SPIELS and TAKES

This is my stage.

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There’s a pain that never goes away; a wipeout you cannot survive or a current you cannot escape.

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I miss.

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Art Fair PH 2019

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Tayo Sa Huling Buwan ng Taon

“Turuan mo akong muling tumingin sa buwan at lumangoy sa dagsang liwanag ng mga bituin bago lisanin ang muling pagtatagpo ng mga paningin. Nagbabakasakali na sa hinagap ng hininga, sa simula ng katapusan at katapusan ng simula, mapawi ang pananabik, masambit muli ang pangangamusta. Muli’t-muli ay paulit-ulit kong hihilingin na makita rin kita. Sa pagkakataong muling umikot pabalik ang oras. Hahawakan kita. Raramdamin kita. Hihilahin din kita. Nang maramdaman mong ‘di ka nag-iisang umiikot sa sariling araw na ginawa ko para makita ang liwanag sa dilim.”

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L: Manolo, ni minsan ba nagtaksil ka kay Esther?

M: Ilang beses.

L: Naisip mo bang iwan siya?

M: Kahit minsan, hindi.

M: Ikaw, nagtaksil ka ba kay Nestor?

L: Kahit kailan, hindi.

M: Naisip mo bang iwan siya?

L: Ilang beses.

💔

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"It feels like the moment in class when you pulled out a fresh sheet of looseleaf and put your pen on the very first line, and nothing was wrong yet. You realize that you cannot be promised love. You cannot be promised fidelity. But you can be promised that new start, the construction of something that doesn’t have anything to do with how badly you were hurt or how bad the people in your life used to be."

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40

On April 30, 1979, a couple in their early 20s had a civil wedding. There was no doubt about their love for each other, but this couple had a more pressing concern, they were already expecting.

The man, being the gentlemen that he is, stood up for his family-to-be and swore to be responsible and provide for them, even sending his wife to school to finish her senior year whilst pregnant. The man did this with a promise, especially to the woman's family, that someday, they will get married in church.

Four (awesome and beautiful) daughters later, and 25 years of togetherness, the couple had their first church wedding at the Manila Cathedral with their closest and dearest. The man was dashing in his barong and the woman was beautiful and radiant in her bridal gown.

The ceremony was presided by two priests known to the family, and the entourage was composed of their daughters, inaanaks (either at birth or sa kasal), and close relatives/family friends.

Reception followed at the Maynila Ballroom at the Manila Hotel with their N guests. It was, truly, one exceptional and memorable night. I would even dare say it was a feat, not only for reaching their silver anniversary but also for making good with the promise to the woman's family to give her the church wedding they aptly deserve.

Fast forward to today, with a (handsome and responsible) son-in-law, a (sweet and loving) teenager son, and five (makukulit yet lovable) apos, the couple is now celebrating their 40th (!!!) wedding anniversary.

Sure, it was not all confetti and rainbows, but they made their relationship work and it is still working. Together, this couple has defied and continues to defy the myths na "malas magpakasal sa Manila Cathedral" and "walang forever".

The hospital is not the place we thought we'd "celebrate" today but still thankful that Dad doesn't need to undergo angioplasty or even bypass surgery.

Happy Anniversary, Mommy and Daddy! We love you.

P.S.: I've said this on their 34th anniversary, and will say it again... posible pala.

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How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! 

The world forgetting, by the world forgot. 

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! 

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd; 

Alexander Pope

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The world is gonna see some better days.

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overcome, adj./v.: When grief is about to become the air, you take a deep breath of the remaining happiness and push yourself up the mountain, above the clouds, where others are waiting to help you.

David Levithan

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2018

If there's a word that could describe my 2018, it would probably be 'courage'.

This year, I had the courage to acknowledge what was wrong, and free myself from all the toxicity. Courage to deal with an issue I buried eons ago. Courage to take a new responsibility. Courage to be fit. Courage to travel again, and to travel alone. Courage to write.

All these things took quite a while before I did them, but I'm glad I was really able to. Of course, though, I could not have done it without the help and encouragement from people dearest to my heart. Naming them is immaterial but this past year made me realize whom I could really count on, and I'm eternally grateful for them.

Sure, I am in a better place now than I was four to five months ago, but I'm still keeping on, and moving forward. Continuously healing and learning. I am cautious yet excited for 2019. A lot of changes are coming and am bracing myself for it.

Love and light to all. May the days and year ahead be kinder and better to and for everyone.

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"All endings are beginnings"

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Lame attempt to imitate Clara Benin's version of Burnout (well, a short part of it).

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Cheers!

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😍💆 #nofilter https://www.instagram.com/p/BoEkpPzHYt_JReIAzAQlQU4kP6QuYFi-1iZSqg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hyz9c739jfvo

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Or at least she tries to

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The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. – Oriah Mountain Dreamer