WRITINGHAVEN ON WRITING: THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF
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It’s a given that in many literary works, characters suffer from the loss of a loved one, a friend, a significant other, etc. One of the best things a writer can do is to evoke a sense of empathy and relatability in the reader and let’s face it, it can get kind of hard.
Now “The 5 Stages of Grief” is a widely known process that can be a very useful to flesh out your character’s emotions, so here’s my take on it! [TW// mental health, depression, suicide, eating disorders]
SOURCES: https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief
https://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
1. INITIAL SHOCK AND DENIAL
Physical sensations (throat thickening, lack of appetite or increased appetite, nausea, a weight in the chest, trembling hands, swollen eyes, stuffed nose)
Thought patterns (denial, what if, if only, I didn’t get to say goodbye, I wish I hadn’t/had said That Thing, why-why-why-why-why)
Stress symptoms (inability to sleep, lack of desire to take part in once-loved activities)
Social symptoms (the insistence everything is fine, or the inability to hide grief in public; withdrawal from activities; over-booking activities to keep busy)
There are many ways this can happen: Denial of the cause of death, of blame, of the grief itself. Your character can forget the person is dead-- write about the gut-wrenching punch to the stomach when they realize that they’re wrong
Denial is a coping mechanism, but anger is a masking effect.
This anger can be directed at the person who passed away, a friend, a stranger, it can be directed at themselves. It can even simply appear out of the blue, it’s up to you
Remember, people express anger differently. It’s not always yelling or hitting things, it can mask itself in the form of quiet resentment as well
Physical symptoms (high blood pressure, inability to sleep, ulcers)
Social symptoms (irritability, mood swings, etc.)
“What if” and “if only” mentality
There’s not many physical or social symptoms I can think of for this one, but let me explain it. I like to think that bargaining is a form of postponing or avoiding the full blown sadness, confusion, and hurt that comes with grief. It’s a last resort before the dam breaks and the water floods in. It’s desperate-- it’s like trying to hold together a glass ball that’s almost shattered
Psychological symptoms (depression, fogginess, numbness, anxiety, apathy, suicidal tendencies etc.)
Social symptoms (isolation, lack of self care and nourishment)
Typically a lot of reflection occurs during this time, whether it be through introspection or the intervention of a concerned friend
Acceptance doesn’t mean you aren’t sad anymore. It doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten about the one you lost. All it means is that you’ve accepted it and accepted what it means and that it’s part of your life now.
People act differently during this stage. Some may return to their usual activities a bit more reserved, some may try their best to maintain an optimistic demeanor. The point is that they have accepted the loss, and that is the first stop to moving on-- to growth.
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