if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Love Begins
Three Goblin Art
styofa doing anything
ojovivo
izzy's playlists!
Peter Solarz
#extradirty
Janaina Medeiros
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
No title available
occasionally subtle
RMH
Game of Thrones Daily
sheepfilms
@theartofmadeline
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Today's Document
seen from Chile
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seen from United States
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@prcserpina
fully aware that this is a bit of a shot in the dark, but ekin if you happen to stumble across this, please send me a message here or text me - it’s been a while but as always i’d love nothing more than to hear from you! all the love, always xx
y’all ever just wanna skip like 5 years into the future
hi baby t!
it's 5.5 years into the future and you happened to stumble upon this post while having a rare, indulgent moment of nostalgia. you're currently 25 years old (!!!)
what's new and worth noting...
i guess the basics: ldn is home. we spent the summer in nyc last year and desperately wanted to move (and waves of dreaming about it still come!) but we're staying put for now.
we've put down roots :) we have a beautiful home. dream home. filling up with plants and paintings from travels and pictures of the people we love. when the weather is warm, we make dinner and take it to the balcony and eat outside while watching the world go by under the sinking sunlight.
we work a lot. it's unromantic but not unexpected.
we dance a lot! we spend our free evenings and weekends dancing, and we travel to dance around europe with our friends, and we train and sweat and laugh and party together and it is indulgent and exhilarating and the most wonderful way to experience human connectivity and see the world. (we tend to fall ill afterwards. it's a lot on the body. we're learning the importance of allowing for recovery). we don't always have or make time for it, but we do always come back to it. we've realised that it brings us back to ourselves.
we found our people :) it took a few years of heartbreak. we were lonely for a long time, but now we're not. we adore the people we choose to spend our time with (they were worth the wait). we love the time we spend just us, nobody else, even more.
we're still on good terms with our first love. we saw kyle for the first time in a few years, a couple of months ago. for the most part, we love and watch each other grow up from afar. it still is and always will be the most soulful & special thing.
we're in love <3 we have been for a while. we met him (dancing!), and suddenly, everything made sense. he has the most beautiful blue eyes that crinkle in the corners when he smiles and it makes him look older and younger all at once and makes us love him more than we thought it was possible to love a person just from looking at them. he's made us absurdly enthusiastic about the little things in life (honourable mentions: peonies and puppies). it's definitely not always easy, but it's worth it.
we don't write anymore. we should. life gets in the way. it feels like lyra reading the alethiometer - it was there in adolescence, now it's gone. ocean vuong's interview with the new york times last week made us feel 15 and want to try again.
we don't use any social media. it's more peaceful this way. the people who love us know how to reach us. we're currently not in therapy! we're enjoying navigating the world solo, for the first time in a decade. things may change, but this is good for now.
there were some dark years - we don't want to gloss over them, but they're not worth dwelling on.
we look around now and are in awe. we're astounded by our growth. we didn't know it was possible to experience moments of this magnitude of joy. there were times we didn't think we'd make it past 21. the joy ebbs and flows, but the point is that we didn't know it was there - and now we do.
there's not much more left to say except: you were right. the good things have come.
my best friend is back at work tomorrow. feels like instant sunshine
changing every “i should have known better” to “i know better now”. i will not judge past versions of me through the lens of who i am now.
“In my early twenties, it had never occurred to me that the women who gained their power from beauty were indebted to the men whose desire granted them that power in the first place. Those men were the ones in control, not the women the world fawned over. Facing the reality of the dynamics at play would have meant admitting how limited my power really was—how limited any woman’s power is when she survives and even succeeds in the world as a thing to be looked at.”
- My Body by Emily Ratajkowski (2021)
Barbara Crooker, “And Now It’s September,” [ID in alt text]
“As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me? you are completely screwed, because the next question is How Much? and then it is hundreds of hours later, and you are still hunched over your flowcharts and abacus, trying to decide if you have gotten enough. This is the loneliest job in the world: to be an accountant of the heart. It is late at night. You are by yourself, and all around you, you can hear the sounds of people moving in and out of love, pushing the turnstiles, putting their coins in the slots, paying the price which is asked, which constantly changes. No one knows why.”
— Tony Hoagland, “The Loneliest Job in the World”
this never stopped being so crazy
truly why are some men 🤡
Ada Limón, from “Forgiveness”
[text ID: And aren’t we all alone in the end? / You put your head for a moment against my chest. / Then, all I could hear was our breathing, and I understood / we were both human and animal-hearted, / bound to the blades, and bound to outrun them.]
Yes we remember K! Holy shit lol. Well, good luck for the next chapter of your life - what is your work path if you don't mind me asking?
!! it’s crazy to me that some of you guys were here when this was all happening 3 years ago - i actually met up w him last week! not gonna disclose what i’m doing for work but thank you for the luck ❤️ hope you’re happy & well!
Astrophotographer, in Idaho, captures falling meteor fireball.
photos under my "dream home" board in pinterest.
Daily stretches for mornings and better sleep.
Mood board for my future dream home 🏠
@engulfes
source
I don't know if any of you lovelies have been here for years but does anyone remember K who I dated that summer in Paris three years ago? He's moving to my city for work 20 minutes away from me, and we start on the same day.
