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The smell never seems to fade away

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@glikozi

[aidashakur]

[vexheart]

[aidashakur]

[konoko]

[sandmandaddy69]

[phreedomfromnecessity]

[fromhersoul]

[soft-lovely]

mecore

[1five1two]

[toiich]

Ingmar Bergman

[before-life]

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, photo by Catharine Caliman

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Night Train (1959), dir. Jerzy Kawalerowicz

[solvetcoagulate]

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Orpheus (1950), dir. Jean Cocteau

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Today, I came up with a mindful realization while I was working. I decided to spend the morning to myself: going outside for a walk, then sitting down to eat, followed by drinking coffee in a cafe, while reading a book. I had to work, write down some programs, with the deadline being on Sunday night. I came home and started working. During the time I had the "me time" I was feeling anxious about the day: "am I going to make it?". This anxiety continued even when I was working. Half an hour inside the work, thoughts would come to my head: "you are not fast enough, you don't do it right, you should have started earlier". I noticed that I had judgemental voices inside my head which created a negative feedback loop amplifying the anxiety which disorganized my work. "Nah fuck It, now I am working, this is already enough, I am doing the best I can. These thoughts disorganize me and move me towards a worse predicament. I am very glad I am in front of the computer, working. I have done so much already, for myself and for my work.". At 12 o' clock, I finished my work. The next two days, I have to write four more programs and work for ten additional hours, but it's okay. I know I will make it. Goodnight! 😴