to university. I'd never really driven before this incarnation, probably because my parents both loved cars and driving. It was a reminder of a time when my family was happy. When Riley and Leander were born.
I didn't understand why Izanami was so distant back then. We were clearly meant to work together, just as I was told we had in the past, but he kept me at arms length. We met once a week to go over my duties, and discuss what I could remember of my true self. He always looked hopeful that I might have some breakthrough, but I never did. I was mesmerized by the dark, mysterious deity to the point of obsession, but Izanami always (correctly) ignored my advances, saying that he was not attracted to a teenager, and even when I was an adult, he knew that he would only bring me pain in a relationship. Didn't I remember how things ended between us a lifetime ago?
I didn't. Not for a long time, and when I did? I may have been a little upset that he'd lied by ommission to me. Flames were involved.
Somethings never change from lifetime to lifetime. My best friend and half-brother, Reese, has been a constant in all of my lifetimes. He has a flair for the dramatic inherited straight from our father, but once I recovered my memories of my past incarnations, we picked our friendship up like centuries hadn't passed between us.
I went back to my assigned duties with an enthusiasm I'd never had before. Things had changed so much in the time I was gone, and I was determined to understand every part of my role as Life so that I could never be caught off guard again. I found my creations, still safely embedded in the reaper teams I had left them in
and after a brief incident involving the afterlife offices and fire, I released them into the care of the Grim Reaper. I was stepping back and fixing the mistakes of my past (and of the prior week in the case of the fire). You need to grow from your past life. Don't make the same mistakes and waste the time you're given.
It's hard sometimes to balance the old me, with my old habits and memories
and my new existence. It's taken me more time than you've even been alive to process what's changed, and what's stayed the same. I hope my example can help speed up the process.
But I know that it will take you two a great deal of time to work it all out, because reincarnation is messy.
Helle marveled at her new ability to levitate, while Theo deliberately rose up higher than she had in order to show off. The Tredonians were full of interesting tricks, some of which, Helle was surprised to have picked up so easily. With nothing but mental concentration, she was now a few feet off the ground like she was practicing sorcery.
Helle had gone over to the house to apologize to Abercius, but he hadn't been there. Apparently, he had something else more pressing to do and had left for the day, leaving Helle in the clutches of Despina. The eager witch had recently gained some confidence, and wanted to have another try at fixing Helle's dreams. Abercius had often visited the Dean house with his little brother, so Helle guessed that maybe she would find him sulking there if he was too afraid to enter his own home. Abercius wasn't at the Dean house, but Theo and Despina had still insisted on trying whatever they could to help with her dreams.
"That could be the meditation starting to relax you," Despina replied. "You're in a relaxed state, outside in the sunshine; it has to be working. I know that it will be easier to manage your dreams if you're relaxed better than before."
"No, I actually feel really funny," Helle stated, beginning to worry about how high she was off the ground and how much it might hurt if she fell. "I feel cold and sweaty and a little dizzy. This might be too much for a first try at meditation."
She closed her eyes, but that only made things worse. Images flashed in her head far too quickly to comprehend, aside from the unmistakable glowing eye of Absydee.
Apophis, please. The world would stop spinning if we stayed here together.
"I don't think that sounds right, Helle," Theo remarked. "Not even the meditation we studied in Shadowvale made me feel cold. Maybe you're getting sick."
"No one is sick," Despina declared. "I'm not going to fail this time. We can work through this and get your nightmares under control. Abercius mentioned that they were really starting to impact your daily life."
Helle tried not to cringe, just in case she broke her focus and tumbled to the ground. So Abercius had been upset about the paintings and her rambling about the dead woman she was now obsessed over. At least she now had that confirmed.
You are the king, make Hetepheres obey! She cannot marry a knight, and Watcher help us if she has his bastard child! Do something, Apophis!
A light shone that was somehow even brighter when Helle closed her eyes. First she was dreaming about the past, and now she was hearing voices. She was losing her mind.
Ranya, don't leave here angry at me. You're my sister. We can talk about this.
"It's so strong," Helle groaned, somehow managing to kick out her feet to touch the ground once more. "I think I'm going to be sick. Do you hear the voices too? They just keep getting louder."
"Voices? Are they telling you to marry Abercius or to dump him because they don't like him?" Helle could faintly hear Theo speak if she tried to focus on his voice. "You don't have to listen to them. They're not even allowed to be here. They're just really bitchy dead people for the most part. No one tells me what else they are, but there's definitely a lot of dead people with dumb opinions."
"Despina? Is this supposed to be happening?! My hand feels like it's on fire. Despina?"
Helle extended her arm, shocked to see her hand enveloped in an intense light. If she squinted hard enough, she thought she could make out the outline of an object materializing in her hand.
"No, this is definitely not dream magic!" Despina replied, staring at Helle in shock. "There is nothing written in my book about this! Theo? Is this Jubilant Accosts magic? You must have studied this!"
"They only let me study the demon stuff!" Theo insisted. "Helle's not a demon, so none of that matters!"
Helle could feel the weight of something metallic begin to settle in her hand. As the light faded, she found that the metal was cool to the touch, and encrusted with jewels that shone in the fading light.
"It...it's a crown," she whispered. The voices in her head somehow got louder, until her friends were drowned out completely.
This is yours now, Apophis. You are of age to rule. Guard this crown with your life and serve the Watcher always.
Helle slipped the crown on her head. It fit perfectly over her hair, and despite the weight of it, Helle could move her head easily.
"Helle? Did you just summon a crown?"
Helle looked down the street to the ruins of the Yacothian castle. Over the years, the various proxies had forbidden anyone from entering the area, citing the unholy acts that took place on the land. She had always wondered what the castle looked like growing up. She had no family or land aside from the gallery the Proxy gave to her, and there was a huge castle just sitting empty on the hill where people could live.
Were the sins of the royal family too great for the land to ever be reclaimed again? She didn't remember sinning all that much, though Hetepheres could have done anything when she took the throne. Her daughter was a case too hopeless for even the Watcher, she feared. No! He feared. Apophis feared. And yet-Hetepheres was also her daughter. Helle's. Apophis'. The same person, one soul in two lifetimes.
Ah, you're finally awakening. Good. I promised that I'd walk you through this, so I hope that this transition goes smoothly and triggers all at once. My last reincarnation, I awakened at thirteen, but didn't trigger all of my memories until my twenties.
With all of the chaos twisting her mind, Helle could hear the deity call for her. It took everything she had just to focus on their voice.
Your soul is less complicated than mine, so I think this will be it. Be prepared for a hell of a ride.
Here, follow my memories as an example. That's my dad, Luke. My original dad, not whoever's genetics I had inherited with this new body. Your mother was Queen Neith, but you have a genetic family in this life too, who you may want to connect with. It takes a while to get used to the idea, I know, but reincarnation goes easier if you have a support network.
"Lukas, I'm sorry. I never would have left if I'd known you were in danger. I should have stopped this. I might have fixed this, if...if...I'm so sorry."
Oops. Ignore that. You don't need a lesson in being comatose for several centuries while your ex finally knows what it's like to lose you. It's all jumbled up in my head, and I've never had to explain reincarnation to someone before.
Let's see, where did your ending begin? A love affair with an immortal just slightly less clueless about people than her boss. Someone who might break the laws of what is permitted to save her love.
Murder by your own blood. A soulmate in turmoil. Did she ever tell you just how powerful reaper bonds are with their partners?
Are you ready? Follow me.
Helle clutched her head as a blinding pain seared through her mind, purging everything but the words she could hear repeating over and over.
"Reincarnating is messy. Reincarnating is messy. Reincarnating is messy...."
Helle Seavey tried to clear her head, but nothing seemed to help. Ever since she'd met with Despina, her dreams had been out of control. She'd been out of control.
The nightmares were stronger than ever, and were no longer limited just to the hours she was asleep. It was fortunate that the Proxy wasn't able to pay her a visit, since she had been failing all of her regular duties in order to spend every waking hour painting.
The visions she'd seen were engraved upon her mind. There was no escaping the beautiful woman with the glowing eye, or the way that she looked at Apophis. How had she never seen this Absydee in her dreams before? Where had she been hiding all this time?
The connection to her nightmares felt personal. She'd always felt affection for the king as a tragic figure in history, but he was becoming real to her in a way that defied logic. Her thoughts were consumed by him and his mistress. She'd painted that single glowing eye again and again, until she swore she could almost feel it staring back at her.
Helle needed Despina's help, even though the Tredonian had failed in her first attempt. This was getting out of control, during a time where Helle very much needed to be able to rely on herself. If she couldn't focus on avoiding the dream plague, she may fall victim to it.
Abercius cautiously opened the door to Helle's gallery home. Helle often left the front door unlocked, despite the threat of fighting vampires and werewolves, or of Xexys himself. He would have to remind her of the dangers, and hope that she didn't turn around and lecture him about traveling in the middle of the night. Abercius' mother would be livid if she knew where he was and at what time of night he was out, This whole sneaking around to see a girl was Helena's usual skill set, not his.
He noticed a few new paintings hanging on the wall that matched what he'd seen in Helle's dream. Portraits depicting some of the members of the royal family were hung in prominent places. If the Proxy had seen this, he would have been incensed. This gallery would have been burnt as an apology to the Watcher. Now that the Proxy was gone, was "heresy" like this going to be allowed? Abercius refused to let anyone hurt Helle for any reason.
"Abby, it's a bit late for you to be stopping by. What's wrong?"
"I just had to see you," Abercius explained. "I was having a weird dream that was similar to the one you had the other day, and I just had to come find you. I like the new paintings that are up. They're very...historical."
"You can say heretical," she laughed. "I can see it on your face. I wouldn't display them if times weren't dire. Maybe someone will see a painting and have information about what I see in my dreams. Maybe enough people will buy them that we have a sudden swell of support for the old teachings. Maybe this is what I'm supposed to be doing now that the Proxy is gone. It's a nice thought." She paused for a moment, then beckoned Abercius to follow her. "Let me show you what I've been working on. Promise you won't freak out."
Abercius followed Helle into her living quarters, expecting to see a few paintings hung on the wall. Helle sometimes let him pick out new pieces to display in the gallery by displaying them on a blank wall. This was something else entirely.
Nearly all of her walls were covered with pictures of the woman from Helle's dream. Everywhere he looked, there was a picture of Absydee staring back at him with her unsettling eye.
"How did you even have time to paint all these?" he asked, staring at the walls with a mix of appreciation and horror.
"I haven't slept much since I've seen Absydee," Helle explained. Her eyes looked tired, and her right hand trembled slightly as she gestured to the paintings. "I usually channel my dreams into my art, but this feels different. If I could just paint her into existence, she could answer so many of my questions. It's a crazy idea, right? Aside from the obvious heresy, of course, but I feel like she's been just outside of my grasp this entire time. Like I can channel her into my canvas and bring her to life. I can't explain how driven I am by this woman, but I am. Apophis feels real to me, especially with all the detail I get of him in my dreams, but Absydee? I feel like I can't breathe until I can see her smile. I call out to her, and even though I know that it's crazy, my body still waits to hear her reply. Is this making sense? I don't think any of this is making sense."
Abercius was quiet as he thought about the question. Did any of what Helle'd just said make sense? Not particularly. Still, he'd experienced some of her dreams for himself and how intense they could be, so maybe there was some truth to her apparent madness.
"I dreamt of her earlier," Abercius offered. "That was why I came to talk to you. It was nothing as strong as...this, but I saw her again. Maybe she really is real, and she's trying to communicate with you. Despina says that that's not a thing that happens, but she doesn't know everything. Maybe she can help us."
"I hope so, otherwise why do I feel so strongly about her?"
Abercius flinched at the reminder that his girlfriend was currently obsessed with someone who wasn't him. She was likely long dead, so Abercius knew that it didn't make sense to be jealous of a ghost Helle had never met, but it still stung a little. Helena would be yelling at him for such an irrational jealousy if she were there with them, so Abercius did his best to picture his sister beside him.
Helle seemed oblivious to his distress. She stared at her paintings, as if she expected at least one of them to start speaking to her.
"You could paint a portrait of me, so that I could help you," Abercius suggested meekly. "I'm not sure how to help you right now, but I'll try to have more dreams about this woman for your sake."
This suggestion seemed to pull Helle from her thoughts.
"Oh, Abby. You don't need to be jealous of this specter that haunts my dreams," she laughed, pulling him in for a passionate kiss. "You could never compare to a figment of some distant story. I'm sure that I'm dreaming of her for some reason, but not as a replacement for you."
Abercius blushed furiously, but willed himself to let go of his anxious jealousy and enjoy the moment. He was alone with a girl that he liked for the first time in his life, and he didn't dare ruin this chance. Helena would never let him live it down if he did.
Helle threw her shirt and pants to the floor, so Abercius followed her lead. Kissing a pretty girl who liked him back was the best feeling in the world. No wonder Helena was so dedicated to Phuong. He couldn't imagine leaving Helle's side now for anything in the world, not even to escape Xexys. Helle was touching him in the same way that Dream Adam touched Theo in all of the daydreams he'd been forced to watch while Despina struggled to ignore them, so this had to be what a couple in love did, right?
His parents had never really explained what happened between two people in love, except for what was absolutely forbidden by the Watcher. Unmarried teens who kissed and got naked with anyone else were committing a sin. It was still a sin to kiss someone with your clothes on, but doing it while naked was definitely worse. Unmarried people didn't sleep in the same bed, but it was okay to sleep in the same room as your friends, like Abercius was doing with the Tredonians. Obviously, having kids was a part of this potentially sinful process too, since Helena had admitted as much when Phuong got pregnant, and their mother had threatened to murder their father if his affair had resulted in a child.
He would ask the Tredonians about it when he rejoined them, and follow Helle's example until then. She seemed to know what she was doing.
The two teens pulled away from each other with a painful yelp, as the sensation of freezing ice ran through their bodies.
"I can see you. I know what you did. Let me help you when the time comes. It's less confusing when someone can walk you through it. I'm sorry for my part in this. Souls deserve to rest after a long life."
As quickly as the man had appeared, he was suddenly gone.
"Did you see that too?" Helle hissed, looking around her for a ghost or someone with a camera trying to prank her. "I didn't just imagine that, right?"
Abercius shook his head, trying to understand what had just happened for himself.
"No, I felt it too. That was the deity Despina talks to. The one trying to help us. I don't know what they mean though. What did we do? Do I need to ask Despina to get some clarification or is this a private thing?"
"It's directed at me," Helle assured her partner. "It's about my dreams. He must be sending them to me. Maybe he knows how to connect with Absydee. But what did I do? Does this god require offerings like the Watcher does? Is that what he's asking for?"
"They don't want offerings like the Proxy orders," Abercius explained, suddenly focused on a particular painting of Helle's. "They say that we shouldn't sacrifice people like the Proxy says because the Watcher doesn't care either way if we do it. Despina says that Lukas is a bit like me, and that they're not a he. They're both or neither or something else entirely, I didn't ask because I don't think she knows, but they're not a he."
"That's so interesting. You have something in common with a god, Abby! There's so much of this world that the Proxy has kept from us that we need to expose to the others. That's them in the painting, isn't it? I dreamed about them before, what feels like a million years ago. I guess they've been watching over me for a while now. The person who bought that painting looked a lot like them, but they haven't come to claim it yet. Maybe they're waiting for me to...to...I don't know. I wish I knew what these dreams meant and why I keep having them. It's like there's something I'm supposed to remember, but it just won't come into focus."
"I should probably go," Abercius announced, reaching for the pile of clothing he'd left on the floor. "This is all getting to be really overwhelming, and I think I might be better back with the Tredonians. They're probably wondering where I am now and worrying."
"Was the vision too much?" Helle asked anxiously. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to make them stop. The god wants me though, not you, so you don't need to be worried. You're perfectly safe."
"No, I see enough visions because of Despina's work. I should just get back to the others before they start looking for me."
"Did we move too fast? Is that why you're leaving? We can keep our clothes on from now on if you'd like. Other people just seemed to like taking that next step faster, but we don't have to-"
"It's nothing, I promise," Abercius lied. "It's not the dreams or the kissing or the dead woman you've plastered your walls with. I should just get back to the others. I hope you can get some sleep tonight, Helle. I'll see you later."
Helle watched Abercius leave with a heavy heart. He'd come to spend time with her, to talk to her about his dreams, and she'd blown it somehow. She was a lot to deal with, and maybe Abercius couldn't handle it, despite how strongly he cared for her. The dreams, the deity stalking her, the fact that she'd really tried to tell him that she was trying to paint a woman into existence...she wouldn't blame him if he was scared away. No one should want to make out in a room filled floor to ceiling with pictures of a dead woman and the old king.
What was she thinking? Of course Abercius had left. She would have to make it up to him somehow. But until then, Helle reached for her paintbrush and picked up an unfinished canvas. She still had painting to do.
I remember sitting on that Pleasantview hill and looking down at the world below me. It all seemed so small, so unimportant. The castle was still uninhabited by a monarch and wouldn't be for centuries. The city below was growing larger every year, and what would become the Pleasantview coven was beginning to form as witches and warlocks began to band together against the demons.
The only thing that remained unchanged about Pleasantview was the portal leading to Jubilant Accosts, and the need to protect it. Both Life and Death were needed to reseal the portal, which meant that I couldn't avoid Izanami any longer. He had a duty to complete, and even if he couldn't bring himself to care about me, Izanami had always been obsessed with his duty.
I heard his footsteps before he could speak. Clearly, my attempts against him had thrown him off enough that he was beginning to slip up. If I had still believed that I could hurt him, it would have been an excellent opportunity.
"Just cast your part of the spell and leave," I ordered, staring at the ground to avoid having to look at the only person I'd ever loved. It was easier that way; I might have had a moment of weakness and lost my heart all over again if I'd stared into those golden eyes.
"Lukas, be reasonable. We don't need to fight anymore. I don't even know what I've done to make you hate me so much. We have to work together. It's how things are meant to be."
Don't fall for his charm, mortal. He didn't even know why he was apologizing, despite me repeatedly shouting what he'd done at him over the years. He didn't have the right to still be angry about the whole mess with Violet, the murder prone "reaper." My plan had failed, and he had won. Really, I should be the one upset concerning the whole thing.
He extended his hand towards me and released some of the magic of his realm, expecting me to do the same.
"Whatever gets you to leave as fast as possible."
The magic of our combined realms sealed the portal beside us. I watched the energy of Life and Death swirl together, becoming one. That same combination had once sparked a potential new life in me, one that Izanami had been ashamed of.
Suddenly, the idea of sealing of this realm seemed like a cruel joke. Why were we only compatible in this one instance? If Life and Death cancelled each other out in every other circumstance, why did this stupid door to a condemned realm even matter? I could give life to anything except a piece of Death. I could create a line of champions to serve my realm, and I could make a convincing (though a little homicidal) reaper to execute my plans. I was needed to seal away a demon of considerable power, but I couldn't have the life I wanted. The family I wanted. The love of the man I wanted.
Maybe it's easier to serve the realm of the dead. Izanami oversees the ending of lives, the ending of stories. Mortals lose their lives to him, Death is loss. Death is finality. Life is potential. Maybe that's why I don't handle loss well. Well, that or Izanami could be right about the family I come from, and our spectacular penchant for drama.
I remember him reaching out for me, and feeling an uncontrollable rage overtake me in response.
"I wish you were dead! I want you to be dead! I don't want to share any realm with you, even if it means living in fucking Jubilant Accosts! You've already ruined any chance of happiness that I had, so piss off and leave me alone! Just leave me alone! We've done our job, so fucking leave!"
It wasn't my finest hour, I can admit to that much.
it would take two reincarnations and me lightly torching the afterlife for Izanami to admit how much I'd succeeded in hurting him. How he did have feelings that confused him very much. At the time though, he'd said nothing, which was probably the worst thing he could have done.
"I won't bother you any further. I'll see you the next time we need to reseal this realm. It was nice seeing you, Lukas."
We never met again regarding Jubilant Accosts. There were a few more instances where we needed to work together, but they were brief.
Eventually, I realized that if I couldn't remove Death from existence, I could do everything in my power to make him want to leave on his own.
I married one of his reapers and had several kids, just to prove that I could create life. Reapers are mere shadows of Death, and are capable of having children with both living mortals and other reapers. Most of them were once alive before working for Death, meaning that at some point, they had been within my control. It's surprisingly easy to manipulate reapers when you keep that in mind. I made a pretty convincing reaper myself for a very long time.
I created better false reapers, who I used to spy on Izanami and his realm. He's never admitted if he could tell that they didn't belong among his staff, even to this day. They're something I discuss with Gee now, as Izanami usually leaves the room when they're brought up.
I tried my best to get closer to my parents once they died and we officially met. That was a shitshow of its own, but eventually Riley and Leander were born. I had siblings to love and nurture in ways that I know that I failed with my own children. (After finally getting therapy to deal with reincarnating twice and my successful capture of the Crystal Cove throne, I can admit that my ex-wife is right to hate me. The kids too.)
And it all worked. Izanami retired during the Demon Wars, taking off to some tropical place he refuses to name, just in case he needs to escape there again. I think he's joking about that. Either way, I had my wish: Izanami was gone.
I didn't realize the cost of my actions back then or how I would hurt people over the centuries just as badly as Izanami had hurt me.
I remember that day in Pleasantview and the anger coursing through me. I remember feeling constrained by my duties and the frustration of the inevitable course of life being ended by death. Everything I could create would one day end up in Izanami's realm. I couldn't give life to any part of Death despite that being my greatest wish. So I lashed out.
And she was there. I can see it now. Here, free from the bias of my own memory, I can see her. Izanami's reaper was watching from the other side of the portal.
She saw what I did.
And now I know what she did.
A burning soul. I didn't think it was possible. I never intended for this to happen. This is something that Gee's going to freak out about when he finds out. Maybe Izanami will find it funny. It's probably karma catching up with me after all these years of living recklessly.
"Thank you, mortal," Lukas intoned, still reeling from their experience. "That was very helpful. I know now what I need to know. This isn't the work of the demon; this was my own mistake."
Despina stumbled as the trance ended. While the experience had apparently been helpful for the deity, Despina was more confused than ever. Lukas' dreams were loud and powerful and she'd been absolutely right that she couldn't control them the same way she could control her own. They weren't as aggressive as Helle's had been, but Lukas had very much been the one in control of them. Despina doubted that even her father could have interfered with the dreams of a deity, though he would have undoubtedly tried.
The experience had been exhilarating as much as it had been overwhelming. She was going to have to make a record of this to preserve every little detail she could remember. Maybe this encounter would be passed down to another dream magic student, just as King Reyes' records had been passed to her. Still, thank god that Xexys hadn't shown up.
"I'd ask you to keep what you saw in confidence," Lukas said. They looked to be in control of themselves again, ready to once again vanish from sight to carry on their secretive work. "I don't know how much of that you were able to see, but some things aren't intended for mortals to know. Especially some of my earlier...mistakes."
Despina nodded in agreement, despite knowing that she was definitely going to write as much of what she could remember down as soon as possible. Well, she could probably cut out some of the drama and pettiness. She'd hate to be remembered for the worst fight she and Jasper had had.
Theo and Adam had come downstairs for breakfast, only to find the Life deity very clearly involved in some kind of magic with Despina. It wasn't the strangest thing to happen during their time in Jubilant Accosts, and it was somewhat reassuring to finally confirm that Lukas really was doing something to help their mission, whatever it was the two of them had been up to.
"I'm getting a coffee before Despina tries to explain this," Theo announced. "I have a feeling that this is going to be a long story."
I can see it all unfold before me, like it should have been obvious this whole time. Me and Izanami. Together. The dreams I'd envisioned for us. Two soulmates. Life and Death.
This had to have started in Pleasantview. All of it did.
My father, Linus, is the son of Brandi Broke of Pleasantview. His father married Brandi after tragically losing his first wife and children. Their relationship was short-lived, as both of them were really just looking to make the hurt of losing their spouses go away. Linus was never accepted by his half-brothers and always felt that his parents were distant from him, their unhappy mistake.
You could see the Pleasantview castle from the Broke house. No monarch lived in it as the government was then comprised of several councils, all controlled by demons with various agendas, especially ones extending the never ending war across the known world. The castle rose from the ruins of Tredony, and even without a monarch, it was still maintained for private events. A glittering symbol of a long ago past. Just another reminder of the inequality that ravaged Pleasantview.
Beau and Dustin Broke often stared at the castle in the distance, imagining how different their lives may have been if they were raised there instead of a trailer in the cheaper part of Pleasantview.
They would feel better about their lot in life if they could see how Pleasantview is now. I've seen what Gee pays to house reapers in Pleasantview, and it's staggering. I grew up in an orphanage in Crystal Cove in my most recent incarnation and nearly toppled that government because of the inequality between the rich and the poor. Stealing expensive jewelry from the monarchies isn't just a hobby I do for fun. I can't interfere in the governments of the living, but I can temporarily seize their wealth and make them uncomfortable. Maybe there is some spirit of the Broke family in me after all.
"Beau, I don't know why you bother staring out there. She's never coming home, you know that."
He's referring to their mother. Brandi was last seen heading towards the gardens of Shawn III, down the road from the castle. She went missing when my father was in college. He blames himself for her disappearance and his brothers do too, despite him being on the college campus when it happened. Linus loves to play a martyr whenever he can.
The living have never answered the mystery of Brandi's disappearance, especially when they assume it was related to the disappearance of Bella Goth. I've read so many books about alien abductions or a possible serial killer on the loose in Pleasantview. Books and movies have been dedicated to solving this mystery and I devour each and every one of them. It's fascinating to see how the mortals approach this "puzzle" over the generations, especially since I've always known the answer.
Brandi was sneaking out towards the castle to meet with her demon lover when she was attacked by a vampire and dragged into the gardens. I was there; it wasn't like Izanami was going to reap my grandmother without me being there after all. Bella's case was completely separate from Brandi's and had something to do with aliens. I don't really know much about aliens, so I only know the basics about the case.
Beau never stopped looking for his mother, while Dustin focused his rage on the half-brother he never wanted and Linus' dramatics about how he somehow pushed their mother away while being in a different city the entire time.
How do I know this?
I people watch as a profession. I've spent most of my career as Life watching people, learning about how they think and act when they think no one is watching. I manipulated my line of champions in later centuries the same way. I spent hours in the Broke residence, in my parents' military headquarters, and following my living half-siblings around for centuries. I appear in the background of photographs over the centuries and have been the basis of at least two popular ghost stories.
Izanami used to come too. In those early days, neither of us realized what we were meant to be to each other. The Ocean wasn't exactly helpful in that regard either, despite knowing that he'd made me to complete Izanami.
So, yeah, we definitely had a physical relationship since pretty much the moment we met, but neither of us knew how to process the intense feelings we felt for each other. Following me around was apparently Izanami's way of trying to learn about me and about humans in general.
And he had a lot of data to learn from whenever we watched my parents. They were frequently stationed in Pleasantview, as Linus had been born there, and occasionally bumped into the Brokes.
It was always messy. You can't put Linus anywhere without him being the absolute worst and Dustin constantly seemed to fall for Linus' attempts to goad him into a fight. Dustin was happily married with a family of his own, but Linus' fame and military success drove him up the wall, especially when Linus would brag about it.
Eventually, Linus was reassigned to the nation that would one day become Crystal Cove and Dustin gradually let go of some of his hatred for my father now that he was in a different country entirely. Dustin died an old man who, according to reapers, has never attempted to find my father in the afterlife even once. I'm happy for him. I wish that I had the luxury of releasing my anger at Linus, but when he's half of your genetic makeup, you aren't really given that choice.
But family drama was only a part of my time spent in Pleasantview. The castle that loomed over the town held a secret, one that must always be hidden for the safety of two realms. On the edges of the border of Old Tredony, the castle hid the sealed border between Jubilant Accosts and our realm.
Before my creation, Life, Death, and the very first human born reaper sealed the realm to lock away Xexys, the Demon of Nightmares. This was when the reaper team, including this Absydee, was sealed away in Xexys' realm along with Rani and the Dream Guardian.
Life, a pale, hideous creation, had been created at the same time as Izanami and meant to be his equal. Life got greedy though, and rebelled against the Ocean's plans. He became the first demonic sovereign in an attack that left the Ocean without a corporal form. The position of deity of Life was empty, and the world became unbalanced.
The demonic sovereign had feelings for Izanami, even if Izanami was blind to it. Izanami swears that there was nothing between them, but I know that that first devil couldn't take his eyes off Izanami.
Time went on, and eventually, the Ocean had the ability to create me to balance the universe once again.
With the passage of time, and the chaos of a universe that had no Life deity to counteract Death, the seal on the realm of Jubilant Accosts weakened. It was up to Izanami and me to reseal it, something I wasn't sure I could do. It was one of my very first duties and was as intimidating as all hell to think about. An entire realm needed to be resealed and it was up to me to make sure that I didn't let Izanami down or let two realms suffer under Xexys.
"You're going to finish this task adequately," Izanami assured me. He'd made an accurate guess at my feelings, and comforted me in a way that seemed appropriate to a confused immortal. As Gee has often noted, Izanami has improved since our reunion all these centuries later. He's still a bit stilted with mortals and Gee, but he shares absolutely everything with me now. It's amazing that we stayed together as long as we did back then.
To my horror, the original sealers of Jubilant Accosts were waiting to greet us. Jordan, the first formerly mortal reaper (and my uncle through Linus), and my predecessor. No doubt the leader of all demons was after the energy contained in Jubilant Accosts and to possibly attempt to get Xexys under his control. I'm sure Jordan had a scheme of his own, but my attention was focused solely on my predecessor.
Facing the demonic sovereign was intimidating. I was made to replace him after all. What if I wasn't as strong as he was? What if I completely failed to seal Jubilant Accosts away? What if he made a move on Izanami and Izanami reciprocated? Did Izanami really care about me or was I just convenient?
I shouldn't have doubted him. Even if he didn't understand what he was feeling for me, Izanami made it very clear where he stood with my predecessor. He threatened them both if they so much as looked in my direction again. Which, well, didn't really make me any more confident in my skills, even if it was touching. The last thing I needed was for Death to completely overshadow me and promise to protect poor, weak Lukas.
But I stumbled my way through the sealing of Jubilant Accosts just fine. The original seal had been broken, and the realm would need to be resealed every few centuries to maintain Xexys' prison, but I had succeeded. Using that much of my power triggered part of my true form, and I discovered my wings for the first time while in the living realm. I didn't even know they could appear while in the living realm or that I could control so much of how I appeared to the mortals. There was still so much that I had to learn about myself back then.
The first Demonic Sovereign was an asshole, which was probably why he became a demon in the first place. I'd never seen his original, angelic form, but I'd imagine that it was just as ugly as his demonic form. He'd underestimated me, and decided to ramble off some boring threats that I didn't even pay attention to. I could see his eyes follow Izanami. Maybe he hadn't even come there that day to fulfill some evil scheme. Maybe he was just here to see Izanami again.
If a demon could die of jealousy, the Demonic Sovereign would have died on the spot after Izanami came to compliment my performance. He inspected the wings (which I was still trying to figure out how to make vanish) by running his finger down the length of the bone.
"Much better than your predecessor's," he said approvingly, shooting the Demonic Sovereign a look that I couldn't interpret. Whatever it meant, I was still winning.
I don't want to dwell too deeply on the physical relationship between Izanami and I, since there's a teenager eavesdropping in this dream. Suffice to say, we had an active sex life that started within twenty minutes of meeting each other. Izanami never said that he loved me; I don't think he even knew what love meant back then. It was a game that mortals played with each other, one that he didn't understand.
I loved him desperately. He was my only family for decades, the only and best friend I had. I dreamed about having the same milestones that I saw the mortals complete. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. I wanted to settle down with the man who my life revolved around.
Then one day, I discovered that I was pregnant. We weren't trying for a baby, but we weren't exactly being safe either. Life and Death are incompatible with each other on a fundamental level, so we assumed that a pregnancy could never happen, as much as I longed for one.
I planned it all out in my head. How I was going to tell Izanami. How soon I would expect him to propose. What names I would pick. I had an order of flowers for a wedding bouquet on standby, and I nearly burst with excitement trying to keep this secret from Izanami's son, Gee. Gee had been an accident of the Ocean's, so Izanami had never experienced a pregnancy or a birth before and I knew that both Gee and his father were going to be thrilled with my news. At long last, I was going to have a family. Everything I'd wanted was finally happening.
Until one day, I woke up on the office floor, suddenly not pregnant. I'd miscarried, if you could call it that. My body had overwhelmed the piece of Death hiding within me, destroying it to protect the safety of the deity of Life from the realm of Death. I don't know how we made that spark of life together or any of the pregnancies I'd had since getting back together with Izanami. Losing our child was the most emotionally painful thing I'd experienced in my relatively short life, and I wanted to rush immediately into Izanami's arms to mourn the future I'd dreamed of together.
Mortal, if you're hearing this, know that my husband is different these days. I'm different too. Izanami has never been a man of many words or feelings, and if you ever see the Grim Reaper in passing, know that he could tell you an endless amount of examples of his father being insensitive and blunt. Izanami is better at realizing that people have feelings, hopes, and fears now. He does his best, and I'm proud of him.
However, when we were young, Izanami made no attempt to understand people or their needs. Everything was black and white, and having a son who never stopped needing emotional validation and love was an inconvenience or an embarrassment.
When I told Izanami about my miscarriage, he was not sympathetic. His exact words are burned forever into my mind. Even reincarnating twice couldn't wipe them away.
"That's a relief. I couldn't imagine having a child with you. With the family you come from? It would be worse than having Gee around."
He left the room and closed the door behind him. He didn't even ask if I was okay or what he could do to help. He didn't love me like I loved him.
I was humiliated. No one else knew about the pregnancy, but practically every reaper in existence had seen us together, tearing each other's clothes off. They thought that I was a reaper, that Izanami was sleeping with a subordinate. But I wasn't his subordinate. I was his equal.
I was a god.
I technically can't cause a death. Technically. I have my workarounds, mortal, but to kill Death? That would be impossible. And I wanted him dead, gone, whatever would make the constant ache in my chest go away.
It was an ambitious goal, one that I know now was doomed to fail. Just as those witches in Strangetown learned, killing the Grim Reaper was next to impossible. Killing Death? It couldn't be done.
I was still young enough to try. I created the first of my creations to do what I couldn't: kill. Like me, the others assumed she was a reaper, but Violet was dangerous, and unstable. I ordered her to attack Izanami, but she targeted living targets instead, including people the Ocean had marked for their own projects.
Because she passed for a reaper and wasn't afraid to kill, Izanami was blamed for Violet's actions. He knew exactly what I'd done, but couldn't understand why. He couldn't understand the pain of a broken heart. He couldn't understand causing such pain to the person you were made to complete. Violet was destroyed, and I used the experience to hone my skills for later.
We didn't speak much after that. We still had to work together from time to time, but I made it very clear that I wasn't interested in speaking to him.
Instead, I poured my pain, and my anger into whatever power I had.
One night, Isabel wakes with a start, freezing, on the floor.
Ugh, she must've fallen out of the top bunk again! And stupid Joseph and Bertram didn't even notice! At least it doesn't hurt that much this time, and she doesn't seem to have any broken bones.
Did she have a nightmare? Isabel can't remember, but she's so awake all of a sudden, and so hungry. She can hear the boys snoring in their beds, as always, but Aunt Margery tossing and turning in the other room, too? Everything's way too loud, and the room is strangely bright...
A few months ago, I began testing colors from @pooklet's 2022 The Endless Harvest palette on various build and buy objects.
I chose only 5 colors from the palette (the unique blues, greens, and red): awakened, blazing, gleaming, haunting, and miasma.
Here is a remastered version of 6 Maxis floors I previously shared on Discord. There are 3 stone floors, 2 tile floors, and 1 wood floor in this color palette.
\^o^/ hi!
three tops today on meshes by kaluxsims, SkittlesSims and Lucilla!
the Zoe top is just some of the original printed recolours since Lucilla did the solids. It's probably not all of them, just the ones I liked. If someone did this already they probably did all of them but I couldn't find it thanks to Googling being essentially useless now. :F
I think the SamanthaTop texture has some stuff from BlackLily but it's also been about eight million years since I did this so correct me if I am mistaken. D:
Samantha Top
download (TF-AF)
4t2 GP05 Sweat Cropped
download (TF-AF)
4t2 AxA Zoe Top
download (AF)
Today I felt a sudden impulse to change John Burb's face to look more like his daughter.
Then, it occurred to me that his wife uses the same face template as he does, just with some teeny tiny edits.
So I used the same sliders as used when creating his wife but dragged them in the opposite direction (so for example, instead of eyes narrower, I made his wider).
I have no clue if anyone would ever have use for this, but in case you were to
Download on SFS!
No CC included, defaults are in preview pic however.
