You stepped to me, pressed promises between us.

[pressed-promises]

"My Secret"

I think of you in the dead of night When there is nothing good to be found, Especially when the thoughts in my head double as the monsters under my bed. I think of you when there's nothing else To think about, When life doesn't make sense, Or hits a dull roar, And I put reality on a shelf so I can Picture the way I almost fell in love With the way you said my name and Out of love with the way you made me wait. I think of you whenever I want to think of him And you both go from being human To being Venn diagrams, Comparing and contrasting and being the same in, sometimes, The worst of ways. I think if you when the dark reminds me I'm lonely And my sheets remind me of you. I think of you when I say the word "Goosebumps" or watch Friends. I think of you when it's inconvenient, But the secret is, Sometimes I think of you on purpose. And those are my worst days.

[pressed-promises]

"After Watching Speak"

Sometimes the space in our mind gets lonely. It lusts to be filled with Something, anything Right or wrong. Every turn feels like the right one Until you're so tired from disasters There's no more energy in you to turn. What felt like going down a country lane With no light but the moonlight or stars Sticking your torso out the window Screaming to the Milky Way with a smile on your face Is more like going down that country road Terrified of the dark and Everything that makes you scared Keeping you strapped in the seat. You forgot that when you were 3, Nothing was bigger than your mom and dad And nothing ever would be. You forgot that when you were 8, Nothing was bigger than your dreams And nothing ever would be. You forgot that when you were 16, Nothing was bigger than your virginity And nothing ever would be. The hollowed out cheeks Of the girl who passed you in the hall Spoke volumes, But you forgot to check up on her. Sometimes, when you get a case of the 2:30s, You zone out in biology and spend The entire 55 minutes watching bubbles in the aquarium. You didn't know you were crying until You put your fingers to your face And they came back soaking wet. The sweater felt tight And it reminded out of October 17th So you spent an entire afternoon Cutting it for paint rags. You forgot to speak up And you almost died silent. -a.j.s

[pressed-promises]

"Kindness"

I forget what it means to burn Until I have set myself on fire once again I forget what it mean to want to scream Until I have kept my breath caught in my Throat for far too long I forget what it means to be fragile until I trip over my own feet going up the stairs And as soon as I hit the floor, Shatter irreparably, knowing I'll never be the same. I held my breath until I was blue In the face, Trying to be the delicate doll you had ordered. When I started blending in the with wallpaper I took the angel figurines from the mantle, One by one, And dropped them on cheap hardwood, Watching as you ignored the shatter Every time. We let our battles choose us. I played the game Until I looked at my watch and Realized I'd wasted years on you And thinking about you And thinking of things that would never happen. When I looked around, mask covered faces and tired little laughs Almost made up for the bags under Everyone's eyes and the golden light That surrounded their devil horns. -a.j.s

[pressed-promises]

Poetry blog. Not really sure how to start, but I'm gonna go for it, because it's time to tell other people.